Pope Trek

Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Vatican. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new heresies, to develop new practices and new doctrines, to boldly teach what no man has taught before.

Jorge T. Kirk: Pope's log, stardate 2017.4. We have beamed on board two aliens suffering from acute Heresitis: there's a sick lunar man and an omnisexual Martian, James Martian, no less.

James Martian: Bleep, bleep, bleep! The Holy Spirit's a woman! Mary Magdalen wore a dalmatic! God can learn a lot from us! Can I use the ladies' rest room, please?

Dr McCoccopalmerio: This behaviour is perfectly normal for some alien species, Jorge.

Captain: Pope's log, supplemental. Meanwhile, nobody on board knows where we're going, but my science officer, Mr Spockaro the Vulgar, has a theory.

Mr Spockaro: Jorge, I've reprogrammed the ship's computers to use the formula 2+2=5. It is the most logical solution.

Spockaro: Anywhere you'd like to be, Captain, provided that it's somewhere the Church hasn't been before.

Mr Tuglu (urgently): Captain, Lieutenant U'Sarah has jumped ship. We think he may be heading for Cappa Magna to join the rebel Burkons.

Captain: Set course for Cappa Magna, Mr Tuglu. Warped Doctrine 8. Dr McCocco, any news on the health of Amoris Laetitia?

Captain: See if you can save some of her, "Boneheads". Her footnotes, at least.

Spockaro: Captain, we're approaching Cappa Magna. Witless worms on the starboard bow.

Captain: Mr Spockaro, I want you to beam down with me. We'll take with us three red-shirted security personnel [cardinals] who can be conveniently wiped out, since we're the ones essential to the plot.

Engineer Baldisseri (for it is he): Standing by, Captain, ta beam ye doon ta the planet!

Captain: Thanks, "Baldy", let's go! We'll shoot to kill, so set phasers on "Mercy".

Omnes: ♫ We're Pope Trekkin' across the universe, Boldly going forward, still can't find reverse. ♫

How will the Captain and Spockaro fare when they land on Cappa Magna? Will they succumb to an epidemic of Familaris Consortio virus? Or will it simply wipe out the three expendable red-shirts? Why has "Baldy" filled the transporter room with stolen books? Have we heard the last of James Martian? Does General Sosa of the Jesuites still reject the Gospels, or has he found some tricorder readings dating from the 1st century? Finally, what role will be played by a three-foot gnome called Ivereigh?

ONLY ONE PERSON THAT MATTERS TODAY TO US CHRISTIANS :)

men don’t make us follow Christianity. Of any denomination.

GOD and the New Testament do. :)

2 posted on 04/16/2017 1:15:53 PM PDT by dp0622 (The only thing an upper crust Conservative hates more than a liberal is a middle class conservative)

Well I used to think that the Book of the Revelation had weird characters but this beats it buy a parsec or two. ;-)

3 posted on 04/16/2017 1:31:34 PM PDT by SubMareener (Save us from Quarterly Freepathons! Become a MONTHLY DONOR)

4 posted on 04/16/2017 1:42:45 PM PDT by Vaquero ( Don't pick a fight with an old guy. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.)

Keep on trekking Frankie Boy and don’t come back.

5 posted on 04/16/2017 4:57:46 PM PDT by jmacusa (Dad may be in charge but mom knows whats going on.)

Is "Pope Trekkin'" done to the tune of "Space Truckin'?"

If so, I approve.

6 posted on 04/16/2017 8:35:37 PM PDT by Disambiguator (Keepin' it analog.)

At the opening and closing of each day ONLY the Lord matters.

Have a good and blessed Easter season!

7 posted on 04/17/2017 2:21:57 AM PDT by Biggirl ("One Lord, one faith, one baptism" - Ephesians 4:5)

8 posted on 04/17/2017 4:03:25 AM PDT by dp0622 (The only thing an upper crust Conservative hates more than a liberal is a middle class conservative)

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