Posted on 06/18/2006 3:59:27 PM PDT by Past Your Eyes
The biggest fiction behind James Bond is that the fantasy master spy and world-class heartbreaker lived past 40-something. It’s not just the death traps and vodka martinis, or even the three packs of cigarettes a day, that would have shortened his life. His naked ring finger would have too. Because real men need wives.
Consider the data: Married men—regardless of age, sex, race, income or education—consistently have been found to be healthier than men who are single, divorced or widowed. This so-called “marriage benefit” begins to kick in right after the wedding, then builds. Husbands ages 18 to 44 are strikingly healthier than bachelors of the same age. At every age, in fact, marriage not only protects men’s health but also prolongs their lives. So, what’s behind this marriage benefit?
(Excerpt) Read more at parade.com ...
I've never bought in to this statistic, for one reason. Often people who do not marry have a *reason* for not marrying. This implies that they are abnormal in some way. Now, while this abnormality may be independent of health, in many cases it is tied to health.
To prove this theory, what is the health and life expectancy of men who were married, but became divorced or widowers soon after? They would be as a rule "fit" enough to get married, which also implies a normal level of health.
I suspect that they live on average just as long as married men.
The article assumes all women are "the same".
The eal fact is a good woman (iow, non feminist, non - nag) makes for a good marriage which produces the benefits states.
There was no single church that was that way, but it was a general attitude in the Christian groups at college. Most of them were somewhat mainline, non-denominational, evangelical Christian groups. The kids in these groups went to a variety of similar churches. I remember the group called The Navigators was often referred to as the "Never-daters." Other groups would chuckle at that name, but many of them really weren't that different in the attitudes that they really communicated. Later, in grad school at another university, I was involved in Chi Alpha, the college fellowship arm of the Assembly of God.
Much of the "hyper-singleness" advocacy was what pastors would call an attempt to balance "the world's teaching," but the result was that no one was telling the complete truth. Instead of figuring out exactly what was right and required by the Scriptures, many churches tried to define their teaching by defining what they thought "the world" was teaching and then trying to teach what they thought sounded like the opposite. I've often said that many churches are about half full of crap when it comes to teaching about relationships but that they get away with it because most young people are only halfway listening. In my case, I was much more than halfway listening, and trying to follow that agenda left me single and lonely.
Bill
Yeah, we are abnormal.
We have abnormal amounts of freedom and autonomy. We have VERY abnormal spontaneity, and abnormally low stress. We have abnormal impulse control, in that we don't use it at all unless we choose to.
More and more, those *reasons* for not marrying seem more reasonable all the time. No one will ever hear about Pukin Dog shooting a judge, running from cops, dodging child support, or any of the other lovely things that CAN come from married life.
Contracting with the state for the temporary cohabitation with another; THAT is abnormal to me. If a man cant reserve the right to kick someone else to the curb for any reason he so chooses, then we have lost our way.
I think of women like I do my favorite Mexican food place: Quatro Milpas, when its good, its insanely good and you think you can eat it forever. But, at some point, it turns on you, and you have to take a break or live in a rare kind of pain until it, uh, passes.
I believe that the numbers show otherwise. Many widowers die within a short period of time after a spouse goes. Elderly men seem to do particularly badly after a beloved wife dies; perhaps it's partly because after the missus goes, there's nobody to cook for them, watch their medication, take them to the doctor, call 911, etc. I'll bet that kind of caretaking is a substantial part of the reason married men live longer.
You're right that it's little consolation, but I appreciate your comments. The fact that I'm not alone is why I bother to respond on these threads. If I were the only guy ever hurt by the way some churches do things, maybe we could just write it off as my bad luck. However, I've known of plenty of worthwhile men and women who end up single because they waste years that they should be using to build relationships or at least build relationship skills. If the church didn't make these mistakes, maybe fewer people would be in this situation.
Thanks,
Bill
I would guess that most men who refer to themselves in the third person have a tough time finding a good mate.
Makes for good sitcom fare, however. "The Jimmy" was one the very best Seinfeld episodes.
Bill
No, but most of them are fatter .
Running for cover...
Very cool. I know there's no thanks needed. I just recognize how I feel with it's Mother's Day, and the kudos I extend in good concience to mothers on that day. I don't see that expressed openly nearly as much toward men.
Thanks, that's great.
"If a hen sets on a dozen eggs and only one hatches, you don't throw that one out with all the rotten ones."
You eat the hen and go get a better one!
Thanks for the comments.
I agree.
The thing is, you never know when lightening will strike. The last thing I was looking for was Mrs. Lafroste when I found her. The only thing I would say is think of every place you know to meet women, throw them all out and look elsewhere. Not much for advice I know, but for me it was true.
Thanks for the link. Tough ride...
Actually, I suspect that there "is" such an effect, but that it is smaller than the added danger from child-bearing. I'd guess that once the population of "unmarried mothers" gets large enough, the statisticians will be able to identify the effect.
Bill
First off most women assume we don't want to hear 'thanks', which is incorrect. We make it a point to say that one little word very often around the Lurker Compound.
It's one of those 'societal lubricants' that makes it possible for large numbers of humans to live together without tearing each other to bits.
Second we like our son to see how people should treat each other. Lord knows there's more than enough wrong information out there just waiting to seep into his young skull full of mush. If we don't fill it with the right stuff...well future generations will pay and I won't have that on my conscience.
Anyway, thanks for the post and your kind words. They're much appreciated.
I'm out of here in about an hour and a half. If the better half is still up I think I'll pour her a snort of the same stuff I'm going to sip. Then I'll try to talk her into sitting in the back yard holding hands for a while.
The rain has moved out of our area and the stars should be out. We'll let the dogs sniff around the back yard for a bit while we savor some of Scotlands finest. After that.....well who knows.
Have a great evening DO.
L
I believe the effect is equal both ways.
The bottom line is good relationships make for good lives.
A naging spouse, male or female, will cause missery and missery costs you years to your life.
I file it all under "duh."
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