More women choosing to remain childless

Staten Island Advance ^ | October 25, 2003 | GENARO C. ARMAS

[NYer]

WASHINGTON -- Anne Hare and her husband made a momentous decision three years ago: They would not have children. It's not that they don't like kids, she says. They simply don't want to alter the lifestyle they enjoy.

"With kids, especially young kids, infants and toddlers, you really can't do the active stuff we like to do," said Hare, 43, a fitness program coordinator from Gainesville, Ga.

Hare is among 26.7 million women aged 15 to 44 who are childless, a record number, according to new Census Bureau data from a June 2002 survey. They represent nearly 44 percent of women in that age group.

The number of women 15 to 44 forgoing or putting off motherhood has grown nearly 10 percent since 1990, when roughly 24.3 million were in that class.

Direct comparisons before 1990 are not possible because the bureau didn't track women younger than 18 until then.

The latest numbers reflect the well-established trend of more women going to college and entering the work force, then delaying motherhood or deciding not to have children. More also are choosing adoption, said Martha Farnsworth Riche, a demographer and former head of the Census Bureau. %%endsource%%

'WE DON'T HATE KIDS'

Hare said she and other childless friends often are incorrectly tagged as "kid-haters."

"It's just difficult to explain to people that we don't hate kids, it's just that we don't want our own," she said.

The percentage of women 40 to 44 -- those at the end of their childbearing years -- who have not given birth has hovered around 18 percent since 1994, but that's up from 10 percent in 1976.

Non-high school graduates and those with bachelor's degrees were most likely to be childless. Also women with higher incomes had the highest childless rates, in part a reflection of the increased professional options available to them, said David Popenoe, co-director of the National Marriage Project, a research group at Rutgers University.

Amy Caizza, study director for the Institute for Women's Policy Research, a Washington think tank, said society's attitudes about childless women also have changed.

"Economic reasons are part of it, but it's also the effect of the women's movement, that you don't have to be a mother to be a complete woman," she said.

ETHNIC BREAKDOWN

Just over half of Asian women were childless, the highest rate among race and ethnic groups. It was 46 percent for non-Hispanic whites, 39 percent for blacks and 36 percent for Hispanics.

Last year about 33 percent of all births were to unmarried women, roughly the same rate since 1998, said Census Bureau demographer Barbara Downs. Blacks were more likely than Hispanics or whites to have out-of-wedlock births.

Roughly 23 percent of the 25.8 million never-married women 15 to 44 were mothers in 2002, about the same rate from 1998 but up from 18 percent of the 20.7 million never-married women in 1990. There was a pronounced increase among never-married women in managerial or professional jobs who were mothers -- the percentage has nearly doubled from 9 percent in 1990 to 16 percent in 2002.

Many women in these occupations can earn salaries that enable them to raise a child on their own if they choose, Riche said.

"In earlier days, you had stigma and economic reasons" for these unmarried, professional women not to have kids, she said. "It's much less so now."

Also, about 8 percent of births were to women in unmarried partnerships, the first time the bureau had tracked such a category in the survey.

The report also showed a birth rate of 61 births per 1,000 women 15 to 44 in 2002, down from 67 per 1,000 in 1990. During the same period, it also found the birth rate for women 15 to 19 rose from 40 per 1,000 to 56 per 1,000.

That's far different from National Center for Health Statistics data, which in 2001 showed the birth rate for 15- to 19-year-olds at 45 per 1,000, declining steadily since 1990 from 60 per 1,000.

Government researchers, academics and the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, an advocacy group, said they considered NCHS birth data more accurate because it is based on official vital records from hospitals.

The census report was based on a survey of 50,000 homes.

[patriciaruth]

God loves you and we love you!

[kstewskis]

....just back from the So. Cal fires...

and thank you for your kind words and encouragement Max!

God Bless ;)

[ItisaReligionofPeace]

I would take a remedial English class, however I am too busy making tons of money and working hard right now. You appear to be quite the academic (read low paid and maybe even unemployed). I suggest you find a marketable skill and go from there.

[narses]

" I am too busy making tons of money and working hard right now."

You can be anything you want, in your fantasy life that is. Absent basic people and communication skills you will end up lonely and out of touch. You are so clearly in need of basic help in these areas that I can only pray you realize that soon and get that help. With a decent grounding in rational thought and people skills you could be much more than you are. Good luck and God Bless.

[Gophack]

I'm coming in late to this thread, and I've skimmed some of the comments and am very disappointed by many people.

I am a mother of four. I have always wanted children, I love them, and I feel that my life would be incomplete without them.

I know a woman who's a few years older than me who never wanted children. I've known her for more than 15 years and she didn't want children then, and now--even though she's married--she doesn't want children. You know what? I'm glad. She's awful with kids, has no patience, and is far more interested in traveling and partying than raising a family. Fine. That's her choice.

