Hillary Clinton Suffers Coughing Spell in Howard Stern Interview

… And Hillary goes on his show?!!! WTF.

Desperation!

I understand what you’re saying.

I’m not one to hope that she runs. Even the possibility that she would win is horrendous.

She’d loose the hounds of Hell on us.

All that brimstone gets to you

“If an election were held, I would vote for Satan”!

The unwarranted hate for Trump is so great that if Hitler ran against him, Hitler would get millions of Dem votes.

Choking on carpet fiber again.

They went to commercial when the alien started to emerge out of her chest ...

Way back in 1998, I wrote a bit about an imaginary appearance by Bill Clinton on the Howard Stern show. Never even occurred to me that Hillary might actually show up there!

HOWARD: (Pfffft)…Two-twelve!…Get the mike by his butt, Baba Booey, you idiot…(braaaap)…Two-thirteen!…(fwwaaarp)….Two-fourteen!…Time! Two hundred and fourteen farts in two minutes. That’s great.

JACKIE: Twelve short of the record, though.

ROBIN: Not bad, but not good enough.

HOWARD: Yeah, nice try, Mike “King of All Flatulence,” but you’re still a loser. Gary, give him a “Dial-A-Mattress” or something for trying. Now get out of here! I have a real guest coming in. Robin, does this shirt look good? This is definitely going to be on the CBS Show, and I want to look handsome.

JACKIE: Ya gotta long way to go.

HOWARD: Shut the hell up, you fat bastard! Don’t try to sabotage me on this very important day. The former president of the United States is going to sit in with us for the news. Hey Robin, try to be your sexiest today - you know the President is single these days. Tell him about the three inputs.

ROBIN: Shut up, Howard, here he comes.

HOWARD: Fred, turn on the presidential music, you Martian! Mr. President, sit over here! Where are you going?

JACKIE: Oh! Not on my mike!!

(Phwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaappppp!!)

HOWARD: Mr. President!! Get on the microphone. That was great!! Robin, the president just farted on my show!

CLINTON: I’ve been holding that one in for ten minutes in the green room! Nearly busted my gut. How ya doin’ Howard? I’m thrilled to be here.

HOWARD: We’re thrilled to have you here. You’re the first ex-president we’ve ever had on our show. And probably the last. What are you doing slumming on this show?

CLINTON: Well, Howard, I’m not running for political office ever again. I’ve decided that I can finally just act like myself now. Your show seemed like the best place to start. I’ve spent my whole life living a lie so I could get elected. Now, it’s just me, Bubba.

ROBIN: Are you admitting that you were less than honest with the American people, just to get a few extra votes?

CLINTON: C'mon Robin, are you naïve? I would have sucked Janet Reno’s dick to get a few extra votes!

HOWARD: Mr. President! I was too slow with the beep. You can’t talk like that on the air, the FCC will crucify me! Hey, why didn’t you get the FCC off my back before you left office?

CLINTON: I meant to Howard. I had all these last minute things that I was going to do in my final months. But with all those indictments breaking up my inner circle, I had to resign a little early. That way I could get Al to pardon me before they throw him out, too. Sorry, but I don’t think George Junior’s gonna do anything with the FCC for you.

HOWARD: I’m screwed again, Robin.

ROBIN: We never get any breaks. I’m amazed that the president’s being so honest with us today. Are you open to talking about everything, Mr. President?

CLINTON: Call me Bill. Yeah, everything's on the table. Ask away.

ROBIN: Well Bill, there are those who believe that you had people murdered to get and hold onto your power. Did you have anything to do with the death of Vince Foster?

CLINTON: No comment on that one.

ROBIN: What about Jim McDougal?

CLINTON: No comment there, either.

ROBIN: Those kids in the Starbucks coffee shop?

CLINTON: Actually, Robin, I really didn’t have anything to do with that one. It just worked out well for me on its own.

ROBIN: What about Ron Brown?

CLINTON: No comment.

HOWARD: Robin, this is my show. That stuff’s boring, let’s ask the important questions. Mr. President, which way does your penis bend?

CLINTON: To the left. You wanna see it?

HOWARD: Of course! Jackie, Fred, Robin, we’re gonna see the Presidential penis! Ooooh hoooo, Saturday Night Live doesn’t have a chance this week!!

CLINTON: You’re not gonna sue me now are you? I don’t want to go through that again!

HOWARD: Of course not. Ahh! There it is!! The presidential penis! Oh, the stories it could tell.

ROBIN: It’s not very big, though.

CLINTON: Come here, my little chocolate cupcake. It’s big enough - if you know what you’re doing. I’m still a legend in Arkansas.

ROBIN: Well it didn’t keep Hillary around once you left office.

CLINTON: Yeah, well it wasn’t enough like a vagina, if you know what I mean.

HOWARD: Are you saying what I think you’re saying?

CLINTON: I’m not saying anything about that. She’s the one with the FBI files. She knows where the bodies are buried…so to speak…hehe… I gotta be more careful. Let me put this thing away.

ROBIN: Well, were you ever intimidated by her legendary intelligence?

CLINTON: Are you on crack?! She spouts nothing but liberal platitudes and pabulum. Just once, I wish that cow had a thought as deep as her footprints!

HOWARD: Ouch. So you guys weren’t sleeping together then, were you?

CLINTON: Did you see those cankles on her? Please, I wouldn’t bang her with your dick.

ROBIN: What are cankles?

CLINTON: Robin, how can you not know that? You’re a newswoman, for godssake. When a woman’s calves and ankles are so fat that they just become one thick mass, she’s got cankles.

JACKIE: That’s as old as the hills Robin, where've you been?

