“Hi Madam Secretary. I’m Brennan and I’m 15 years old. At my school, body image is a really big issue for girls my age. I see with my own eyes the damage Donald Trump does when he talks about women and how they look. As the first female president how would you undo some of that damage and help girls understand that they’re so much more than just what they look like?”
Hillary:
Great question.
Well first, if you were twelve and raped by a forty-something year-old man, I would suppress evidence, slander you for wanting it, and get him off for 2 months served. I’d be sure to joke around about it in news interviews too.
And if you were college-aged I would make you an intern as a gift to my husband for helping me ride his coattails to the white house. If he bit your lip, just listen to him and put some ice on it, he has experience and knows what he’s talking about.
But since you’re fifteen, I would hook you up with our good friend Jeffrey Epstein to go live on a nice island where you would get lots of attention from men who would complement you for how pretty you are.
I would offer to introduce you to Carlos Danger, but he and Huma had a falling out recently.
Barney Frank is retired and has experience offering jobs to attractive young people. But I think he only hires boys. Can’t win them all.
Are you from South America? Because I’ve got friends from the former organization known as ACORN who will find you... errr... modeling work where everyone will tell you how beautiful you are.
And our close friend, Vice President Biden, will definitely make young girls like you feel beautiful and special. He’ll be my Czar of free hugs.
And, if an any of these scenarios with these gentlemen, you happen to get pregnant, be assured I am your protector and will get the abortion services you need, so that other gentlemen will not body shame you in a pregnant condition.