Robbing midgets blind since 1999
Posted on 11/24/2001 6:20:48 PM PST by SAMWolf
SCHIZOPHRENIA- Do You Hear What I Hear?
MULTIPLE PERSONALITY- We Three Queens Disoriented Are.
DEMENTIA- I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas.
NARCISSISTIC- Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me)
MANIA- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn ...or Deck the Halls and Spare No Expense.
BORDERLINE PERSONALITY- Thoughts of Roasting in an Open Fire.
PARANOIA- Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me.
PERSONALITY DISORDER- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, then MAYBE I'll tell you why.
DEPRESSION- Silent anhedonia, Holy anhedonia. All is calm, All is pretty lonely.
OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE- Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell...
PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE- On the First Day of Christmas My Mother Gave to Me (and then took it all away).
Robbing midgets blind since 1999
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CAN YOU NAME THESE CHRISTMAS SONGS?
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1. Oh, member of the round table with missing areas
2. Boulder of the tinkling metal spheres
3. Vehicular homicide was committed on Dad's mom by a precipitous darling
4. Wanted in December: top forward incisors
5. The apartment of two psychiatrists
6. The lad is a diminutive percussionist
7. Sir Lancelot with laryngitis
8. Decorate the entryways
9. Cup-shaped instruments fashioned of a whitish metallic element
10. Oh small Israel urban center
11. Far off in a haybin
12. We are Kong, Lear, and Nat Cole
13. Duodecimal enumeration of the passage of the yuletide season
14. Leave and broadcast from an elevation
15. Our fervent hope is that you thoroughly enjoy your yuletide season
16. Listen, the winged heavenly messengers are proclaiming tunefully
17. As the guardians of the woolly animals protected their charges in the dark hours
18. I beheld a trio of nautical vessels moving in this direction
19. Jubilation to the entire terrestrial globe
20. Do you perceive the same vibrations which stimulate my auditory sense organ?
21. A joyful song of reverence relative to hollow metallic vessels which vibrate and bring forth a ringing sound when struck
22. Parent was observed osculating a red-coated unshaven teamster
23. May the Deity bestow an absence of fatigue to mild male humans
24. Rose-colored uncouth dolf is aware of the nature of precipitation, darling
| Buy This Dawg! | Best offer accepted | Or will trade | |
|---|---|---|---|
 |
Dawg. Used. Lazy (Male). Old. Don't eat much. Barks some. Make Best Offer to Bubba care of: POOR WHITE TRASH or fax to attention Poor White Trash at 650-960-6833 or phone us at 650-968-8148! | ||
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'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE AN EBONICS CHRISTMAS
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Wuz de nite befo Crimmus;
and all ower da hood;
ereybody wuz' sleepin'
Dey wuz sleepin' good.
We hunged up our stockings;
an hoped like de' heck;
that ole Santa Clause;
Be bringin' our check.
All o'de fambily;
wuz laying in de beds;
While Ripple and Thunderbird;
Danced through dey heads.
passed out onna' flo;
right nex to my maw;
When I heard sech a fuss;
I thunk: "It mus be de law!!!"
I looked out thru de bars;
what covered my doe;
'specting de sheriff;
Wif a warrant fo sho!!
And what did I see;
I said, "Lawd look at dat!!
Ther' wuz a huge watta mellon;
Pulled by giant warf rats!!
Now ober all de years;
Sanna Clause, he be white;
But looks liken us bros;
Gets a black Sanna dis nite.
Faster dan a Po'lees car;
My home boy he came;
He shupped on dem warf rats;
An' called dem by name!
On Leroy, on Lonzo;
and on Willie Lee;
On Saphire, on Chenequa;
Dey wuz a site to see!!
And he landed dat watta' mellon;
Out der in da skreet;
I knowed it was fo' sho',
Da damndest site I ebber did see.
He didnt go down no chimbley;
He picked da' lock on my doe;
An' I sez to myself,
"Shit!! He done dis befoe!!!"
He had dis big bag
full of prezents I x'spect;
Wid Air Jordans and fake gold;
To wear roun' my neck.
But he left no good prezents;
just started stealing my shit;
Got my drugs, got my guns,
Even got my burglar's kit!!
Wit my stuff in de bag;
Out da windo he flewed;
I woulda' tried to catched him,
But he stoled my 'nife too!!
He jumped on dat wadda' mellon
an' whipped out a switch;
He wuz gone in a seccon',
Dat son of a bitch!!
Next year I be hopin';
Anutha Sanna we git,
Cuz' diz Sanna clause
Just aint werf a shit!!!
Mookie and BeBe was snug in the crib
in the back bedroom cuz that's how we live
and moms in her do-rag and me with my nine
had just gotten busy cuz girlfriend is fine
All of a sudden a lowrider rolled by
Bumpin phat beats cuz the system's fly
I bounced to the window at a quarter pas'
Bout ready to pop a cap in somebody's--
well anyway
I yelled to my lady, Yo peep this!
She said, Stop frontin just mind yo' bidness
I said, for real doe, come check dis out
We weren't even buggin, no worries, no doubt
Cuz bumpin an thumpin' from around da way
Was Santa, 8 reindeer and a sleigh
Da beats was kickin, da ride was phat
I said, Yo red Dawg, you all that!
He threw up a sign and yelled to his boyz,
"Ay yo, give it up, let's make some noise!
To the top of the projects and across the strip mall,
We gots ta go, I got a booty call!"
He pulled up his ride on the top a da roof
and sippin on a 40, he busted a move
I yelled up to Santa, "Yo ain't got no stack!"
he said, "Damn homie, deese projects is wack!
But don't worry black, cuz I gots da skillz
I learnt back when I hadda pay da billz."
