For when "failure to launch" means "International Embarrassment"...
Posted on 07/04/2006 5:17:19 PM PDT by genefromjersey
This just in from our N. Korean Correspondent :
N. Korean Taepodong 2 Missile Suffers From " Projectile Misfunction " : Fails 45 seconds into Flight
Kim Jong II mutters: " This never happened to me before !"
July 4 , Pyongyang : In an early morning gesture of friendship toward the United States , Kim Jong II , Fearless Leader of the Extremely Democratic and Nice People's Republic of North Korea launched no less than three "celebratory fireworks displays" , including one that employed the much-heralded Taepodong 2 multi stage rocket.
The display started out rather well. Alerted by early-warning sensors, Japanese officials hurried to a protective bunker , and there were rumors that Walter Mondale ( a former Peace candidate, who had urged destruction of the North Korean display units while they were still on their launch pads ) might have had to change his Underoos.tm
Unfortunately, a mere 45 seconds into its flight, the Taepodong 2 suffered "projectile disfunction " , and failed. (Look : It can happen to ANYONE, okay ? )
Our Fearless Leader rose bravely to the occasion , and had two Scud -type rockets fired towards Japan ; however, the Scuds experienced "premature oscillation" , and fell into the sea quite some distance from their goal .
Needless to say, our Fearless Leader was somewhat distressed.
"This has never happened to me before !", he shouted.
( A young woman, who had been "attached to his staff" (as it were)had the temerity to giggle most inappropriately,and was handed over to the troops for re-indoctrination. )
It is hoped that Carter chap will be sent over soon to bring us some better rocket fuel , a few tons of uranium (and, perhaps, some Viagra) so we can help America celebrate its next birthday more fittingly !
Ah, yes - the old projectile dysfunction; alas, I know it well!
For when "failure to launch" means "International Embarrassment"...
No wonder they call this one "The Tapping Dong Two".
It happens to all of us at times. You think maybe he confused? Perhaps Bi-targeted?
I'd guess too much Hennesey VSOP, coupled with excessive wear of platform shoes - but I'm no expert.
Beloved Leader taps plenty of dancing girls from what I hear, but it's not difficult to "pull the babes" when you own a fleet of Mercedes cars - and a monopoly on all the food in the country.
This is no surprise - they named one of the missles after him - the Nodong Jong.
Does this piece of human debris have any idea what the rest of the world thinks of him?
The total egomanic.
His people are starving to death and all he can think of is his status in the world arena of the body polick.
I'm just an Irish girl asking something out of the blue here...
..but am I right in thinking that if the US asks China they will put a bit of shoulder on Korea to cop on?
Man, I hate it when that happens...
China is like a gangster who is trying to polish up his image, while North Korea is his little brother who is causing chaos throughout the neighborhood and forcing the spotlight to focus on big brother's past.
Well, I guess the US is no-one to talk about rearing disconsolate pit-bull maverick states over the years (c'mon, lets be honest here)...but one WOULD hope that a bit of wellie (Irish term) exerted on China - in it's fledgling, albeit rapidly super-sizing economoic state - should be enough to quell this little gnat, before complete extermination. :)
China needs to work harder in this instance.
She has more to lose than anyone, if this litte shite (Irish term again) rears his sour puss again.
Ha! Now that's funny, I don't care who you are.
I really don't think that China has much influence over Kim Jong-il these days. They may make occasional overtures of cooperation, but the relationship seems even more severely strained that of the United States to France. That said, the Democratic People's Republic of [North] Korea has no closer fried in the world than the People's Republic of China. They don't call North Korea the "Hermit Kingdom" for nothing. The country represents the closest thing to hell on Earth, and any sane leader does his best to keep a safe distance from the leader and gatekeeper of that Hell.
They will no doubt find a capitalist to sell them some "viagra".
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Excellent.
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