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"As I live, says the Lord, I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but they turn from their ways and live". To me, that's a promise that God loves everyone and no one will be turned away if they repent their misdeeds. I've also been witness to something one might consider a miracle which tends to confirm this.

For myself, I've always had a hard time with the "love thy enemy part". But on inspection, what good is it if you only love your friends, and hate your enemies? It's what everyone does. It serves no purpose and accomplishes nothing. But to wish well for those who hate you requires effort, and can possibly lead to reconciliation. It's a goal, therefore, not just something that comes easy.

I tried loving my enemies when my ex left me (partly my fault) for a very difficult woman. She liked being a Christian, I was kind of a neophyte myself. She nearly ate me alive and I severed the relationship. Then I gave her another chance after many years, and she wasn't as vicious as before but it was too difficult because I thought she was totally into herself and interests, pretty much like my ex looking back on it. And nobody is all bad, I know that. If you think I am being too fault finding, you can tell me nicely and I'll consider it.

But it is a huge issue with me. Am surrounded with people I'm supposed to love who have either betrayed me or (twenty or more reasons).

Your first paragraph I agree with. I hope you don't mind, but I looked up some of your posts on a multitude of subjects and I really like the way you think and apply what you believe. Yes I have sincerely, some more deeply than others, repented and asked forgiveness for the ones I remember. I'll keep working on that part as I tend to be too hard on myself and can't let go of guilt.

I'm concerned most right now about doctrine and looked at most of any churches I'd even consider. Most I don't know where they got the authority to go against one of the top commandments with icons and statues. I'm kind of live and let live on that but no longer do any of it but still have things in my home.

And just because I like the way you think, I don't want to lean on your faith which obviously you are a faith-filled person although I guess that's what fellowship is for. I have to put Christ in the Holy Trinity first and always which is easier said than done.

I can be more loving to enemies who aren't a constant thorn in my side. I guess they don't do it but it exacerbates a physical condition that they are probably not the root cause of.

Clarification on my #115. I never "stalk" FReepers around. I rarely even look at their about page. It was just today I started looking up your posts on various subjects, not that you have to pass some litmus test with me.

My main focus is Catholics who leave the church. I was a convert in 1991 and lasted about 7 years, tried to go back. Some problems were pretty superficial on my part, some due to my emotional vulnerabilities, and the rest I feel warranted leaving. I feel like this huge cloud has been hanging over my head about it.

The NT has one and possibly two anathemas or curses. Wanting to be super Catholic, I read a lot of past documents, among them the Council of Trent and the long string of anathemas which have never been resincded. Just remebering some of them still fill me with fear. No pronouncement ever seems to be, just glossed over. And it was my ego that drove me to read a lot of things so I would feel like I was as good as a priest. It's hard to admit some of these things but I'll never be free, maybe not until I die if then, unless I'm as honest as I can be. Chronic depression doesn't help, and I don't think I resent God because I haven't been delivered from it even by those awful pills.

Most people who post anywhere on the internet about it leave due to sex the church prohibits, women priests, gay issues, things like that.

It wasn't that for me; I kind of liked having a solid foundation of rults. But it was the extra popular beliefs that made it extremely difficult. Like Medjugorje, Guadalups, because those things seemed to keep the people excited. Like the mass and sacraments and sharing weren't enough.

Sorry I opened up so much. I want to hear your side of things and especially how you can leave and seemingly "not look back" and free from torment about it.

THANK YOU for listening. I never know how it will be about going to the ER from one day to the next, so if you don't hear from me, that might be why. Although in addition to everything else, Christian belief has never been a requirement. One big CEO of our ever expanding hospital system hosted a fund raiser for Hillary. Haven't been able to shake it although it shouldn't have a whole lot to do with anything. But of late with all this ugliness, I have to ask if I want to submit to people who vote for the people who are tormenting Trump in extremely immoral and unethical ways, even though I'm the first thing to say he has his flaws; I support most of what he is trying to do except now Macron has apparently enticed us to stay in Syria. Why?.

There was a four-month spread where four times they tried to operate on the wrong body part to the point people take markers and write. There is another hospital much smaller where they caught things bit monster one didn't catch. So I asked a nurse about it, and she said they "are our bitter enemies." Generally the biggest one has the best for instance heart care.

I believe there might be such a thing as collective guilt even though no one in the Seven Churches in Asia were told to leave, just the opposite. This is now.

I certainly didn't drag out of bed today intending to start all this. So please forgive me if I'm being a nuisance. I need to listen more and talk less.