In the Weekend Journal section of today's Wall Street Journal is the "Tastings" column by Dorothy J Gaiter and John Brecher. That's reason enough to subscribe to the paper, But, I digress. Dorothy and John reveal that at the PARIS TASTING OF 1976,"in a head-to-head blind tasting, French judges preferred American wine..."Obviously they never got over it.
I think if French women would bathe, shave under their arms and shave their legs the French would have a different view of life.
Now, according to you, sir, THE ENTIRE WORLD ARE WORTHLESS AUTHORITARIANS. The UN represents membership from the entire world, and was made to help resolve conflicts PEACEFULLY! Is that unacceptable? The idea that the US alone is respectable and the rest of the world stinks causes us lots of resentments from people who rather think of themselves as equally humans.
Paris - Inspired by the commercial success of the United States Army’s "Boot Camp" video game, the General Staff of the French Army has announced plans to market "Ultimate Surrender," a video game based upon the proud military traditions of the Gauls.
In the game we follow the exploits of Lucky Pierre, an apprentice garlic salesman from Marseilles, as he joins the French Army and begins a rigorous course of combat training.
The First Level of the game is called "Survival School," and the players have to help Lucky Pierre survive 24 hours without red wine or crème brulé.
The Second Level is "Capitulation," and the goal here is to see which player can have Lucky Pierre surrender the fastest without firing a shot or getting his uniform dirty.
Level Three is "Collaboration." Here the players battle to see who can collect the largest numbers of pairs of nylon stockings and packages of chocolates by having Lucky Pierre perform sexual favors for members of the occupying forces.
Level Four is "Be Ungrateful to America for Rescuing Your Sorry French Ass Once Again." In this extremely challenging part of the game contestants vie with one another to see who can make Lucky Pierre behave in the surliest manner when the United States inevitably comes to the rescue of the defeated French.
The Final Level is "Pretending to Have Been in the Resistance." Here contestants compete in a battle of tall tales and whoppers as they try to protect Lucky Pierre from treason charges.
Marketing tests show that "Ultimate Surrender" is a big hit with French teenagers and young adults who are too young to have experienced France’s lightening surrender to the Germans in 1940 or its defeat by the Vietnamese in 1954 at Dien Bien Phu. "Zees is a great tool to inspire ze patriotism in ze youths, n’est ce pas?" said General Jean-Jacques Loseur, Commander-in-Chief of the French Army, during his weekly press conference. "Since ze end of ze Cold War we French have not had many opportunities to surrender or to show great cowardice in the face of much weaker opponents."
When questioned about comments made in the French Chamber of Deputies that "Ultimate Surrender" makes the French Army look like a bunch of gutless mama’s boys, General Loseur pulled out a white handkerchief, put his hands over his head and said, "Oh heck, I give up."
I invite a better artist to improve on this.
I will share herewith the diary of a UN bureaucrat sneaked out from the UN at great cost and sacrifice and translated from the original french, the official language of the UN...
Last night I layed down in my bed and surrendered to the pillow. Woke up refreshed, went to the bathroom and surrendered a pile of merde to the toilet. Went to the kitchen and surrendered to a tasty croissant with camembert (the *real* french kind mellowed and aged in a cow turd).
Got in my Peugeot. wouldn't start, sacre bleu! My very good friend Henri helped me fix it and to celebrate we surrendered to each other while watching a video about Gay Paree. Got into my Peugeot and surrendered to the terrible morning traffic.
Arrived at UN Headquarters and eagerly surrendered to filling out a pile of UN forms on filling out forms. at 10am got up and surrendered to a cup of latte'. At noon, sent to the cafeteria and surrendered to the tasty goat brains and moutard brulee' (a ethnic Mongolian dish). went back to the office and surrendered to a staff meeting on the UN etiquette of not mentioning African genocide in ethics meetings.
A long day, I am truly surrendered!
Got back in my Peugeot, which again wouldn't start. My very good friend Jacques helped me start it and to celebrate we surrendered our derrieres to each other.
I surrendered again to the traffic, got home and surrendered to the couch and Bill Moyers on PBS, a truly progressive program I surrender with fully... I Surrendered to a long and warm session with my bidet, mon petit derriere worked so hard today! Perhaps tomorrow I will surrender to a nice warm enema? Finally surrendered to a few chapters of "Nothing and Nothingness" by Jean Paul Sartre. lay down in my bed and surrendered for the evening...