[Qiviut]

We used to get Dr. Laura on the radio in my area, but not any more (too bad). I was really struck by her attitude on divorced people dating who had minor kids. She says raising kids is the #1 priority and your love life needs to take a back seat until the kids are 18. There's a lot of wisdom in that, especially when you see kids being molested/abused/ killed by boyfriends, etc. Unfortunately, having/keeping a boyfriend is often the priority rather than being a other to the kids and shacking up has become socially acceptable. If you do meet someone, her advice was not to introduce them to the kids until you reached a very serious stage (such as becoming engaged) rather than hopping on the roller coaster of dragging every boyfriend/girlfriend through the door to meet the kids. Many find Dr. Laura's approach draconian, but as an example of how it can work, here's a letter from one mom who is doing it the Dr. Laura way:

Here is the best advice I ever received when divorcing 12 years ago, when my two boys were 1 and 3 years old: Don't date, they are already down one parent. The revolving door of significant others just exacerbates their sense of loss in relationships, which will affect how they choose their potential mates in the future. Then I looked at my soon to be ex-stepdaughter, age 10, and realized that she had had 6+ adults in her life between her parents' love lives. I don't date. My boys' are not at risk for abuse of any kind and they have no drama. My boys are now 13 and 16 and have a solid home life. They have male mentors through the Partners Program. They may not know a typical family unit with two parents, but they know stability and consistency. My love life will begin in 5 years when my youngest goes to college! Until then, I go out with my friends every now and then and bother my teenagers knowing where they are and who they are hanging with. Life is good. May they choose better than I did, as they see the repercussions of not choosing wisely.

[Qiviut]

rather than being a other to the kids

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

‘other’ should be “mother”.

[yldstrk]

Right, I was divorced against my wishes, and did not date until my youngest went to college.

[NorthstarMom]

I discovered Dr. Laura when I was a young wife and stay at home mom. Listening to her helped me to grow up and become far less selfish. We just celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary and her advice has made those years much happier.

She was spot on regarding not dating until your kids were out of the house.

I miss listening to her program.

[MayflowerMadam]

One of my close friends’ husband abandoned her and their 3-year-old son on the ‘80s. She decided to postpone romantic relationships until her son graduated from high school. Her son is a productive, well-adjusted man with a wonderful family. The boy’s Christian grandfather was ever present in his life, so he had that to help with male influence.

[Lizavetta]

Many find Dr. Laura's approach draconian,

Anything that impinges on one's desire for instant gratification is "draconian", in today's world.