HOWARD: Shut up, Jackie, the president doesn’t want to hear from you. Anyway Robin, let’s start the news while the president’s still here.

ROBIN: Well let’s start with Kosovo. The AP wire is reporting that 60,000 NATO troops are still hunkered down in Pec, absorbing heavy casualties. A 90,000 man reinforcement force is bogged down in Prizen, apparently hemmed in by a small band of Serbian irregulars armed with chemical weapons supplied by Russia.

CLINTON: Well, let me just say that my prayers go out to those soldiers. The blood they spill will eventually make the world a better place for all our children. For this, I, and the whole country, are eternally grateful.

HOWARD: Wow! That was so cool. You really sounded sincere.

CLINTON: Thanks, its a gift. I can turn it on and off anytime I want. Wanna see me cry? Time me.

HOWARD: OK…one mississippi…two mississippi…there it is! Two mississippi and your tears are on your cheek. I had to use onions to cry in my movie. What else is in the news Robin?

ROBIN: Well the fighting between Greece and Turkey has intensified since last week’s assassination of Greek Premier Costas Simitis. Turkish forces have established a beach head on Greece’s west coast, but Greece is threatening to use biological weapons to drive them back into the sea. Meanwhile, Bulgaria has used the escalation of the Balkan War as a pretext to annex Macedonia. The Macedonian resistance has released data on their tactical nuclear arsenal, in an attempt to intimidate the Bulgarians into leaving.

CLINTON: Oops. Thank god for term limits!! Junior’s sure got his hands full.

HOWARD: Enough Balkan stuff. What about that rape? Did you do it?

CLINTON: My lawyer has advised me to continue to deny it, unless she shows up with some evidence. So, no, I did not rape that woman.

HOWARD: Besides, you wouldn't have raped her if she had just said "Yes".

CLINTON: Of course not, but she...Hey! Cut that out. I did not rape that woman...ya think anyone’s buying it?

HOWARD: Nah, what about Paula Jones? You did show her your penis, didn’t you?

CLINTON: Of course. She’s got her money, now, so what the hell, I’ll admit it. I was just looking for a little strange.

HOWARD: What’s the big deal? You were governor. She should have done it for the good of her state. And Willey coulda put out, too. It’s supposed to be an honor when the president hits on you.

CLINTON: That’s exactly right. Willey was a big crybaby. I gave her boobs a little squeeze, is all. Big deal.

ROBIN: On the domestic front, the Senate hearing on Chinese espionage have determined beyond the shadow of a doubt that Chinese military money was given to Democratic Party in exchange for nuclear weapons technology.

CLINTON: I'd do it again, if I had to. I might have lost the election otherwise!

ROBIN: Well, the Republicans in the Senate, in the interest of maintaining an appearance of bipartisanship, have offered up a proposal for consideration. Their bill proposes that the two parties divvy up the country's remaining nuclear secrets, and then each would be free to sell their share to the highest bidder.

CLINTON: Hey do you guys want to go to Scores this afternoon? I am definitely in the mood for some strippers.

HOWARD: Absolutely! Baba Booey, you idiot, call Lonnie and tell him we're having a presidential party this afternoon.

CLINTON: Hey, you got any bucks I can borrow?

HOWARD: Don't worry, Lonnie will give us tons of funny money and the drinks are free.

CLINTON: Man, I chose the wrong line of work.

HOWARD: What's the matter, are you short of money?

CLINTON: Nah, I just got cash flow problems. I converted all my Chinese money into gold bricks, and deposited the stuff I siphoned off the defense budget overseas. It's a little tough to get at quickly. It's billions, though.

BABA BOOEY: Howard, the president's people say he has to get going now.

HOWARD: Where are you going in such a hurry?

CLINTON: I gotta go do Regis and Kathie Lee next.

HOWARD: Are you gonna bang Kathie Lee?

CLINTON: I’m sure gonna try. Frank’s a wrinkled old prune. I’m sure that little wench needs a good bang.

HOWARD: Of course she does, she’s a frustrated firecracker. So we'll see you at Scores later today.

CLINTON: Wouldn't miss it! Kathie Lee's probably a long shot.

HOWARD: Don't be so sure, Mr. President. You have to come back, I have so much more to ask you. Hey! Did you ever do Eleanor Mondale and Markie Post?

CLINTON: I gotta run, Howard.

JACKIE: That's a yes!!

She’s a sick woman in more ways than one.

Folks, I’ve been predicting for months that Hillary wont run for President. She would likely die on the campaign trail.

But she won’t have to run. Not in any traditional sense.

Click my screen name for a possible case of how Hillary gets elected next November.

The corrupt American media, that’s how. I am legitimately convinced that the corrupt MSM is a curse upon this nation.

Ah, the return of the Plague.

How many times do the voters have to say no to Hillary?

Haven't you kept up with all the news about malfunctioning computerized voting machines? I'm concerned it's not going to be up to the voters.

I am legitimately convinced that the corrupt MSM is a curse upon this nation.

If it is any consolation, the MSM is a curse on every nation.

I dare you to listen to the BBC for more than five minutes without puking.

Sulphur? Or....

Aside from the hairball stuff, what are the theories behind Hildebeest’s persistent cough? COPD? Heart failure?

Prolly just a reaction to cabage, piss, and farts

I bet they are going to have to disinfect the chair she was sitting in because a dollar to a donut she pissed herself

She needs to be fitted for an electric chair or piece of hemp

One physician believes she has Parkinson’s, and/or is taking drugs for a heart condition. One side-affect of these drugs is a persistent dry cough. But remember when Hillary had that black sore on her tongue? There are photographs. What the hell was that?