Posted on 12/26/2018 2:27:07 PM PST by Kaslin
Assets at the National Security Agency have intercepted extensive email and internet chatter from sources within the United States and abroad regarding an alleged birth of a special child in a rural farm just yesterday, December 25th, almost certainly a small town known as “Bethlehem” in Pennsylvania. Due to the apparently unique circumstances of the birth, and the potential security threat of a child rumored to be the start of a social movement undermining the role of government as the people’s exclusive moral compass, we request permission to place federal and state security assets on high alert.
Federal officials were first alerted to a potential disturbance when an abnormally bright star was spotted in the sky in the vicinity of Bethlehem. Teams at NASA and the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration reported normal atmospheric conditions at the time. However, over the last 24-hours, research teams at both agencies are now speculating that global warming may have caused this unusual phenomenon.
Drone surveillance has permitted us real-time gathering of evidence in our effort pinpoint the exact location and circumstances of the alleged miraculous birth.
A confidential informant sent to the location has informed us of a shocking situation on the ground. It is said that the child was born in a barn, surrounded by various livestock, without the aid of medical doctors, other care givers, certified midwives, or even a licensed doula. We have therefore sought the assistance of the Departments of Health and Human Services and Agriculture, as well as inspectors at the Food and Drug Administration, to determine the full extent of federal health and agriculture regulations that likely have been violated. As a preventive safety measure, we suggest all livestock present be seized, quarantined, and tested.
Finally, it is our preliminary recommendation that we contact local Child Welfare Services to prepare to have the newborn child placed into the custody of the State. It is our firm belief that a prompt and multi-faceted response to this incident will send a very clear message that this Administration will not tolerate willful violation of public health and safety mandates. However, considering the recent successes enjoyed by civilian entities in securing court injunctions against Executive Branch actions, we recommend plans be initiated to ensure the Department of Justice is fully prepared to defend our actions in court.
Mr. President, we will update you regularly as more information becomes available regarding this highly unusual and disturbing breach of regulatory norms.
In more recent news it is reported that a creature from the sky spoke to the parents warning them to flee to a foreign territory. Secret service is acknowledging a breach of protocol among its operatives that may have resulted in this violation of government secrecy.
The current whereabouts of the family are unknown at this time. It is suspected they have fled to Alaska and are under the protection of the Palin clan.
It is imperative that the FBI and DOJ as well as the 13 secret agencies of the federal government insure the president is kept wholly uninformed about this matter. He simply cannot be trusted with a matter of this delicacy.
In addition, it has been reported by more than one source that the “unique circumstances of the birth” refers to the mother not only having been married a young age and as yet a virgin, but still being a virgin in giving birth.
The rare condition of virginity itself being maintained for some time after puberty is likely due to religious influences which esteem abstinence until marriage, and deplore abortion. Therefore this has also been brought to the attention of Child Welfare Services as a case of possible child abuse, while the local Department of Education has also shown interest in the case.
Meanwhile, social networks have been quite active as reports are circulated. PETA activists expressing concern over the welfare of any animals possibly being held as captive in the barn, while atheists scoffed at the idea of a virgin birth.
Another remark was by NOW spokesperson Leslie B. Ian, who expressed hope that this reported virgin birth was true and marked a new era of women experiencing pregnancies without any need for men, or artificial means.
Other activity was seen between NARAL supporters who wondered how this pregnancy could come to term in the province that it did, seeing as under their president Lucifer Herod this area saw extensive abortion services being accessed under the influence of the Federal Department of Health, Education and Welfare.
Those who are believers of the women’s faith assert that this is a fulfillment of an ancient prediction. However, Harvard trained theologian Fillmore B. Aloney dismissed this as being the product of unlearned amateurs.
Meanwhile, some Catholics have made the mother much the center of attention, including stressing that this son is indebted to her, and begun to ascribe many miracles and many titles to her based on anonymous oral hearsay. In response, in what looks like the beginning of a long conflict, those of the women’s evangelical faith stress the Divine Christ as being the object to devotion, and object to elevating the honorable mother in far excess to what is written of her.
However, the pope opinioned that if this birth was a fulfillment of ancient prophecy, then the church awaited deliverance from imminent dangers of Climate Change, beginning with the rising waters of the Jordan river, and often violent storms on the Sea of Galilee.
The whole village is in an uproar over this.
Rather, the village uproar was over the mother being married at a young age, and not having “proper” sex education, and thus maintaining virginity! And not being on Fed assistance.
Yes. So we know how the Leviathan State would have responded to Christ’s coming. Actually, his undermining of the Leviathan State of the time - Rome - is the exact analogy that the modern Statist’s (er, “gangsters”) would be concerned about.
And an even more pointed question would be: How would the modern State operatives react to scrufty bands of farmers and mountain men in the Carolina’s and Virginia going after their Royal Overlords with muskets?
We all know the answer. With devastating firepower and frenzied madness.
In other words, they ain’t Patriots. They’re actually the second coming of the Redcoats.
So we have a government that is hostile to Christianity and to citizen self determination.
Is it a legitimate American federal government?
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