Why I Walked Out of ‘Year One’ Crying (Victoria Jackson)

Andrew Brietbart Presents Big Hollywood ^ | JUne 19, 2009 | Victoria Jackson

[tang-soo]

Why I Walked Out of ‘Year One’ Crying

by Victoria Jackson

I had a date with Judd Apatow. It was around 1991 and I was between husbands: the out-of-work-Jewish-Gypsy-fire-eater-musician, and the high-school-sweetheart-Baptist-helicopter-police-pilot.

I needed a date to a premiere. I knew the rules of engagement for a Hollywood career, and I tried to follow them. It’s difficult to do this when you carry the burden of ethics around with you, but I tried to do it and stay within the bounds of morality.

1) Go to the right places. I went to the Playboy Mansion to find an agent, and I did. I was 21 and a Baptist virgin, and I found Betty from the William Morris commercial department there. Check.

2) Wear something provocative to a Hollywood premiere so you can get free publicity. I did that. When I was an SNL castmember trying to increase my movie roles, I attended some Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan premiere (go figure - it was a flop!) in a see-through black shirt with a flowered bra underneath. I felt ashamed, but I did get my picture in a few magazines. All press is good press, and press leads to opportunity.

3) Date famous men or up-and-coming smart Jewish comedy writers. I went on a date with Arthur Godfrey right before he died, and ten years later, when I was 30, I asked Judd Apatow to escort me to some Century City event. I was pretty much invisible to him the whole night, but we did get our picture in People Magazine.

That is about it in my list of cliché things I have done to help my career move along.

Well, today I walked out of a Judd Apatow movie crying. It was the scene where the obese homosexual is fortune-telling by looking at the bowels of a sheep that has been sodomized by a person.

The movie was “Year One.” I tried to be open-minded as I watched the first 20 minutes of masturbation, fornication, circumcision jokes, continual penis references, bestiality, violence, and Biblical blasphemy. I told myself this was a PG-13 movie and the writers were “lost” so they didn’t know how vulgar they were being. I looked at the ten-year-old and his father sitting next to me. I must be old-fashioned or something. But, then I noticed no one was laughing. No one was walking out either. I was hoping that the crude jokes were flying over the heads of the poor children who were sitting there wide-eyed and innocent.

My daughter is 15 and she loves Jack Black and the guy from “Juno,” so I thought we could have a Mom/teenager date. I asked myself, “Vicki, is this movie making you feel good?” Myself replied, “This movie is making me angry, very sad, hopeless, and dirty-feeling.” As the onscreen obese gay man poked at the bloody intestines and told the fifth anal sex joke, I looked at my daughter, and we got up and walked out.

I started crying in the parking lot as we walked to our car. I am not from this world. I am an alien. No wonder me and Apatow never hit it off.

[tpanther]

Well, I can’t say I haven’t gone to the theater in 53 years, but I have found myself renting old Hitchcock films and such lately. There’s just nothing out there. Or at least not much.

I plan to take my son to see transformers next week but that’ll probably be it for me at least for this year.

[goat granny]

Smut isn’t funny. Bill Cosby could send me into belly laughs and he never uttered a dirty word..As you said, it just gets numbing. I do like Ron White and he can get quite blue at times but he is funny...talks mostly about his life...and when I watched one of his shows, he comes right out and says I cannot believe people bring kids to my show...its not for kids...

[packrat35]

I have often wondered if it was just me. But Jack Black and Will Ferrell are 2 of the unfunniest comedians of all time.

Jack Black was horrible in King Kong and Will Ferrell ruined Bewitched. After seeing them in these movies, I swore to never PAY to see them again at the theatre.

[The Ghost of Rudy McRomney]

Actually, I find very few of the ‘new breed’ of comics -that leave Saturday Night Live or MAD TV , etc; and go into movies , funny. This has been going on since Eddie Murphy, Chevy Chase, and Bill Murray, and it’s really become old. God, how I miss people like Jack Benny , Red Skelton, Abbott & Costello, W.C. Fields, etc. With half their stuff, it was the way they said something, rather than what they said, that was funny. The new breed either has to get vulgar-or they do things that are supposed to be funny, but they’re just stupid. I can’t even remember the last movie I laughed out loud at. And fortunately, I didn’t pay to see KING KONG, they were showing it during a 3-month free trial of HBO.

[derllak]

Please God, let a meteorite hit Hollywood asap so we can all live happily ever after!

[cruise_missile]

Hollywood (in my humble opinion) is why Islam hates us.

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

including an admission to failings in the past that the left would point to as hypocrisy.

What is true is true no matter who says it.

If a 500lb person waddles up to me and points to my blooming onion and says, "To many of those are bad for you." He is still as right as he would be if he were in peak physical condition. His overindulgence should not negate the truth of his statement.

[allmendream]

“Good grief, GREASE was rated R because of a couple of vulgar lyrics.”

LOL. Yep. And here they are for your perusal. Rather tame by today's standards.

Can never think of “Grease” without remembering my sister moving in with me to attend college with her “Miranda Mix” CD with “Summer loving” burned on it.

When I heard that playing I said “Oh, so you like Grease?”. She had NEVER EVEN HEARD OF IT, but loved musicals. It is now one of her top ten favorite movies (she likes musicals).

Why this car is automatic
It's systematic
It's hydromatic
Why it's grease lightning (Grease lightning)

We'll get some overhead lifters and some four barrel quads
oh yeah
(Keep talking whoa keep talking)
A fuel injection cutoff and chrome plated rods oh yeah
(I'll get the money I'll kill to get the money)
With a four speed on the floor they'll be waiting at the door
You know that ain't no shit we'll be getting lots of tit
In Grease Lightning
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go

Go grease lightning you're burning up the quarter mile
(Grease lightning go grease lightning)
Go grease lightning you're coasting through the heat lap trial
You are supreme the chicks’ll cream for grease lightning
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go

Purple french tail lights and thirty inch fins
oh yeah
A Palomino dashboard and duel muffler twins
oh yeah
With new pistons, plugs, and shocks I can get off my rocks
You know that I ain't bragging she's a real pussy wagon
Grease lightning

Go grease lightning you're burning up the quarter mile
(Grease lightning go grease lightning)
Go grease lighting you're coasting through the heat lap trial
You are supreme the chicks’ll cream for grease lightning
Go grease lightning you're burning up the quarter mile
(Grease lightning go grease lightning)
Go grease lighting you're coasting through the hit lap trial
You are supreme the chicks’ll cream for grease lightning
Lightning, lightning, lightning
Lightning, lightning, lightning

[hunter112]

She’s a nice person, and I enjoyed both her SNL roles and her movie parts, but let’s face it, there are some folks who cannot handle PG-13, and who really should stay away from those movies.

[MikeD]

I’m right with her — it all comes down to Romans 12:1-2.

I don’t think I realized just how much I was transformed until I saw the last Transformers movie (no pun intended). Many of my friends loved it, but I couldn’t stand the gratuitous sexual references in a movie about my childhood toys. I’ve heard the new one is even worse.