Don’t know what to tell you, other than you need to thank G-d you were spared a marriage with a woman like that.
Finding a woman who is a woman is as hard as it is to find a man who is a man.
Given my wife and I had an all-but-arranged marriage, I am of zero help in that regard.
On a basic level, what women want in a man are a) providence (a house, a car, money) and b) protection.
I don’t think they mind if a man acts like a beast because women would rather have a lion to tame than have a pre-tamed lion. There’s no challenge in that. If the man is violent, that’s okay as long as it’s not violence toward her or her children.
While the rabbi’s advice seems reasoned and wise, he forgets that women are animals too and, like most animals, they care most about their own survival and the survival of their progeny.