Free Republic
Browse · Search
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

ALMOST NOTHING GOOD TO SAY ABOUT ANYBODY PART Vl ^ | 2007-03-29 | Norman Liebmann (Firehat)

Posted on 04/07/2007 6:47:11 AM PDT by Maria S

How did George Bush go on a good will tour and manage to get on the bad side of everybody wherever he went? It is one thing to take abuse, another to make house calls to take it.

Environmentalists have changed their minds about it so often that climatologists are beginning to call it global wobbling.

John Kerry was mulling over another run for the Presidency – but, happily, he ran out of mull.

Has anyone besides me noticed what a hatchet-faced gnome, Sean Penn, is? The son of a blacklisted director, Leo Penn, Sean confirms the axiom that the apple doesn’t fall far from the traitor.

California is the number one state in the nation for sending ambitious sows to the Senate. Groucho Marx would have had a field day ridiculing Dianne Feinstein.

So far, George Bush’s biggest contribution to the War on Terror is to have his picture taken with a fireman.

The buzz is a Hollywood producer is considering Jane Fonda to star in a new porn flick to be called Debbie Does Hanoi.

The next candidate to breeze into the White House will do so on a promise to quit the United Nations and cut off its allowance.

Hillary Clinton's campaign strategy to win the hearts and minds of black people is by going to Alabama and mocking the way they talk.

In gratitude for his immigration policy, George Bush was asked to lay a wreath at the statue of Pancho Villa’s favorite camp follower.

All is not lost for Brittany Spears. She may not be able to part her hair but her career will remain intact as long as she can part her legs. With her head shaved Brittany Spears looks like the door prize at a Buddhist monastery. If she lets it grow back she could be the first Buddhist monk with a pony tail.

The hospital emergency rooms are overflowing with Illegal aliens. One wonders how these peons manage to climb over a twelve foot fence with the medical records of his wife and fourteen children tucked under each arm.

History will designate George Bush as the wrong man in the right place at the worst time. If Karl Rove is such a political genius how come he manages to keep Bush in deep shit? I don’t mind Bush throwing away his future, but I do mind him throwing away mine.

The Pentagon has given Generals returning from Iraq a new definition for “R n R” – rattled and rusted.

George Bush proved that everything gets easier if you do it wrong long enough. In his first term he snatched defeat from the jaws of failure. In his second term he snatched failure from the jaws of failure. His trick is to connect the dots between compassion and collapse.

The Bush Administration will go down in history as the Amtrak to Amnesty.

Hillary Clinton is scheduled to address the astronauts at NASA. Afterwards she’s going to autograph their diapers. (It’s rumored the shuttle launch was aborted due to an outbreak of diaper rash. As the time-honored expression goes, “Shoot the talcum to me, Malcolm”.)

Does it tell you something about the Human Rights claque that soul food never found its way to their starving brethren in Darfur?

Arnold Schwarzenegger wants all of California to have the cultural advantages of its neighbor to the south, including a high population of muggers, dopers, and cantina girls putting on pay-per-view sexual exhibitions with love-starved burros. Schwarzenegger has called Rush Limbaugh irrelevant. As Governor, Schwarzenegger has made California irrelevant. In fact he has made California The Irrelevance Graveyard.

Venezuela’s dictator, Hugo Chavez, looks like a cross between an Aztec icon and a fire hydrant.

The Showtime Channel series, “The L Word”, seems like a Lesbian version of The Dead End Kids.

Rosie O’Donnell treats her depression by hanging upside down from the ceiling. Presumably, it keeps the Prozac tablets from falling out of her ass.

Legacy Addenda: It is likely Bill Clinton will be the first American President to have his name entered in The Encyclopedia Satanica.

The French don’t have any friends, don’t want any friends, and sure as hell don’t deserve any friends.

Bill Gates has been down in Mexico encouraging them to send more workers to the United States. Hopefully one of the peons may figure out how to work the bugs out of Microsoft’s Vista program.

The San Francisco dyke bars have labeled their bathroom facilities "Butch" and "Bitch".

Some enterprising restaurateur is selling a $1000 pizza. It will be delivered in a Brinks truck. Another example of meaningless extravagance is a company making a million dollar laptop computer. To demonstrate it they will need the services of Heidi Fleiss who already knows how to make a million dollars with a lap

Rosie O’Donnell is prominent for her early decision to secede from her gender. With a little coaxing maybe we can get her to secede from the species. (Rosie fits right in on The View, television’s first chunky focus group. Ah, well! The View’s gain is the Roller Derby’s loss.)

Did Donald Trump give Miss USA, Tara Conner, a second chance – possibly because she gave him a second chance to give her a second chance?

How yellow does yellow have to be before Senate Republicans realize that’s what they are just plain?

