Any love you have for plastic grocery bags will vanish the DAY you’re driving down the road, and you get one stuck on a flange bolt on your car’s catalytic converter. Your preference for plastic bags will evaporate just as quickly as the stench of melted polycarbonate fills your car.
The plastic hits the hot metal, and it just melts right on there, and that car’s gonna smell like burnt plastic from that moment until the last molecule of it bakes off three thousand or more miles later.
And I don’t care if it turns out to be 2,500 miles; I guarantee it’ll seem like 25,000. I mean you’ll be begging your insurance agent to have the car TOTALED before it’s all over. But they won’t go for that because the junkyard won’t buy a used car with plastic baked onto the exhaust.
So, there you are, out in traffic just stinkin’ up the whole world, and people are lookin’ at you sideways, and rollin’ up their windows at you.
You’re an automotive LEPER!
And the only reason you don’t have to drive around with your head out the window shouting “UNCLEAN!!! UNCLEAN!!!” is that everyone can SMELL you comin’.
So, your buddy from the office pokes his head into your cubicle and says, “Hey, I’m havin’ a big barbecue and pool party at my place this Saturday afternoon. Can you and the family make it?”
“Oh, yeah, I think we’ve got something in the morning, but the afternoon’s clear. We’ll be there. Should I bring anything? Meat? Side dish?”
“Nah, I’ve got the whole menu taken care of. Just do me one favor: park three or four houses down the block. I wouldn’t want the smell from your car to mingle with the beef ribs on the grill.”
“Uuuhhggg.”
And if it was your WIFE’S car??
Oh, man, if it was your wife’s car I’ve got news for you: it’s YOUR car now; she’s goin’ down and get a NEW one that DOESN’T stink. And don’t think she’s gonna let you park your Stinkmobile in HER garage with HER car. Uh-uh. YOU park at the CURB!
On the NEXT block over.
After all that mess, pity the fool who asks you, “Paper or plastic?”
ROFL!!!
I feel your pain!
BWA-HA-HA-HAHAHAHA!
I don’t like paper because cockroaches like to hide in the creases, and I don’t like plastic because it’s too flimsy.
I buy the fabric bags, but not because I’m going “green;” it’s a softer, quieter way to bring in the groceries. Besides: When not occupied with groceries, those fabric bags are handy for LOTS of things!!!