1. If you intend to commune with nature by backpacking across the wilderness of the Western US, Canada, and Alaska, make sure you're armed with a rifle or handgun -- preferably equal or greater than .40 caliber for the rifle, or .44 in the case of the pistol. Don't pack it; shoulder it.
2. Don't sleep on a bear run. If you don't know what a bear run is, ask a ranger or the local sheriff for a description.
3. Don't believe any advice about running downhill away from a pursuing bear. Bears can run in circles up and down a 45-degree angle slope like an Olympic champion, and do it all afternoon. They can also climb trees better than the best human tree-climber can -- outside of a teenager from Guam who can shoot up a tree for a coconut in three seconds. There are no bears in Guam, by the way, so this example is all academic.
4. Playing 'dead' doesn't fool the bears. Playing 'giant porcupine' works lots better, but the suit is a real hassle to hump through the woods.
5. 'Gentle' black bears aren't. All bears, regardless of maturity or type, are equally dangerous. This goes double for badgers, which are just little bears with a hostile 'short guy' attitude problem.
6. Never mind the nonsense about sleeping on the ground and hoisting your food above ground in a tree. Better to sleep in the tree and leave your food on the ground far away for the bears.
7. Make an attempt to tell a local authority -- ranger or sheriff -- about your hiking plans so they know where to find your remains if you choose to ignore item #1.
8. Pepper spray will just make a bear angrier -- just like it does to a typical Los Angeles County resident. You'll never get to that damn pepper spray anyway. You *might* get to your rifle.
9. Bears are silent until you're within striking distance. They already smelled and heard you coming a few hundred yards away. A typical bear's eyesight isn't so good, but they're not Mr. Magoo. They have eyesight good enough to swat your head off your shoulders with deliberate aim.
10. Using an Elk or Deer call to attract game during hunting season has a really good chance to attract a bear instead. In kind, salmon fishing in a 'really good spot' is also where the bears fish.
11. Don't wear fragrances as they attract bears, unless it's Brut, which repels bears as effectively as it repels human females.
12. Don't wipe your hands on your pants. Forget the bears, you'll be in trouble with your mom when you get home.
13. Use a bell or whistle to both alert bears and annoy everyone else within two miles of you.
14. Never travel alone. If you're with a group, you don't have to outrun the bear, you just have to outrun someone else in your group!!!
LOL! No one walks on game trails, ridge lines, tree lines, or streets in indian country.
Much less sleep on a bear run. No-one is that much of an idiot.
/johnny
One does not have to outrun a bear, just outrun your hiking companion.
/johnny
That is a great and also, funny list!
thanks for a good post and the humor with the real information.
I love bears! In pictures, nature movies and FAR away from me!
I should have read all of BullDog's list first.
Wow. It was years ago when I wrote that.