Posted on 11/09/2013 6:37:56 PM PST by Armen Hareyan
Grandparents love to spoil their little treasures, a not so well kept secret parents of the child worry about, but they often have absolutely no legal rights to see their grandchildren. There are, however, laws that focus on the "best interest of the child" that a grandparent can utilize to ensure he or she is not denied the right to see their spoiled favorite little people. On the other hand, most times the elder generation is dependent almost fully on the middle generation's good nature and love for parent or mother/father-in-law in order to enjoy the youngest generation of the family.
When the grandparent is denied that right to see the grandchild, many problems may arise. You see, it is not so rare to have children in divorced families kept away from a parent, and subsequently that parent's parents. An online forum within the Grandparents.com website is called Grandparents without Grandchildren, a safe space to rant and ask questions, share stories and not feel so alone in the process. For some, they have problems with their grandchildren, others are denied access to seeing them, while others still live in the world of ipads and technology for a chance to glimpse their little grandchildren living far away.
I have my own examples when looking at this topic. My uncle's wife moved to Canada where she had her children, far away from her family. For the most part, her parents have only seen their grandchildren over skype and pictures forwarded over the internet, grandparents pining away to have those little ones playing on their knees. They feel the yearning to see the little girls all the time and the few times they have physically been in the children's presence, it seemed as if they could not get enough of them. The love was overflowing and you could tell they missed their little angels so. Of course, should the grandparents have had sole custody over the children, they might have suffered from deep depression themselves, a University of California and Berkeley study says. The perfect balance would be to have the parents as primary caregivers and grandparents as the favorite old people who spoil the children rotten. After all, those who have never had such memories of childhood have most definitely missed out on much available love.
Grandchildren and grandparents complete one another. Literally. A Boston College study pointed out that adult grandchildren and their grandparents should spend much time together, especially if they want to ensure their psychological well-being. “We found that an emotionally close grandparent-adult grandchild relationship was associated with fewer symptoms of depression for both generations,” said BC Sociology Assistant Professor Sara Moorman. Whereas grandparents as primary caregivers can have them feeling depressed, simply having them in a child's life has the opposite effect by alleviating depression symptoms overall. I feel sad that I have denied my own grandmother the right to see me at will and hug me, kiss me, feed me, fret over me, worry about me and all the other wonderfully frustrating and frustratingly wonderful things a grandmother is known for. I moved across the world and though we have Skype and pictures, it is most definitely not the same. I will only see her standing before me twice a year at most. Once if she visits Armenia and Once if I visit her in Canada. I can almost feel the depression at that thought seeping in.
Divorce in the family is by far the worst reason grandparents lose their grandchildren however, as presented on grandparents.com and an article on The Guardian. Children often go from having three sets of grandparents to one or two because the parents of the non-custodial parent barely, if ever, is given leave to see or care for the grandchildren.
If you have your grandchildren close to you in your life, cherish every moment. So many are denied the chance to be the grandparents they instinctively strive to be because their little treasures are torn from them one way or another. It will keep depression away and laughter reverberating round the house. Just don't forget to ensure they follow a proper sleep cycle while sleeping over! Enjoy them while they are around. You do not get the chance to be a grandparent to your grandchildren twice.
Luckily no divorce in our family, but if their ever was and my Mom could not see her grandchildren, it would break her heart. I feel horrible for those that get tangled in that mess.
Well, “one size fits all” legal solutions generally come into play when general social grace has broken down. This in turn is a sign of distancing from God. (People choose this. God doesn’t.)
It’s a sad situation. There sadly ARE “monster grandparents” who are better kept away from kids, and a law like this would require a plethora of restraining orders for those cases... just messy. A return to God is the answer, which doesn’t address the question, but makes the question needless.
No.
You’re right, HiTech Redneck. And here’s the case:
http://www.law.cornell.edu/supct/html/99-138.ZO.html
Some people screw up one generation—their own children—then insist on screwing up their grandkids as well. If the parents don’t want them in their lives, they should butt-out.
And that’s the state of the law, like it or not.
Should support of grandchildren be a responsibility?
Grandparent rights are like a right to free food or free healthcare - a fake right given by men and not by God.
My daughter and grandson lived with me for five years. Father, who was never part of my grandson’s life, and new wife lived in another state with her children. My daughter died and I had to go to court in the other state which fortunately had grandparent rights, at least for the grandmother, in order to see my grandson. Only reason father wanted my grandson was for the social security money. Just lots of years of pain, tears and court sessions but I made sure every minute I was “allowed” to spend with him count.
This is something which should never be allowed to happen. Each generation contributes something of value to a child and he needs them all.
Where “one size fits all” fails is when grandparents want to interfere with the parents’ rearing of their child. A prime example: homeschooling.
I feel for grandparents caught in emotional tugs of war that are never good for the children.
I’m loathe to allow liberal judges a blank check to “fix” this.
Children belong to their parents. Period. Unless a parent has provided gross evidence of unfitness, their word should be final.
Here’s my greatest concern: grandparent “rights” are a foot in the door to a child “belonging” to the community and not the parent.
If you want a relationship with your grandchildren, work on your relationship with your children. That doesn’t always work I know. Still, eroding parental rights isn’t the answer, either.
And it is bible sense too. The man and woman shall leave their father and mother and be united to one another. Leave, leave, leave. Rejoining is up to mutual consent and is not bound to be permanent in any case.
No, my daughter’s grandfather was a child molester.
Not true. In NM a grandmother won visitation rights on behalf of her deceased son and the same type of joint custody. Every other weekend, holidays, etc.
But then NM has an anal exam fixation so there’s that aspect.
What’s a ‘legal right?’ Rights either exist as they have always existed or they don’t.
The creation of ‘freshly minted rights’ (to use George Will’s term) is a mistake. It’s given us all manner of silliness from gay ‘marriage’ to convicts demanding special food to good old abortion in all its gruesome forms.
Families have problems. That’s life. If grandparents want harmony so they can see the grandkids then they should stress the seriousness of marriage and warn of the effort and commitment required BEFORE any babies are born. An emotional attachment is not sufficient to weigh down the law with more nonsense.
Coming from a close knit family, I just can't understand such cruelty. Parents use their children as weapons against each other. The ones who suffer are the children and grandparents.
“Some people screw up one generation—their own children—then insist on screwing up their grandkids as well. “
Yup.
Short answer: no.
My parents immigrated when I was 6 - never saw all but 1 of my grandparents again - they had plenty of other grandchildren to spoil. I can’t say I didn’t miss having Grandparents growing up a bit but I doubt it did me any harm. The trouble with making it a right is that it may cause just another level of legal problems and fighting among families - do we really need that?
my parents and my husbands parents were both divorced already and none of the four of them had any interest in anybody other than themselves.
None of them ever took any of their grandchildren to Europe or even to Cincinnati. Or even to a movie.
—
They were pathetic. So there is another side to it.
I on the other hand had a fabulous grandmother who loved me on my dad’s side. My mom’s mom wasn’t half bad either—she did more for me in college than my parents ever did.
Concur.
Rights are inherent. Privileges can be conferred or rescinded at whim. Almost everything today referred to as "rights" are nothing more than privileges.
Things often get confusing enough trying to maintain the rights of two parents. Four grandparents and two parents squabbling over a child would be a nightmare.
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