The fact of the matter is that before God created any of us he knew whether or not we would ever be numbered among the "elect". So whether God chose us for his own purposes and then gave us the ability and desire to follow him or whether God stood by helplessly while we made some free will decision to choose him and become numbered among the "elect", the effect is the same. God chooses the elect for his reasons and for his purposes. There is an elect and you should pray to God that you are numbered among that "elite upper caste" because everyone who isn't numbered among them is numbered among those who are going to heck.
You don't have to be a Calvinist to know that ultimately it is God and God alone who gets to choose who will spend eternity with Him. If at some point in our lives we make a "free will" decision to follow Christ and secure our place among the "elect" it will not be because of what we did independently of God's will, but because God gave us the ability and desire to make that Free Will choice. Can we say the same for those who ultimately reject him? Are those who choose Christ and make the free will decision to follow him born with a different nature than those who reject him?
Calvinism recognizes that Man is wholly incapable of making a free will choice to follow God independently of the irresistible calling of the Holy Spirit. Now you may say that the Holy Spirit's calling is resistible, but to those who follow Christ and persevere to the end, the calling was clearly irresistible.
I an neither a Calvinist nor an Arminian. I believe that both approaches are valid in what they assert, but both are flawed in what they deny. Calvinism stresses the Soverignty of God and Arminianism stresses the responsibility of man.
God is sovereign and man is responsible. That's it. Do you disagree with either of those assertions?