After Lackluster Showing, Nikki Haley Orders Bombing Of Iowa

The Babylon Bee ^ | January 15,2024 | The Babylon Bee

[packagingguy]

Final polling data ahead of the official caucus shows Nikki Hayley losing to Trump, which the presidential candidate has emphatically said is "unacceptable." According to sources, polling data motivated her to launch retaliatory attacks against a voter base that despises her.

Support by defense contractors for Hayley's presidential campaign has since quadrupled.

"We're all in for Team Hayley," said Lockheed Martin CEO David Rumsfeld. "It's so inspiring the way she wants to give us money to bomb people. Boy, do I love bombing people."

Iowans have responded unfavorably to the bombings, but Fox News reporters confirm that the diminished Iowan population is likely to give her an edge should her candidacy survive to the general election. "The lack of Iowa voters will undoubtedly turn the tide," related Fox News' chief political anchor Bret Baier. "Some Hayley voters may be collateral damage, but most of those who hate Hayley will no longer be able to vote against her. This is a big win for Team Hayley."

[packagingguy]

So it looks like Haley has solved the problem in Iowa using some of her contacts in the defense industry.

Sorry, but those voters for Trump just won't be there for the general election.

It looks like Nikki has found a way to win this whole thing after all.

[Nextrush]

LMAO

[BobL]

“After Lackluster Showing, Nikki Haley Orders Bombing Of Iowa”

Actually I thought they were referring to the Iran bombing of a US Consulate in Iraq, considering that the first reports (at least on FR) were just as the Iowa results came in.

[11th_VA]

Good one !

[Robert DeLong]

Now that was funny, but darn if I can see the joke. Because she probably discussed it. 🤣

[gundog]

Maybe just drop a few doors on them.

[Red Badger]

[Oscar in Batangas]

Bomb bomb bomb
Bomb bomb Thurman (IA?)

[cgbg]

She probably said it—and then two days later denied she said it!

;-)

[zeugma]

The Bee strikes again. Excellent satire from the masters.

[MNDude]

haha! I bet Babylon Bee has had this story ready for a week!

[Robert DeLong]

Absolutely, that is her M.O. for sure.🤣

[AnthonySoprano]

.

LMAO!

[bitt]

P

[AnthonySoprano]

[TigersEye]

As a backup plan Nikki wants every Iowa caucus voter identified by vote, address and photograph to be distributed to Antifa/”palestinian” protesters.

[Dawgreg]

ROTFL!!!!

[PROCON]

The Bee is so far ahead of everyone, including Nikki, LOL!

[bigbob]

She better steer clear of Iowa City, as it looks like ONE more person voted for here there than Trump. That’s the heart of her enthusiastic support base!

[PROCON]