After hearing that CBS is paying Katie Couric approximately 15 million dollars a year, Barry Bonds is thinking of getting off steroids and getting on perk.

The diehards of Bill Clinton’s “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” military now want to change the name of the Delta Force to the Dainty Force.

There’s been a breakdown in municipal services in San Francisco: Citizens complain there's never a choreographer around when you need one.

If you're looking for a real oppressed minority in America it’s not among the ones that presently lay claim to that status.

Bill Clinton got his reputation as a considerate lover based on the fact that he managed to rape them without waking the children.

Harry, Punk Prince of England, had his picture taken groping a girl’s boob. The royal family is trying to decide whether he should be crowned or neutered.

Now that Kofi Annan is no longer Secretary General of the United Nations, he’s trying to decide whether to undertake a career as a gentleman embezzler of just a well-dressed washroom attendant.

Gore is now the expert-in-residence on climate tinkering. I’ll believe his prediction that planet Earth is doomed when I see him at NASA applying for an exit visa.

Animal rights groups plan to march on Jurassic Park and demand the tourists be stopped from teasing the dinosaurs.

Hillary Clinton’s first act as President will be an executive order for South Carolina to take down its Confederate flag from the State Capital, and order all Baskin-Robbins in the state to declare vanilla a politically incorrect flavor.

People are now being castigated for referring to Barack Obama as articulate. Henceforth, all blacks must be treated with mega solicitude and spoken to with thermonuclear circumspection lest they mistake a compliment for a compliment.

It will be more than appropriate that when Jim-mah Cah-tah dies, his Habitat for Humanity carpenters will put silver handles on one of their outhouses they built to bury him in it.

I don’t know why Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt bother trolling the Third World for children when all they have to do is follow the neighborhood kids home from school and pick off the stragglers. Angelina and Brad could save themselves a lot of window shopping through orphanages if they would just decide to collect stamps like everybody.

Alan Alda should play Alan Colmes in a very bad movie.

Paris Hilton could contribute to the delinquency of the entire 82nd Airborne – and not necessarily one at a time.

It seems apparent that Mexicans would rather be considered bums in America than Mexicans in Mexico. Only they know why.

Now that California is overrun with illegal aliens, each year the swallows will now head for Canada and let mosquitoes return to Capistrano.

It’s time to hijack a couple of Saudi Airliners and crash them into that big black box in Mecca.

In Haiti, a network will begin casting evil spells on people by tele-voodoo.

In our time Henry M. Stanley would greet Dr. Livingstone saying, “You accept Medicare, I presume”.

R. Emmet Tyrell Jr., Editor of The American Spectator Magazine, has written another book critical of Bill Clinton. Tyrell has not yet learned that you can no more discredit the Clintons than you can abolish sin.

In the last gay pride parade in Mexico City, people couldn’t tell the matadors from the homosexuals. I guess it’s the pigtails and sequined knickers.

In Hollywood, most Vice Squad cops will buy into a “john’s” alibi that he thought a bordello was a kind of Italian ice cream.

In the last election, John McCain took the Republican Party down the ol’ porcelain receptacle. This time the GOP plans to just send him on ahead. If McCain takes his Straight talk Express to Vermont, it will be the only straight thing that’s hit Vermont in many years.

Jesse Jackson knows the English language perfectly, but there is no way to explain what happens to it on its way out of his mouth.

Isn’t this the time of year when Michael Jackson gets his face re-chalked?

Coyotes are smuggling illegal aliens onto the space shuttle by convincing them it’s headed for Arizona.

Those early “minty” school boy photos of Tony Blair make Lord Sebastian Flyte seem “butch”. Is there a film of Blair’s early life in the works called “A Wuss at Oxford”?

Given a choice you would put a bounty on: (Choose one)

[] AIDS carriers

[] The homeless

[] Illegal aliens

[] The French

[] All of the above

TOPICS: Miscellaneous; Political Humor/Cartoons
Just for fun
1 posted on 04/07/2007 6:47:13 AM PDT by Maria S
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: Maria S
Thanks for the laugh and I vote for:

Bounty on the French

2 posted on 04/07/2007 6:49:54 AM PDT by BallyBill (Serial Hit-N-Run poster)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: BallyBill
I don’t mind Bush throwing away his future, but I do mind him throwing away mine.


3 posted on 04/07/2007 7:08:10 AM PDT by grey_whiskers (The opinions are solely those of the author and are subject to change without notice.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Maria S


4 posted on 04/07/2007 7:10:47 AM PDT by rellimpank (-don't believe anything the MSM states about firearms or explosives--NRA Benefactor)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Maria S

Thanks for posting Firehat! Nobody does it better.

5 posted on 04/07/2007 8:28:18 AM PDT by AuntB (" It takes more than walking across the border to be an American." Duncan Hunter)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794 is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson