Gore's Profits Of Doom

Junk Science: The oracle of climate disaster has a new book out on global warming that should be on the fiction list. He asks us to commit economic suicide while he rakes in millions from his green investments.

'Our Choice: A Plan to Solve the Climate Crisis," Al Gore's sequel to his 2006 tome "An Inconvenient Truth," came out Tuesday. Printed on recycled paper using low-VOC (volatile organic compound) ink, it will undoubtedly be a best-seller and on the desk of every attendee at next month's climate change conference in Copenhagen.

In a press release announcing the book, the Oscar- and Nobel Prize-winning former vice president writes: "Now that the need for urgent action is even clearer with the alarming new findings of the last three years, it is time for a comprehensive global plan that actually solves the climate crisis. 'Our Choice' will answer that call."

The book's cover depicts one of the hurricanes Gore still claims are increasing in frequency and intensity. What has happened in the past three years is that such claims have been thoroughly debunked as the earth has cooled, possibly for decades hence.

For example, a recent study by researchers at Florida State University determined that the 2007 and 2008 hurricane seasons had the least tropical activity in the Northern Hemisphere in 30 years.

A girl, Debbie Donut, woke up and found herself in reality. She was terribly dismayed.

The Good Witch told Debbie Donut that you must see the Great Gore and he will grant you carbon credits. That way you can keep your cow Methane. If not, well, I have a way to help you, but that means you will have more need of carbon credits for eating so much beef.

Debbie Donut said that she was afraid. The Good Witch said we must all face our fears and travel the Black Oil Brick Road to Copenhagen and chew the cud with the Great Gore.

I guess you are right said Debbie Donut. Off she went with her milk cow Methane.

As she came to the intersection of CO2 and Ozone, she met the Oil Man. He was worn down. You must have courage Mr. Oilman. We can’t live without you. He smiled and off down the road of CO2 they skipped along.

Before long they came to a field where the Garbage Man was raking through trash looking for residue Methane.
He was so down for carbon credits were so hard to find. He needed them to feed his children.

Debbie Donut said we are off to see the Great Gore. He has the answers. So off they went to Copenhagen, Debbie Donut, Methane, Oil Man and Garbage Man.

As they traveled to Copenhagen they came across a man looking in the mirror kissing the glass. He kept saying he was the chosen one. Debbie Donut asked him what he had done to be chosen. He said he had written three books and was called Mr. President by many. He said he was chosen to sign a great document in Copenhagen my the Great Gore.

He had been paid great sums of money for saying great things and it would be his reward for signing the Great Document.

Debbie Donut, the Oil Man and the Garbage Man were amazed. He must be chosen or as the Oil Man said he is the -;:6354”;.,?9 he ever met.

Debbie Donut rebuked Oilman for saying such terrible things. We will go see the Great Gore and he will help this poor soul with his hallucinations.

So off they went.

As they entered the Great Hall of the Great Gore they shivered and were scared. On the wall was a projection of this fat face man testifying in front of important people.

But Methane broke loose and trotted behind a curtain where a man was shouting unbelievable things. He was screaming CO2 is killing us; Methane is killing us; Ozone is killing us; and water vapor is killing us. Sunspots are nothing. Forget the. Solar minimum.

Debbie Donut ran to the curtain and told the man he should be ashamed of yourself.

You know it is a sunspot minimum we are in, not greenhouse gases.

The man smile and led the hallucinating man to some important people where he signed the important document.

Debbie Donut, the Oil man, Methane and the Garbage Man turned to home.

As they returned to the land of conservatives the White Witch told Debbie Donut you always had the answer. It is Sunspot Minimum. Those poor souls in Copenhagen will freezing their backsides off soon and you will be baking Methanes produce in the fireplace for heat.

Just click your heels if you can, put on the boots and hope to pile up the cow patties high.

But what about the Great Gore.

The White Witch said that time would tell.

Back in Kansas, Debbie Donut and Methane lived happy ever after. As for the Oilman and Garbage Man, they were selling and buying a new currency like food stamps, called Carbon Credits.

What a great world we live in and such wonderful people live here Debbie Donut sighed.

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