“Remember Jerry, if you believe it, it’s not a lie’.
Norm MacDonald, on not lying (edited):
I thought of a way of not lying, and I’ll… I’ll share it with you, if you like? You can tell the truth, word for word, absolutely true, but when you do it… You use a sarcastic accent. So I’ll give you an example.
Your wife goes, “Hey, I noticed at dinner you were looking at my sister.” You’re… You’re not attracted to my sister, are you?” And then you go, “Oh, yes, I forgot to tell you, I’m attracted to your sister.” She’s like, “All right, Henry. Never mind.” You go, “No. Why? It’s true. I…” “Hey, the only reason I married you is your sister, right?” She’s like, “No, I shouldn’t have brought it up.” “No! Why wouldn’t you bring it up? I mean, you’re the victim in this whole thing.” “I remember at the vows, I kept thinking,” I am going to seduce “every member of my wife’s family.” “Then, afterwards,” I’m going to invite them over to the house “and set it on fire, killing them all.” “And then I’m going to move on to the next town, where I do it again.” It’s like, “All right, Henry. We don’t need to hear it.” “You don’t have to be like this.”
“Why? Why?” “You’re the good person in this scenario.” “I’m the guy that goes from town to town…” seducing and murdering entire families… “And leaving conflagrations of ashes that used to be human beings.” “I’m the most savage” and prolific serial killer that ever was… and I’ve just never been found out yet, “that’s all.”
“Just go to sleep.”
“Yeah, I’ll go to sleep, or maybe I’ll buy kerosene all night.”
So, that’s just an example. You don’t have to do that one. I’m just… I’m just saying, that’s all.