Posted on 12/08/2009 1:39:28 PM PST by Reaganesque
A group of disgruntled staffers at heralded Harvard rag The Crimson said good-bye to the outgoing leadership with a group email that includes the phrases "epically unpopular," "forever-flaccid penis," and "group-fisting."
IvyGate redacted the names and has a moratorium on outing senders and recipients in their comments. But you can totally take a stab here, and/or email me with your deepest, darkest secrets.
————— Forwarded message ————— From: [redacted] Date: Wed, 2 Dec 2009 17:53:52 -0500 Subject: Open Letter to the 136 To: [redacted]
Dear 136,
As you approach the time when you are stepping down from your positions, we will not lie that there is a collective sigh of relief and joy out of every single person in the board (except for maybe [redacted], though that may be unclear, since he can't express much emotion anyways).
I'm sure you guys are not surprised to learn that you were epically unpopular, as you probably were for most of your pre and post-pubescent lives. Although the power trip of weeks past may have given you a slight feeling of euphoria, let us assure you, as you go forth in life, you will still be losers and nerds and weirdoes.
But we digress. The more important issue here is not how much you stroke eachother's egos (or ***** for that matter—that includes you, [redacted]—that's two now, right? [redacted] and [redacted]? Do I hear a threesome—then you get your chocolate and your vanilla in one Sunday), instead, how you have left the biz board an atrocious mess that rivals that of [redacted]'s puke on [redacted] during Grand Elections. We have written an acrostic poem below to further expound upon our discontentment a la Governor Schwarzenegger:
F **k you. U gly — Yeah yeah you ugly ***— after your ****** ***** you have together, all over [redacted]'s face K ill — the action you performed upon the only institution that has ever accepted you
Y ellow Fever — What half of you have, you sick f**ks. O h — oh, oh, oh, the screams of [redacted]'s orgasm from group-fisting heard from the Quad during deliberations U surp — the only thing that can save The Crimson now
In all seriousness, your short-sighted, insular, narcissistic mindset has damaged the culture, atmosphere, retention, and recruitment of the business. You concentrated on numbers, numbers, numbers—but just wait until we see more red because no one wants to work for an organization that lacks any humanistic qualities or fun. You have been to enough recruiting events from top firms in the country—what do they always emphasize? The people. If you had had the business acumen you purport to supposedly have, you would have realized the intangible social aspects of the board and how they affect revenue and long-term sustainability. Perhaps we cannot blame you because social skills are not your forte, however, we will forever bear the burden of the poor choice you have made as your legacy; the 136 is now a punch-line, for a pathetic joke of a year.
We're glad you got your goodies and got off to "cutting" people and wielding "power" over a student club. Congratulations. Wait for the real world, where people will see you for the pathetic, greedy, sycophantic slugs you are. Well you've effectively castrated The Crimson of it's culture - now chew on the testicles that you've cut off…thank you, 136, for your true dedication to The Crimson and history will NOT absolve you.
Do not try to attribute this to the work of one person—your witch hunts further reinforce your patheticness and make public your incompetence to even appease the people who "work under you"—except for [redacted], who truly works under [redacted]. We hope your take-away from this is not a bitter tirade from sore losers (in fact part of the undersigned are newly-elected managers), but instead a truthful letter as to the nature you have left an organization we all genuinely cared about (of course, with some humorous, albeit still truthful, puns). Though you have handed down to us little, we will be sure to speak to your legacy as tyrannical, egotistical, and bastardly.
If we were you, we wouldn't think to step foot back in The Crimson after you have vacated the premises, for we assure you, the atmosphere will not be one of welcoming embrace. We feel it is only fair to give you a rebuttal and chance to clear your mind and legacy—feel free to reply to this email.
(Dis)respectfully Submitted,
X
Word Count: 646 (foot pole up your *ss)
Drop-down: [redacted]'s forever-flaccid p*nis
-These rugrats will be coming to a failing newspaper near you this spring. They are the future of media.
This was written by someone who is currently attending or who has previously attended Harvard? That’s the Harvard from which our usurper-in-chief hails, rather than Harvard Middle School, right? Aside from the actual content, the lack of writing skills and any ability to form a coherent thought paints this (these) person(s) as adolescent and rather dim, at that. Congratulations on your Ivy League eduction. Bravo!
A bit of class would have been more effective. No wit, no cleverness. The average WWII combat vet(my father) could have witten a note that would have felt like the breath of the devil himself.
Can’t help but remember the old joke about the Harvard and Yale alums who met in the Mens Room. When the Yale grad started to leave without washing his hands, the Harvarg guy called him on it, saying “At Harvard we’re taught to wash our hands before leaving the restroom”.
To which the Yale grad replied “At Yale, we’re taught not to pee on our hands”.
It seems like Harvard forgot to teach their Crimson staffers common decency. But at least we know that their former President Larry Summers was acting as a role model when he expressed a desire to “f*** up” a conservative professor who he disagreed with.
An angry homosexual, how usual.
They probably smeared poo on it.
My Dad,during his career,had many Harvard and MIT grads working under him...although *he* never went to either school.He used to poke fun at Harvard (at home,not at the office) by saying that “you can always tell a Harvard man,but you can’t tell him much”.
It sure aint like the good days of the old National Lampoon. Ugly. No fun.
I was reading along for about a minute and then asked myself “Why am I reading this.”
I could not answer the question so I stopped reading.
Just wait 5 minutes and he will tell you.
Just wait 5 minutes and he will tell you.
Why am I reading this? Well, I must confess it was once my Alma Mater. Where I continued to learn to think for myself.
Dear sir, and whoever is reading this to you...
I did not attend the funeral, but sent a letter conveying my approval.
Spoiled, self-absorbed, haughty, classless, debased, with no sense of decorum.
Just what I have come to expect from Harvard.
34 large a year for tuition and this mouth-breather can't spell "its"? Let me guess - journalism major.
Ahhh, self taught then?
Ve Ri Tas
Not so much
Well, let’s just say that I picked my professors and read a lot on my own.
That was possible back then. There were still some great teachers there.
Now, I look at the English department, to take one example, and 19 out of 20 professors are jerks. The 20th is Helen Vendler, who has a blind thing against Christianity but otherwise is a brilliant reader of poetry.
Well, 19 out of 20 worthless tools. That ain’t good.
I had to double check - at first, I thought it was Krugman spouting leftist economic “theory”.
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