Total conquest? Leaving no pockets of resistance? The French are clearly amateurs, unskilled in such matters. They should consult with our vaunted experts like McChrystol, Petraeus, Allen, Dempsey, Mullen, and the Tampa housewives.
First, their military leaders should release warm Eid greetings in flawless Arabic so good that if you closed your eyes, you’d think it was Obama talking.
Then immediately form a coalition with the political wing of the moslem insurgents. They should then start arming the enemy and let them guard their soldiers as they sleep.
They should strictly prohibit the use of any weapon like artillery or close air support.
France should immediately buy the local government light attack aircraft and be sure not to exclude moslems from the opportunity to fly them.
The French soldiers in the field should have a full day stand down to have training about homosexuality.
Any criticism of the enemy cause or of their love for pedophilia must be harshly punished.
And last, the assault force must include lots of women who are encouraged to wear islamic headrags.
Here’s hoping the French will rediscover their military glory personified in Turenne, Gallieni, and Leclerc—but I’m not holding my breath.