Urban Possum Varmit...Freeper needs advice on how to get rid of possum living under porch.

8/9/03 | self

[Overtaxed]

My children are hungry, and my dog needs a bone.
I ain't got a job now, so I'm just drivin home.
An hour after sundown, and much to my delight.
There's five pounds of possum, in my headlights tonight.


There's five pounds of possum, in my headlights tonight.
If I can run him over, everything's gonna be alright.
We'll have some possum gravy, oh what a wonderful sight.
There's five pounds of possum, in my headlights tonight.


Don't have to kill no chicken, don't have to open no can.
Just a little bit closer and I'll have him in my hand.
I think the time has come now to dose him with the brights.
There's five pounds of possum, in my headlights tonight.

[bert]

Speaking from the experience of having caught a live possum day before yesterday, here's how to solve the problem.

Go to your brother-in-law and borrow his live trap. In the early evening place some cat food and goodies in the trap.

The next morning, take trap and possum far away and release.

If there is a brother-in-law problem, many hardware stores stock live traps.

I also caught two young coons earlier in the week. I hope I have solved the nightly problem of a turned over bird bath, but doubt it. There are frequent possum road kill on the streets and I fear we have a permanent possum problem even tho we live in a fairly densely populated suburban neighborhood.

[Tuscaloosa Goldfinch]

Actually, my son had this problem (we live in the sticks) and the possum would come onto his porch. They will eat cat food, dog food, whatever, so one night he just waited for him, and shot him. End of problem. Just put out a little bait, and wait.

[Agnes Heep]

Raise his rent.

[F.J. Mitchell]

I've read a few letters to the editor from those in Chapel Hill- talk about stinking, phe-e-e-w.

[Kevin Curry]

I released one once in an open field and crows swoooped in to attack that defenseless creature.

O, the horror of it. Don't look now but the vicious and cruel carnage ogoing across the great green lap of Gaia as predators feast on the living flesh of the preyed-upon is of such an enormity as to begger the imagination of the most ardent Stephen King fan.

You better run out there and stop it--now. But don't use force. That would merely be surrending to predators' way of solving problems. No, you must reason with them. Shame them as a last resort if you must, but don't harm their self-esteem.

[DeFault User]

If there is a brother-in-law problem, many hardware stores stock live traps.

What will they come up with next? Where do you release him? San Francisco? ;o)

[Overtaxed]

I've read a few letters to the editor from those in Chapel Hill- talk about stinking, phe-e-e-w.

I avoid reading those....bad for my stress level.

[AntiGuv]

Possum killer of last resort:

[jjbrouwer]

How many rednecks does it take eat a 'possum? Two. One to eat, and one to watch for cars.

[MamaTexan]

Throw a few chunks of Ex-Lax under the porch.
I gets 'em pretty fast and dehydrates the carcass so it don't 'stank' too bad.

[cmsgop]

Your Answer awaits you

[Cheapskate]

" Call the PETA rep"
That one is kind of scary to me
they might file a lawsuit and give your home to the possum.
you might end up living under the porch.
that is if they dont just take you out and shoot ya.

[suzyq5558]

sounds like my mom, she beat a chicken hawk to death with a broom! said those chickens cost 50cents apiece and were thier wieght in the eggs she was goin to sell.

[easonc52]

http://www.cityofstamford.org/AnimalControl/Links.htm

[Pukin Dog]

All you need are three adult dachshunds. They will instinctively corner and hound the thing out of any space. One will face it; the other two will bite at its flanks. The possum will leave. Trust me.

[firewalk]

bttt

[billhilly]

Find a redneck with too many hounds under his porch. Tell him he can eat it if he can catch it.

[searchandrecovery]

Your poem makes me want to, well, cry - so very beautiful. Haven't we all been there?

Hey, HEY - I think there's a Poet Laureate position open in my state of New Jersey. I can check it out for you if you want.

[Constitution Day]

Hey man, my wife got me back for leaving the PBJ dance on her voice mail.

She apparently found the "macarena" song online and left it for me at work.