Grow up, lady. This is a forum full of people who deal in reality as they see it, not a bunch of nicey-nice cookie-pushers who insist on not using words like "stone" and "coxswain" (an Arkansas boy, in the age of Woodrow Wilson, wrote home to his girlfriend, in a letter collected by H. L. Mencken to illustrate one of the vagaries of American speech, that the Navy had made him a "rooster-swain" of one of the onboard barges and gigs).
This isn't Anne's Green Gables.