Oh I looked. I believed. Then I saw god refuse to help the murdered toddlers, the millions killed by dictators, and I stopped believing.
You are an empty vessel . God allows mankind to act on his own , man can live by God’s laws or not . God’s intervention occurs at the time of passing . Be prepared or not .
I will pray for you.
Your nihilism is hollowing you out from the inside. Try to open your eyes to the moments of beauty and grace that occur every day. It might not help you believe in God but at the very put you in a better mood.
I have to fight my own nihilism every day.