Now, someone needs to review Kerry’s 3 Purple Hearts - at least the one where some rice got embedded in his ass.
If it got embedded in his ass, I'm surprised that some wasn't embedded in his head as well.
That's been done. See "Unfit for Command," and also An Incident on the Bay Hap River
The rice in the tush incident doesn’t even qualify for a PH. It was “friendly fire”, actually self inflicted, that did not occur during an engagement with the enemy. A wound that is the result of friendly fire is only eligible for a PH if it is the result of misdirected fire during a hostile engagement. If two (otherwise) friendly units exchange fire, no PH should be awarded. (Stonewall Jackson would not be eligible for a PH under this rule.) An individual injured by misdirected friendly fire during a hostile engagement is elgible.
Self inflicted wounds are specifically excluded. If you shoot yourself during an engagement, you might get a trip to the hospital, but no PH. If you deliberately injure yourself, regardless of circumstances, you are eligible for a court-martial.
PS: John Kerry’s wounds were paper cuts, the kind of incidental injuries generally not even attended to by a medic or documented in a service members medical records. In one incident, the medic handed him a band-aid in the infirmary, and Kerry made him enter the “injury” in his medical records. Ground combat, even without any injuries inflicted by hostile fire, is lot like a football game. Participants receive a number of bruises and cuts from activities that have nothing to do with hostile fire. Most soldiers never even sought treatment for minor shrapnel wounds.
IIRC, his first one was self inflicted – a small piece from a blooper round he fired hit his arm. Another one was “earned” and also self inflicted when he tossed a grenade into a pile of rice and forget to move away. His 3rd was the result of bruises sustained on his boat. None qualified for a Purple Heart.