Posted on 12/20/2002 9:33:02 AM PST by RFP
> 'Twas the night before Christmas, cold, dark and foreboding, > As I sat at the workbench, quite busy reloading. > The empties from autumn were polished so clear > For primers and powder, and bullets from Speer > And Sierra boat-tails, and Nosler's Partitions > (My bench ain't no place for brand name omissions!) > All sat in their boxes, right next to the press > With dies from Midway, and RCBS. > > When all of a sudden there came such a jolt, > I grabbed for my Johnson, and whipped out my Colt. > As I spilled Hodgdon's powder all over the shelf > I scrambled for cover, just to protect myself > From up on the rooftop, came hoofbeats and snorting > Like the noise out of L'il Rock, from Clinton's cavorting! > I eased off the safety, to press-check my auto > With 230-hardball, I'd knock 'em all blotto. > > Were these rogue federal agents, sent by Schumer and Reno? > Or a staggering Ted Kennedy, in bad need of vino? > > My question was answered with a knock, and some sneezing, > "It's Santa, you moron, lemme in there, I'm freezing!" > I flipped off the dead-bolt and threw the door open wide, > To find St. Nick a'shivering, Rudolph by his side > He eyeballed my Commander, with a nod of approval > "You're all set," he said, "for dirtball removal." > "But this is no raid, we're not here to harm you > Or persecute, prosecute, or even disarm you" > Instead, said dear Santa, he needed to borrow > My .357, 'till day after tomorrow. > > "It's okay," he assured me, with a hint of frustration. > "I'm enrolled in the National Rifle Association" > He showed me his card, 'twas a Life Member rating > "I've had this since me and the missus were dating!" > "And you see, John ol' buddy, I've gotten real nervous > Since Feinstein was elected, with a promise to serve us" > So henceforth as I'm out there, my presents a'stackin' > "I want to assure you, I'm legally packin'" > > "And my gift for you this year, should give you a hoot > "I've told the Supreme Court to give Brady the boot! > Now, Rudy and I must be on our way" > He said, as he climbed back on the seat of his sleigh. > > With the reins in his hand, and my Smith in his pocket > He jingled the sleighbells and was off like a rocket > With a pair of speedloaders, and ammo to spare > I knew he'd be safe, he was loaded for bear > As he faded from view, I could still hear him calling > "From D.C., where 'P.C.' is already falling > "To bad guys in L.A., Detroit and Atlanta: > I'm licensed to carry. Don't be messin' with Santa!" > > "Merry Christmas and Good Night!"
free dixie,sw
Angry, MUD smiles...glowering in righteous indignation and rosy redshades...
Queen Hillary, hatefully waits behind Slick...
Slick's felony schemes grow...sneers at RATS' classless crowd!!
Clueless are the braindead young daughters raised by RAT-leftists!!
STOOOOOPIDITY is RAT-punks' Plan...
Once happy Lib'ral armies lay Frozen and Dead...
But Mudboy says, "The Fight Is On!!"
'Cuz we're all boldly JUST!!
Yes, FReepers are boldly JUST!!
Yeah, We're all boldly JUST!!
Just ask the Sultan!!
Ol' Slim is so confident that he bellows Anthems of War...songs ooze pure euphoria!!
Kristinn is young, full of daring...
And really quite steady when the RATS come round!!
JayLaLa is bespeckled but not so mellow...
In fact, I'm trying to say he's FReepin' like me!!
And all these patriot FRiends o' mine FReep next to me...and I to them!!
Devotin' my life to RATS' TRAITOROUS Fool...
But, I'm eh...yeah, I'm Old as MUD!!
Yeah, yeah...
Yes, Right's Bold...Boldly JUST!! (hear me talking, Willie)
We're Bold and Just!!
Just ask Ol' Landru (he knows everything)
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Heh heh heh...MUD
138 posted on 12/20/2002 12:21 PM EST by Mudboy Slim
AND THEN: 'Twas the day after Christmas when Santa returned
He was looking quite happy, all trim and sunburned
His sleigh had been emptied, and I'll bet you're all guessin'
If he did the same thing to his borrowed Smith & Wesson
Well the fact of the matter is in need of reporting,
Like the press oughta do about Clinton's cavorting!
Seems Santa encountered some trouble 'long the way,
'Cause some not-too-bright dirtbags tried to hijack his sleigh
When he left Christmas Eve, he was ready for action
And he made real good time, thanks to reindeer hoof traction
He had rag dolls, and capguns, baseballs and bats.
New dresses, toy airplanes, and a few dogs and cats.
Seems these wannabe grinches thought they were hot shooters
So's a bunch of 'em tried to be Christmas gift looters
But the one thing they hadn't expected to meet
Was a licensed St. Nick, packin' full magnum heat.
The night was still young, when these dipwits appeared
Their caps all turned backwards; at least one had a beard.
They were trying to look vicious, as they stood in his path
He could tell in an instant that they needed a bath
One fool made a grab for Comet and Cupid,
But froze when St. Nick had yelled "Hold it, there, stupid!"
When he leveled my sixgun at this crazy-eyed fellow
The snow at his feet turned a pale shade of yellow
"It was over real quick," Santa said with a chuckle
As he hauled out my Smith from behind his belt buckle
"Never fired a shot, never pulled back the hammer
"Got the cops on my cell phone, and sent 'em all to the slammer"
After that much excitement, 'twas a rest Santa needed
So with his gift-giving, he quickly proceeded
And when he was finished, Santa issued this order:
"Rudolph, old pal, take us south of the border!"
So now he was rested, and this stop was his last one
And he made it real clear, that it must be a fast one
With my piece back in lockup, he said "Thanks for the loan
"Next year, rest assured, I'll be packin' my own"
And just what, did I wonder, might then Santa unlimber?
A Colt, Sig or Taurus, a Glock or a Kimber?
Perhaps Heckler & Koch, a Kahr or a Ruger?
A wheelgun from Rossi, a Walther or Luger?
"I'm not sure," replied Santa, as he scoped out the weather,
"But I'll contact your buddy, Mitch Rosen, for leather.
"And now, I must leave you, until late next December
"But Dave, I assure you, I will always remember
"You did me a favor, and that's one I owe you
"So when I get my own gat, I'll be certain to show you
"In the meantime, ol' buddy, I'll scream it, I'll shout it
"If you're licensed to carry, don't you leave home without it!"
- David Workman
Buck.
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