The Detergent Church

I was being interviewed on talk radio a couple of weeks ago when the “talent” turned the discussion to my faith and my thoughts on the state of the Church in America. I’m sitting there thinking, “You invited me on your show to talk about school violence and student stupidity, and now we’re talking about Jesus? Okay, whatever. God is one of my favorite topics, and as long as I get to plug my latest book, A Time to Clash, 757 times in the next 15 minutes, I’m good.”

So, I informed my host that my faith was stonkin’ and in my humble—yet acerbic—prophetic opinion I thought a good chunk of the American church was melting like a little Twinkie under the hot sun of assertive secularism.

In particular the church was wilting like a wuss in regard to its biblical moral maxims and its stance on essential Christian doctrines and was thus well on its way to living La Vida Apostacia. Yep, if our country goes down the crapper, a lot of the blame falls on the American church for capitulating to this crap-addled culture, as far as I’m concerned.

Jiminy Glick went on to ask me what I thought the church could practically do to heal itself and help our nation and what my thoughts were regarding the emergent church.

I told mi amigo that I didn’t know much about the “emergent church.” I’m sure there are many good guys in it, and I’m sure it has caused some damage to el Diablo; however, it looks and sounds a tad narcissistic to me. In addition, from what I’ve observed both in life and via history is that once a church movement gets a “name” it usually means it’s toast and ends up being propped up by hype instead of heaven.

I went on to edumicate my inquirer that I prefer a Detergent Church to an emergent church. Yes sir, I think what we need is a “movement” that would purge the skid mark that sin has left on man’s soul and our society rather than a group of nerdy Christians trying to be Ryan Seacrest.

Yep, a Detergent Church is the type of church that flicks my switch. As far as I’m concerned, a “church” that does not alter culture in a weighty way isn’t worth its salt—no matter how “successful” it may be momentarily. And seeing that our culture is getting more bizarre by the flippin’ day I’d say that whatever the church is doing to be au courant just ain’t cutting it.

Here’s my laundry list (to become a book) regarding how the “called out ones” can be the holy hellfire Detergent Church they’re ‘spose to be. You might want to put on a cup . . .

5. Quit trying to be relevant and instead become prophetic contrarians, I’m talking contra mundus, mama!

6. Put a 10-year moratorium on “God wants you rich” sermons (yeah, that’s what we need to hear nowadays, you morons, more sermons about money, money, money!).

10. Demand that if a Christian gets involved in the arts that their “craft” must scream excellence and not excrement.

1. Get men who dig being rowdy back into the pulpit. When I hear one of the ubiquitous whiny, weepy ministers get on TV or radio and whimper about Jesus and life, I think it’s no wonder we’re getting our ecclesiastical clocks cleaned by secularists; our “leaders” are oh so very lame.

Look, God’s men aren’t suppose to be effeminate, spiritually neutered, prancing nice guys. Biblical ministers are to be sons of thunder who are daunting and not David Archuleta-like grinning hand-holders and cliché dolers to messed-up wienies. You can’t transform boys into men when you’re a Peter Pan pastor. Capice?

If your church is remotely serious about salvaging society then here’s a little raw 411 for you, el pastor: You’re not going to change the USA by being nice but by being bold. And to be bold boys you must have high doses of holy testosterone. Matter of fact, in Moses’ day you couldn’t be a priest if you didn’t have cojones (see Deut. 23:1-4). I say we, the Detergent Church, start kickin’ it old school again and retable that deuteronomic prerequisite for current ministers and wannabes; i.e. you don’t get to lead if you don’t have your boys intact.

From rank secularism to islamo-fascism, our country is between a rock and a hard place, and I’m sure the USA would appreciate the church’s help, hello. Obviously, I don’t believe we can help if our leaders don’t have holy huevos to stand up for God and what is sane in this psycho society.

