Yes, she says -- but she would also do it again, because she thinks that parents have become obsessed with the scary "what ifs" in life, rushing to protect their children from every possible harm and keeping them from learning independence:Posted on 08/23/2010 2:45:19 PM PDT by NYer
You may have seen the cute story in the news today about the three-year-old who walked to the fire station to get help when her dad collapsed at home, saving her father's life. Over at the Agitator, Radley Balko links to another article that, while a year old now, raises an evergreen question about teaching our children to think and act for themselves (as this little girl did) in a world that increasingly tells us it's not safe to let them out the front door unaccompanied.
First, the back-story: In 2008, journalist Lenore Skenazy earned herself the title "America's Worst Mom" when she wrote a column about letting her nine-year-old son ride the subway in New York City by himself. Izzy had begged his mom to let him find his own way home on public transportation; so after she discussed it with her husband, they armed him with a subway map, fare card, and emergency money and let him go. He returned home in one piece, immensely proud of his accomplishment.
For Skenazy, however, it was the beginning of a barrage of comments in the media accusing her of being a reckless mother not fit to parent a gerbil. Didn't she know what could happen to her son?
Yes, she says -- but she would also do it again, because she thinks that parents have become obsessed with the scary "what ifs" in life, rushing to protect their children from every possible harm and keeping them from learning independence:
What has changed in the English-speaking world that has made childhood independence taboo? The ground has not gradually gotten harder under the jungle gym. The bus stops have not crept farther from home. Crime is actually lower than it was when most of us were growing up. So there is no reality-based reason that children today should be treated as more helpless and vulnerable than we were when we were young. . . .
Mostly, the world is safe. Mostly, people are good. To emphasize the opposite is to live in the world of tabloid TV. A world filled with worst-case scenarios, not the world we actually live in, which is factually, statistically, and, luckily for us, one of the safest periods for children in the history of the world. . . .
Adults once knew what we have forgotten today. Kids are competent. Kids are capable. Kids deserve freedom, responsibility, and a chance to be part of the world.
I'm not a parent, but even interacting with my nieces and nephews, I can definitely spot the "helicopter mom" impulse in me. Maybe that changes as you have more kids and learn to relax a bit -- to recognize that, no, the world isn't out to get your precious babies. (Conversely, I wonder if parents are more anxious today because they have fewer kids to teach them that lesson?) Every child is different, and no one knows better (hopefully) than his parents what he is and isn't capable of; maybe we should trust that knowledge a little more, and listen to the parenting experts a little less.
Still, I'm not sure I'd go so far as the unaccompanied subway ride. Heck, I'm not sure I should be allowed to ride the NYC subway alone. Then again, I didn't grow up riding it, as Izzy has. Maybe he has some tricks he could teach me.
What do parents think? Is Skenazy onto something? Or is she really, truly, America's Worst Mom? And check out her blog, Free Range Kids, for more.
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We have sheltered and protected our kids for too long. Is it any wonder that 20 somethings are late growing up?! They have been raised in a coddling society. When I was growing up, the boys would duke it out on the play yard. Today, boys are trained from pre-K to sit quietly in their seats, like the girls.
The two examples notwithstanding, when I was a kid we walked all over the place IN A MAJOR CITY, but we did it in bunches since there were about a dozen kids my age within 2 city blocks. You don’t see families where 3-5 kids are the norm.
I’ve always thought that there were probably about the same number of pedophiles and nuts out there now as then but (1) unfortunately kids who were molested didn’t talk about it (bad thing BTW); and (2) we hear about everything these days so it seems as if there’s a pervert behind every lamp post.
Still I wouldn’t let my 9 year old ride the subway if I had a 9 year old...and that 3 year old is much smarter and probably mature than my kids were at that age.
The problem is that couples today are having so few children that their investment in each child borders on obsession. How can they take any chance of something happening to an only child? I’m not saying that any child should be considered expendable, but today’s parents seem so anxious.
I just found out that my sister, who was 7 at the time, many years ago decided to take off one summer day and go into NYC by herself without telling anyone. My family is from northern NJ. She got on the bus at the corner, got on the subway, and went to Alexanders Department store. She was able to find it because my friends and I took her there the week before. Obviously, no one at home missed her because we were all out and about and all over the place.
I wonder how much the MSM news has affected the mama griz instincts we have. Hearing of children missing all over the country. But what are the chances of your kid breaking a bone compared to being kidnapped or disappearing? My kid broke 2, and my greatest fear of not knowing where he was will be faced soon enough when he heads for boot camp. :) I hope I survive.
I think half the problem is that people have so few children. You *can’t* watch nine children all the time. You’ve got to go to the bathroom once in a while.
I think there’s a happy medium between mollycoddling and having your kids ride the NYC subway alone.
It’s not like it’s either/or.
Neurotic, terrified, angry soccer-moms, that's what. As long as they're kept frightened and vicious, they'll cling to their liberal focus groups for safety and vote Democrat to protect their babies from conservatives and men.
No, I'm not kidding, and I'm not exaggerating. What Hillary has done to two full generations of American women is nothing less than psychological genocide. And what do we have now as a result? Heart-dead, groupthinking sadists locked together in utter obsessive-compulsive terror, and hell bent on following their narcissistic hatred straight off a cliff in obedience to their Dear Leader's megalomaniacal delusions of godhood.
Go ahead, try to talk to one like a normal human being - I dare you.
bttt
BTDT. When my oldest daughter went to boot camp last summer, it was the first time in her life that I'd had really no idea what she was doing. Fortunately, I didn't see the video about the training until after she graduated, or I'd have been a wreck!
My kids would fall under the definition of ‘free range’. My childhood was very free range, used to ride my bike all over town, just had to be home for dinner or when the street lights came on (depending on circumstances).
I recognize that times have changed and I was much more concerned than my parents probably were. However I gave them the slack to go. Today my adult kids are independent and can act independently without my oversight.
Good point. It’s just insane what happens when the MSM focuses on a missing child. It’s my understanding that very, very few child abductions are unrelated to custody disputes.
My nephew had two tours in Iraq. I was a nervous wreck. Thank goodness he’s safely home now. :)
Very good point. Ditto for their pet dogs and cats.
I have to disagree with that. "The world" isn't out to get my children, especially, but in the larger sense, it's out to get us all. Reality bites, physics kills. It's a jungle out there, kiddies, and we're all gonna die.
The choices a parent (or an individual adult for himself) have to make involve evaluating the likelihood of various outcomes and determining courses of action that provide a reasonable return on investment
One thing I wonder about is these mini-vans with the DVD players. If a kid should get separated from the rest of the family (or wander off,) how will they ever find their way home if all the time spent on the road they’re watching Spongebob?
Exactly right.
Thank you for the post and ping! Alexander’s department store!! Oh how that brings back the memories. I’ll bet she is no worse for adventure; if anything, she probably enjoys sharing that story with her children and friends.
That’s no problem at my house. They all end up in the bathroom WITH me.
One day, I want to potty by myself!
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