Out from his bag he pulled 3 small tings
a credit card, a knife, and a bobby pin.
he slid down the fire escape smoove as a cat
and busted the window with a b-ball bat
I said, "Whassup, Santa? Whydya bust my place?"
he said,"You best get on up out my face!"
His threads was all leatha, his chains was all gold
His sneaks was Puma and they was 5 years old
He dropped down the duffle, Clippers logo on the side
Santa broke out da loot and my mouf popped open wide.
A wink of his eye and a shine off his god toof
He cabbage patched his way back onto the roof
He jumped in his hooptie with rims made of chrome
To tap that booty waitin at home
and all I heard as he cruised outta sight
was a loud and hearty.....
"WEEESST SIIIIDE!!!!!!!"
T'was the night before christmas and all through DC,
not a creature was stirring except Marion B.
The streets were abandoned, while drug dealers slept,
but the mayor in his limo, through northwest he crept.
A silver spoon was hung from his neck with great care,
in hopes that Charles Lewis soon would be there.
When, all at once there arose such a clatter,
he halted his limo to see what was the matter.
And what, to his wondering eyes should appear,
but a pile of white powder, a mountain of cheer.
He jumped from the limo, lickety split.
Five minutes later the mayor was lit.
He snorted and shoveled that coke up his nose.
His eyes were all bloodshot and glowed like a rose.
Back to the limo he ran like a flash.
Now that that's gone let's go home to my stash.
I heard him exclaim with no hint of strife,
I'll snort if I like, I'm mayor for life.
Answers
1. Oh Holy Night
2. Jingle Bell Rock
3. Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer
4. All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth
5. The Nutcracker Suite
6. Little Drummer Boy
7. Silent Night
8. Deck the Halls
9. Silver Bells
10. Oh Little Town of Bethlehem
11. Away in a Manger
12. We Three Kings
13. The Twelve Days of Christmas
14. Go Tell It on the Mountain
15. We Wish You a Merry Christmas
16. Hark the Herald Angels Sing
17. While the Shepherds Guarded Their Flocks By Night
18. I Saw Three Ships
19. Joy to the World
20. Do You Hear What I Hear?
21. Carol of the Bells
22. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
23. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
24. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Alrighty, then... g'nite, I'm off to slumberland!
Please note: The wolf in this story was a metaphorical construct. No actual wolves were harmed in the writing of the story.
LOL!!!!!! Too funny, thanks!
'Twas The Week After Election Day
(by Marlene, Theron and Ashley Bartlett)
'Twas the week after Election Day and all through the land,
All the votes had been counted, some recounted by hand,
They counted and counted, recounted some more,
But Bush/Cheney were ahead, and not Leiberman/Gore.
The Florida democrats had caused quite a stir,
When their candidate of choice had lost it, for sure.
They wouldn't admit to their narrow defeat,
So they demanded a hand count or the election repeat!
"It's not fair, it's a lie, it can't be!" they all shouted,
And they whined and they fussed and they cried and they pouted,
"The ballots were confusing, we punched the wrong chad!"
But the rest of the country knew they were just mad.
They were made to look stupid, all the fuss that they made,
When a child could have done it without any aid.
The ballot was simple, there is no excuse,
So why put our country through all this abuse?
And just when we thought all the media was through,
Who should appear but ol' "you know who,"
A man with no eyebrows, as stiff as a tree,
(Some even believe that's what he might be)!
With a voice loud as thunder, he called to us all,
"You ain't seen nothing yet! I won't take the fall!
I'll fight till the death, I will not give in!
We'll recount every ballot until I DO win!"
Then, to his advisors he turned without shame,
He whistled and shouted and called them by name,
"Now, Wexler! Now, Daley! Now Dershowitz, go!
On Warren, On Jessie! Let's give quite a show!"
"To the top of the votes! Drop Bush to his knees!
Edit those ballots, no matter the sleaze!
So pull out your votamatics and don't drop the ball,
Dash away! Dash away! Cast away! All!"
More faster than lightning, their forces they grew,
And before very long, they had quite a crew,
They tore at the laws, the Constitution they shredded,
And walking thin lines they brazenly treaded.
"Recount by hand!" (but just counties Gore leads in)
"Who cares about Harris? She's a 'hack' beyond reason'!"
So they grabbed at the ballots, the chads everywhere,
The Supreme Court Judges did not seem to care.
And throughout it all, Gore continued to say,
"It's the Will of the People! They must have their way."
So the electoral votes all hung in the breeze,
Who would have thought they'd get caught in palm trees?
The media ran rampant, they couldn't understand,
Why the popular vote winner may not run this land.
Then Hillary Clinton decided to speak,
(the media hadn't looked at her in maybe a week).
"As my first act of duty, when I'm sworn in by oath,
I'll change the Constitution, our democracy...both!
The Electoral College should be put to bed,
Our Founding Fathers have long since been dead!"
The more folks discuss it the angrier they grow,
Just who are these democrats and what do they know?
This could have been over a year or so ago,
Had they kicked out the other man in the show.
No lawsuits, no bickering, no fires to diffuse,
No sweating bullets during Election Day news.
If they'd packed up Bill Clinton, and sent him by bus,
Al Gore would have replaced him, without all this fuss!
They made their own bed, in it they should lie,
But why must the rest of us curl up and die?
Clinton and Gore, you've done quite enough,
Let our country be, we're sick of your stuff!
It's time to fix up all the messes they've made,
Their corruption, their lies, the tax dollars we've paid.
Perhaps now our country will lean more to "The Right,"
Happy Election Day to all, and to all a good fight!
It's pretty funny, but I can't find it anywhere.
Christmas 2018 Bump!
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