I don't think anyone on this list advocates "forcing" women to have children who don't want to. (this is far different than abortion, mind you; once the child is conceived, murdering that child for the sake of convenience--which is what all abortions are--is evil and wrong). But if a woman decides never to get pregnant and doesn't want kids, let her.

HOWEVER, that being said, there is a MAJOR societal problem. People with large families are often laughed at and ridiculed. I read the post about the family expecting their eighth child and the people who snickered and laughed behind their back.

When I was pregnant with my fourth, the woman I mentioned above who doesn't want kids, went to a good friend of mine and said, "Did you know (gophack) is pregnant again? That's number four." It was said in a very condescending tone with an eye roll.

People who choose to have large families should be praised and helped, not made fun of and ridiculed. I get comments like, "Well, it was your choice to have four kids, you shouldn't complain" and similar things. I never complain about my kids. I never complain about being tired, not having time for myself, not having money for vacations, or not being able to go out every weekend. Most of the time I don't care about those things. But when I come in ten minutes late because it's Halloween and I had to get my kids in their costumes for school and it took longer than I expected, I am frowned upon.

It's a two-way street. But there is definitely an antagonism toward large families that needs to end.

[Wallace T.]

In a century, the families that have eight (or any number greater than three) children will have the last laugh, especially if they home school, or if they can afford it, have their children attend a private school dedicated to the Christian faith and Western culture and if they attend a conservative evangelical church where they worship and which is their primary social support. It would be even better if the head of the household is also an independent entrepreneur. Families that are, as much as possible, out of the loop of the mainstream culture but are well connected to church and home school networks are the ones that will thrive.

If even two-thirds of the children of such families stay true to the Christian faith and in turn marry and choose large families, their numbers and influence will increase. There are currently two million homeschooled chidren in America, of whom probably 90% are evangelical Christians. If two-thirds of them remain committed to the Christian faith and to traditional values (using the pattern with Amish and Mennonites), and assuming the families they form have an average of five children, in 20-25 years, today's home schooled children will have about six million children. In another generation, that figure increases to 20 million children. That number increases to 67 million given another 20-25 years. By the end of this century, well over 100 million Americans could be products of an intensively Christian, strongly traditional, and anti-statist background.

The fact is that liberals, moderates, and even secular conservatives are not reproducing in numbers that ensure the continued dominance of secularism and anti-Christian attitudes in the long haul. (As nonbelievers, they took to heart Keynes' dictum that in the long run, we are all dead. Conservative Christians recognize their Biblical duty to provide for their progeny and to subdue the earth.) Perhaps the meek will inherit the earth, or at least 22nd Century America.

[Marie Antoinette]

I don't have a problem with people not having children either. My brother and his wife seem pretty happy with their lives sans kids. I think he would make a good dad, but he breaks out in a cold sweat just thinking about it! LOL! So he is a terrific uncle, that's plenty.

But it is true, there is an undercurrent in society of hostility toward large families. It's even worse when a couple eschews "birth control".

Just know that we are happily passing on the banner of conservatism to our 6.5 children, so others don't have to ;-)

[Gophack]

It's not just evangelical Christians. I am Catholic and I know many Catholic parents who homeschool. My kids go to a non-denominational Christian school (primarily because there was no Catholic school in our area when my oldest was ready to start) and I have been very, very pleased with the quality of the education, the Christ-centered philosophy, and the dedication of the teachers and parents.

I have thought about homeschooling, but I'm pleased with the school and as long as we can afford it, we'll send our kids to private school. If we can't afford it, I'll homeschool. Public school is not an option.

I do think homeschool and Christian schools will greatly help our society in the long run; it will be these kids who will ultimately change the world because they answer to a higher power.

[Gophack]

But it is true, there is an undercurrent in society of hostility toward large families. It's even worse when a couple eschews "birth control".

We practice NFP. Only our first *wasn't planned* (by us!). And, we conceived our first while using birth control (before we came back to the Church). Hmmmmm.

I am happy with four kids. I would be happy with five or six. I'm not "planning" on having more right now, but I would be happy. Really, what's the difference between four and five? The biggest change was between one and two, IMO

[Wallace T.]

I agree, except that the transformation will take more than one generation to accomplish. The Left's long march through American institutions did not start with the 1960s hippie and antiwar movements, but in the late 19th Century with the rise of Social Darwinism, "higher criticism" of Biblical truths, and a materialistic worldview. They have taken over a century to take over; it may take another century to root them out.

There is also the possibility that a Baby Boomer or Generation X Lenin might arise should economic conditions, foreign wars, or racial tensions be sufficiently severe as to make room for a leftist strongman. Were that to happen, home schoolers and other conservative Christians would be among the first to land in an American Gulag Archipelago.

All of these matters are ultimately in the hands of DIvine Providence.

[Abigail Adams]

Yowzers. I am really surprised at the hateful comments at the beginning of this thread (I just skimmed the rest).

