Nick and Norm drive the point home

presenceofmind.net ^ | January 9, 2003 | Greg Swann

[Greg Swann]

Nick and Norm drive the point home A Ramblin' Gamblin' Willie story by Greg Swann

Nick: So now driving an SUV funds terrorism...? Norm: Yup. Nick: An SUV? Norm: Yup. Nick: Just driving it. Not driving the getaway car for a bank robbery? Norm: Just driving. Nick: Not smuggling an SUV-load of the drugs you say fund terrorism? Norm: Just driving. It's the gas. Nick: The gas I put into my SUV? Norm: That gas. Nick: Not the gas I put into my sedan? Norm: Nope. Nick: Not the gas I put into my lawn mower? Norm: Nope. Driving SUVs funds terrorism. Nick: What about Honda SUVs? They're not even really SUVs, just fat, ugly cars. Norm: Driving SUVs funds terrorism. Nick: What about those little Suburu SUVs? I mean they're practically like station wagons. Norm: Driving SUVs funds terrorism. Nick: What about pick-up trucks? That's what a real SUV is, after all. Norm: Driving SUVs funds terrorism. Two white guys in suits talking about terrorism. Who does that influence? Nick: ...White guys in suits, I guess. Really dumb white guys in suits. Norm: Exactly. Not pick-up drivers. SUV drivers. Nick: So that's why driving SUVs funds terrorism... Norm: And buying jewelry at the mall. Nick: No way! Norm: Buying jewelry at the mall funds terrorism. Nick: Jewelry... At the mall... Norm: And buying smuggled cigarettes. Nick: I'm on the patch. Norm: And sending your children to college. Nick: Grace got the kids, you know that. Norm: I'm not talking about kids. I'm talking about all the ways really dumb white guys in suits fund terrorism. Nick: Really dumb guys? Norm: The dumbest. Nick: Dumber that those guys in the FedEx commercials. Norm: Stealing ideas from FedEx commercials funds terrorism. Nick: But I mean, guys so dumb they'll believe the stupidest arguments? Norm: That dumb. Nick: Guys who'll believe that drug buyers fund terrorism, but the laws that make selling drugs so profitable don't? Norm: Guys that dumb. Nick: Guys who'll believe that it's the cigarettes but not the cigarette taxes that make them worth smuggling? Norm: Guys that dumb. Think about this one. Nick: Okay. Norm: See a penny? Nick: Got it. Norm: Pick it up? Nick: Yeah. So? Norm: Funds terrorism. Nick: What if I just leave the penny where it is? Norm: Even worse.

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[Nick Thimmesch]

m

[Wolfie]

LOL! A perfect parody of those assinine ONDCP commercials.

[Wolfie]

ping

[MrLeRoy]

Actually, although I've read transcripts I still haven't seen any Nick and Norm ads. I must not watch enough TV.

[Wolfie]

They're great. Two businessmen at lunch laying down some serious BS. Its all in close-up. I'm convinced the close-ups are because it was a 2-martini lunch.

[Protagoras]

I'm convinced the close-ups are because it was a 2-martini lunch.

One can only hope so. It would be far more frightening to think anyone could be that stupid without the benefit of drunkeness.

[jmc813]

WOD Ping

[EBUCK]

ROTMFFLMGAFMAO!!!!

Great, tape it, broadcast it.

JC, thanks for the ping...

EBUCK