President Obama Will Sacrifice Bald Eagles To Fight Global Warming

Forbes ^ | 12/14/13 | James M. Taylor

[Impala64ssa]

The Obama administration announced last Friday that it will grant industrial wind farm operators 30-year permits to kill legally protected bald eagles and golden eagles without fear of legal repercussions. U.S. wind turbines already kill 1.4 million birds and bats each year, including many endangered, threatened and protected species such as California condors, bald eagles and Indiana bats.

The Obama administration claims this annual bird and bat slaughter is necessary to fight global warming. Sources very close to the President have leaked to me the text of the following presidential speech on the topic, which President Obama will deliver later this week in a parallel universe that I will reconstruct (satire) for readers.

“My fellow Americans,

Hard times demand dramatic action.

Our human-caused global climate disruption has reached crisis levels. Not a single hurricane struck the United States this year. It has been eight full years – the longest period on record – since a Category 3 or higher hurricane struck the United States. This record lack of hurricane activity is depriving the southeastern United States of much needed rainfall.

Earlier this year, the United States underwent the longest period in history without a single tornado death, which has exacerbated human overpopulation concerns. This lack of tornado deaths means more people are using up more natural resources, especially in the American heartland. This is especially problematic as more people in the American heartland means there is an increasing strain on water resources in the heart of our nation.

This year marked the fewest number of U.S. wildfires in 30 years, depriving the western United States of the regular wildfires that have always been a part of nature and are crucial to wilderness regeneration cycles.

[nascarnation]

Great line!

[Candor7]

The Mac Daddy fascist will decide to demoralize America whenever the opportunity may arise.

[ETL]

President Obama Will Sacrifice Bald Eagles To Fight Global Warming Destroy Capitalism

And its symbols.

[Ruy Dias de Bivar]

Wait till they whack a few CONDORS.

[maddog55]

Prefer to see him sacrifice himself...

[Mastador1]

I fully understand why zero is ok with this. After all, the Bald Eagle is representative of America, her power, glory and history. These are all things that obamaramadingdong hates and despises, so decimating the living embodiment is pure pleasure for him.

[Flycatcher]

Good post.

The Audubon Society says they are against wind power, yet they totally promote the destruction of private-property rights to fight the hoax of man-made global warming.

They're all hypocrites. Every last one of them.

[EinNYC]

Have we ever had a president before where you pick up a newspaper and EVERY SINGLE DARN DAY there's another stupid thing he said or did? Or another crisis?

I am totally disgusted with this clowna@@. Stick a stamp on his forehead and send him back to Kenya.

[The Great RJ]

Any bets that Al Gore has a pillow stuffed with bald eagle feathers?

[clearcarbon]

Why is there concern about saving an endangered species habitat if you’re only going to grind up that species with a device that can easily be replaced?