So, if a woman doesn't want kids, she's "selfish"? How about smart enough to know what she wants from life, what's best for her and her husband, what's best for her physical and mental health, and what God's special plan for her life might be?

Who are any of you to say that people should have kids? Why not ridicule people who choose to be single, then? Or people who choose to divorce? Or people who have "too many" kids?

For those who "just can't understand" why people don't want kids, at least put a little effort into stepping out of your own little world to consider that someone else might not find happiness in the same things you do.

Some questions people have asked me, as someone who doesn't want kids, that I could turn around and ask people who DO want kids:

-So, what are some reasons you and your spouse decided you DID want kids?

-Have you talked to other couples who DO want kids about their decision?

-Is there something in your family background that makes you want to have kids?

-Is there some fear of the unknown that makes you want to have kids?

-Don't you think it's selfish to want kids?

You can see how ridiculous it sounds when you turn it around.

Come on, Freepers, I thought you were smarter and more rational than the rest of them.

[Rummyfan]

Good fiend of mine is thirty-eight and has no desire to have children (recently divorced). All I can tell her is that she is missing out on a big part of life. Would like to see how many of these women will feel in their fifties. Think they will have any regrets?

[NYer]

*Would like to see how many of these women will feel in their fifties. Think they will have any regrets?*

... in their fifties, the reality will begin to sink in, as they find it is far more difficult to compete with younger staff in the corporate environment.

... in their sixties, as they reach retirement age, regret wil sink in.

... in their seventies, the absence of someone to "watch over them" as they grow old, may well leave them devastated.

[Abigail Adams]

Maybe she'll be telling you about all the things you're missing out on? Like romantic dinners with your spouse. Or the chance to sleep through the night undisturbed. Or the chance to travel or pursue your dreams. Or the ability to retire comfortably without having to shell out major dineros for college.

There are no guarantees with having kids. They could be born with a medical condition that leaves you caring for them well into your "golden years", as opposed to them caring for you. Or you could outlive your kids, and find yourself alone in the nursing home.

You know, I really love kumquats. I just don't understand why everyone doesn't love kumquats. I think all people should eat and love kumquats. If you don't eat kumquats, you are missing out on a big part of the fruit world. If you don't like kumquats, you are not a real woman. I bet if you live until you're 70 and have never eaten a kumquat, you will regret it. My kumquats are so beautiful and delicious. Anyone who doesn't like kumquats is just dumb. How can I convince you that you should really eat kumquats?

[Gophack]

They might have regrets, but we can't force them to want or love children.

I do think society needs to support families more. It's like the reverse of the 50s, where singlehood and childless couples are celebrated, and those with more than 2 kids are looked down on.

[Abigail Adams]

"They might have regrets, but we can't force them to want or love children."

Exactly. If a person doesn't want children, why do we think they would have regrets? If the desire is not in their heart, and hasn't been for say 20 or 30 years, then why would they have a change of heart later? I think they would be happy that they lived according to what their dreams and desires were, instead of going against them.

And it doesn't mean those people don't support families. They just don't want to have kids of their own. It's not like they're telling you not to have kids.

I can't exactly explain why I don't want kids. The desire just isn't there. When I was single, lots of my single friends would tell me they couldn't wait to get married because they were dieing to have kids, like now! That just wasn't how I felt. What I did get excited about was my professional accomplishments. But nobody told me I had to feel fulfilled by my career. Nobody told me that I should have kids, either. And I'm not a feminazi. I'm just me. That's how God created me. And if you don't like it, you can take it up with Him.

That's my .02.

[Ciexyz]

Would like to see how many of these women will feel in their fifties. Think they will have any regrets?

I'm in my fifties, and I just retired effective today Nov. 1st. And I do not have children. So I can answer your question.

No, I do not have any regrets. God did not choose to put children in His plan for my life. The Lord had other plans for me, just as He chose to place children in the lives of my cousins...whose children I can mother, visit, play with. We all contribute to society in our own unique ways. I appreciate the ability to interact with my cousins' kids...and I thank the Lord for the various other blessings He has brought into my life.

[ItisaReligionofPeace]

Right. Like I said, I've encountered my share of academics with their theories on how the world works. The key word in the preceding sentence being theories. I make it happen. This is valuable. What you offer is not.

[CSM]

"But re. the article, if they decide not to have children, I say get them off the Social Security rolls. 100% private savings for them. My children should not have to support these selfish people in their old age, when they could be supporting the Net-knight and me and 30 or 40 grandchildren!"

I could't agree more, those of us that have so selfishly not had children should be taken off the taxed rolls. We shouldn't get SS or have to pay into it. We should have reduced property taxes that goes for those selfless child bearers! We should also eliminate any child tax breaks. Us selfish people do nothing but subsize the lives of children!

[CSM]

"A society where selfishness is considered the moral equal of charity is not a society that will survive."

You are very mistaken. Selfishness is at the root of success! Of course, that selfishness can't be shown through theft, it must be reflected in productivity.