"And the two shall become one flesh"
Mark 10: 2-12
The Word for Sunday: http://usccb.org/bible/readings/100718.cfm
Any one of us priests could write a book about all that we have seen and heard. Maybe call it: “Ministry – Believe it or not!” I think a center chapter of the book would be entitled: “Weddings – I’m not making this up!”
Yes, an Elvis impersonator did appear during the Nuptial Mass and present the rings. (A planned secret of the Best Man who didn’t tell anyone, including the priest, bride and groom, this would happen). Yes, the Bride did skip and sing down the middle isle with her Father – in Church. Yes, I was asked to officiate at a wedding near the bottom of a 500 ft waterfall. (I said “no”). Yes, the tearful Groom did sing to his bride after vows were exchanged as the college choir, of which he was a member, sang the love song from the movie “Titanic” – My heart will go on – in the background. I’m not making any of this up – believe me. And yes Wineries and Country Clubs are encouraging couples to celebrate their nuptials at their venue and many couples, Catholic and otherwise, are doing so. They then come to the Church after the fact and want Father to “bless” their marriage. On and on . . . Then we hear the Biblical explanation of marriage to seriously consider:
Our Gospel this Sunday begins with a legal question asked of Jesus by the Pharisees: “Is it lawful for a husband to divorce his wife?” Being somewhat of a loaded question as it always was by the Pharisees, Jesus in typical Jewish style responds with another question: “What did Moses tell you?” Then the debate begins after the question designed to trap Jesus both between Jewish tradition (Moses) and the recent challenge of John the Baptist, now gone, who criticized Herod for marrying his brother’s wife. The larger context is worthy of reflection.
Our first reading from the Book of Genesis is a beautiful one put in context. “The Lord God said: It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a suitable partner for him.” (Gen 2: 28). So we are presented this week with two pictures. Genesis states that from the moment of creation, our God who creates purely out of love creates a being to love and to be loved. The “suitable partner” for the man was of course one created from the same substance as him – a woman; a partner with whom to share equally and to be seen as equal in nature and purpose. So, we interpret this as the foundation of the married state from God himself – two equal partners, created with dignity, not only for each other but together to be loved by God himself. Those two equal partners would be given a great privilege – to bring new life into the world and to do so motivated by selfless love because that is how they were created by God who can only love selflessly. That union was not intended to be broken once joined together. As St. Paul reminds us: “As Christ loves his Church.” This human bond, covenant, was a life-long bond that would be ended only at the time of physical death.
Now, we may see such a lofty idyllic image as more of a hope than a reality in light of what we see today. So the Pharisees question in the Gospel may be closer to our lived experience. The whole question of divorce comes in, something that everyone of us is familiar with either in one’s family or maybe in your own personal experience.
With our present day sensibilities and properly correct language we may be a bit uncomfortable by this Sunday's Gospel. Jesus' commentary on marriage, divorce, and adultery is a challenge to the present day cultural experience of the 50% divorce rate, single parent households, the same-sex "marriage" debate, the painful reality of infidelity we find in marriages, the silent monster of sexual abuse, the lower number of couples being married in a Church ceremony, the not uncommon number of unmarried couples living together (male/female) with an undecided sense of whether to ever marry, the number of children that are born out of wedlock, and the general acceptance of alternative lifestyles. Now that’s much closer to our world than it was to the time of Jesus.
Those of you who have children in any level of school know well that your children's friends more often come from "broken" homes and second marriages. But, for all the numbers which may paint a gloomy picture of marriage and family life, there are still thousands and thousands of healthy, not perfect, marriages and families throughout the world. Yet, the problems are daunting. We are faced these days with enormous challenges to what has been coined "traditional" marriage and two parent (male/female) households.
So, what is Jesus saying in the Gospel? His commentary essentially goes to the first reading from Genesis about the equality of man and woman and God’s original intent. God created us in his image not to be subservient or to dominate one another but to share life equally and to be complete before him. Yet in Jesus' time a husband could divorce his wife with barely a reason. All that was essentially needed was a "bill of divorce" and the marriage would be over with and the women sent off. So, it’s really two approaches to the marital union we hear today – one a reflection, as Jesus says, on our own human stubbornness. Moses allowed divorce because you were stubborn and unwilling to hear a higher purpose to marriage, that of God’s intent.
And the words of Jesus which has become and must always be upheld by the Church about the nature of the marriage covenant – that is a permanent bond of mutually shared life and love between two equal partners of male and female out of which is produced new life. And that God is inviting himself to every marriage which then can become a union of three.
So faithfulness, respect, equality, openness to life, and a spiritual dimension in which faith is not just words but a lived experience in family life is our ideal. As one writer put it: “A vision of what God’s people can be when they choose, by God’s grace, to live in God’s kingdom.” (David Fleer: Preaching the Sermon on the Mount; 2007). Jesus sets before us lofty ideals that are rooted in God’s intention. But, he does not expect the impossible of us and what he states about the nature of marriage is not impossible, by his grace.
What may be missing in some marriages is essentially that faith dimension. While there is no magic bullet for those who share faith and live it out in family life the odds are far more in their favor for success than they would be otherwise. The problems in married life are real and they may well go beyond merely Church attendance, even Church goers do scandalous things, but a return to the ideal and inviting God into one’s marriage as the third member, along with the support of a faith-filled community, can be a medicine to heal wounds. To recognize the deep spiritual value of marriage as a sacrament in which Christ offers his love and grace to a couple is an essential firm foundation on which to build one’s particular married life together. The ordained minister of Deacon, Priest or Bishop acts as the official witness of Christ and the Church to call down the Spirit’s blessing upon that couple as they minister the Sacrament to one another.
The Church offers a pastoral solution for those caught in a marriage they feel should maybe have not happened in the first place. Or a marriage that even after a number of years may now show what was indicated in the beginning, called the “annulment” process. That’s a whole other discussion but an important one. In the best but not the impossible world, both spouses must be invested in the relationship in a way that supports the other, that shares mutually in life and concerns around parenting, and that can grow to the great ideal Jesus reinforces in the Gospel: “They are no longer two but one flesh.” Like a child, trusting and open, we are invited to live and accept the teaching of Christ - it is ultimately, like all things of God, for our own good and the common good of the Church and society.
O God, who in creating the human race
willed that man and wife should be one,
join in a bond of inseparable love
these your servants who are to be united
in the covenant of Marriage,
so that, as you you make their love fruitful,
they may become, by your grace,
witnesses to charity itself.
Through our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son,
who lives and reigns with you
in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
one God for ever and ever.
(Collect: Mass for the Celebration of Marriage)