As far as my imbalanced backside is concerned, if the “man of God” is not a dude in a Clint Eastwood sense of the word, then we really don’t need him right now to preach or lead worship—maybe later after 100 years of work, but not now—which means there’s going to be a lot of job openings in churches across the land if my advice is heeded because the church has officially become wussified.

What’s the solution to our cultural pollution? Historically it’s always been men who would be men, which means we don’t need puppets, panderers, Wallys and wusses. We need prophets, patriarchs, warriors and wild men.

Join Doug Giles and comedian Brad Stine in Nashville, June 3rd at 7 PM for GodMen (for more 411 go to www.godmen.org). Also, check out Doug’s LATEST VIDEO: “Teach Your Kids How to Sense BS” and his interview with leadership guru John Maxwell this week on www.ClashRadio.com.

I enjoyed reading this, although I probably would not let my younger children read it. My 16 your-old boy, yes.

I like the “Detergent Church” expression, and agree it beats the expression “emergent church.”

I speak to my independent, fundamentalist Baptist brethren -— I have a dear Filipino Baptist preacher friend who has a REAL church high up in the mountains on Cebu Island. His name is Nene Tonacao (Toe-nya-kow) and he came up with a phrase that fits the “Detergent Church” idea. He says, “Some of the brethren around here preach King James but live king germs!” That'll preach.

I know full well some reading this will spit nails when I mention the name Ian Paisley. I have been listening to some of his messages on the subject of Biblical Fundamentalism, recorded over the past twenty years. He preaches FIRE — not wildfire — but Bible FIRE. I have required some of our institute students to listen to his preaching to hear what genuine prophetic preaching is all about. Some of you Baptists will squack that I would use a Presbyterian as an example. It is not the first time, I assure you. America used to have some great prophets among Presbyterians. That would include the great Billy Sunday. Great Baptist preaching has been on the wane since J. Frank Norris and R.G. Lee went to Heaven.

Thanks for posting this article.

A man whose real interest is in celebrating his male appendages belongs in a Gay Pride Parade or possibly in the Episcopal church. I left that church because I was tired of hearing this stuff.

I would like to see more preaching on James 2 and Matthew 6, with follow-up every day of the week with the clergy in the lead. In my opinion this would do lots more good than some baboon doing a George of the Jungle act to celebrate his masculinity.

1. Get men who dig being rowdy back in the pulpit.

YEAH!

I once "Supplied" in a large fashionable church and somehow the sermon topic was faith and I started with an old chestnut about faith. It was integral to the point of the sermon.

It's not that funny, but I was greeted with gales of laughter. Afterwards somebody said, "Thank you. No one has told a joke in that pulpit for years!"

Honest to doodness, sometimes you'd think that people think if they're not boring the audience it's not a sermon. I don't get it."

The Gospel is Da BOMB! If you don't think so or can't or won't convey that, get out of the pulpit.

While I don't know all that much about the church he is talking about, nor the author of the book "A Time to Clash," what the post says is very interesting. More "church" leaders should be proclaiming the Good News of Jesus the Christ. Doctrine is important, and when understood does divide believers from unbelievers, or real Christians from make-believe Christians. I've been preaching and teaching things that are hard-hitting for a long time, and becaue of that, have been called all kinds of things, from heretical to crazy, a fool, unorthodox, etc. This does my heart good, for I know I'm getting through just as the Apostles did. The gospel is the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus, and what he accomplished at the cross. That seems to just be an appendage to what is preached now-a-days. I endorse his efforts to cleanse the church of unbelievers and pew-sitters. AMEN!

Yes sir, I think what we need is a “movement” that would purge the skid mark that sin has left on man’s soul and our society rather than a group of nerdy Christians trying to be Ryan Seacrest.

It's liberalism infecting Christianity. Young wanna-be hipsters who find regular ol' Christianity too ostracizing from the culture at large simply repackage it under the glossy, PC-friendly "Emergent" covering. Emergent simply means liberal postmodernism. Nothing more.

The Emergent church is, IMHO, just another falling away.

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