You speak with a lot of wisdom.
I have wondered about that paradox as well.
I learned that with my first girl friend. I was having problems with her, and her best friend told me to stand up to her and tell her what to do. I had a tough time comprehending that.
Later in life I had a bully boss, very mean, very hateful. I stood up to him, talked back, stood my ground and from then on we got along better than he did with many others.