Posted on 05/20/2006 9:33:38 PM PDT by Huntress
Not long ago, I went to one of those Hollywood parties peopled with old-fashioned paleoliberals—you know, the kind which is still trying to figure out just how he remains in office. (The name "Bush" is apparently every bit as dreadful in these circles as "Voldemort," so they don't say it.)
I took my friend Luke Ford, a right-wing blogger known for his tactless remarks but who at least always wears a suit. Luke began talking to a "nice old lady," as he put it, who turned out to be film producer Marcia Nasatir; back in the ’70s, she was celebrated as the first female v.p. of a major studio. Luke remarked he didn't plan to see Brokeback Mountain because he had no interest in watching gay men having sex, and did that make him a homophobe? Yes, came the predictable answer.
Meanwhile, a white-haired film editor asked me "if there is anything he could possibly do that would make you stop supporting this administration."
I thought about saying something like: "Withdraw all troops from Iraq and Afghanistan tomorrow." Or: "Make a federal law banning capital punishment in all states." But I actually just tried, futilely, to change the subject. Here in Los Angeles, though, you’d really better have an explanation about why you aren’t one of them.
I’ve become bored hearing myself recount all the usual reasons—I dislike the anti-American Michael Moore element in the Democratic base, have less faith than my friends and neighbors in the government’s ability (or obligation) to solve all social problems, and so on. All that just invites a potentially endless argument.
So lately, I’ve tried getting straight to what finally pushed me over the edge. The reason I changed my voter registration in time for the 2000 election was I realized this would put an end to political canvassers knocking on my door. I hate strangers knocking on my door. And since Republicans never bother with my neighborhood—I’d estimate Silver Lake is more than 95-percent Democrat—that has nearly put an end to that.
It hasn’t been a perfect solution, and I sometimes still feel that familiar weepy sense of self-pity mixed with rage when naïve and / or determined souls march past the big "No Solicitors" sign on my garage, brushing aside the thorny climbing roses I keep untrimmed on the front porch for that very purpose, and (I still can never quite believe it!) knock on the door.
"Just because," I sometimes find myself thinking (or fuming), "I can't afford a butler / gated compound / armed sentry in a watchtower with searchlights and electric fence, is no reason they should take advantage of my lack of resources like that. It is unfair."
I became especially impatient with door-to-door strangers last summer, when my ex-husband and his second ex-wife revived the tedious Punch and Judy show / custody battle they've been staging around their son for the past nine years. There were rumblings that I, or (even worse) my daughter, might be subpoenaed so the court could see what kind of a father my ex is around his first family.
The very idea of such an intrusion seemed unreasonable to the point of insanity, and in any case I couldn’t imagine testifying about which of two self-indulgent neurotics was worse. It would be like trying to tell the difference between Patty and Selma on The Simpsons: Can’t be done! Luckily, no process server ever did show up.
By far the most intrepid political canvasser was the bearded, ponytailed guy who pounded insistently on my door one rainy evening around 9:15 p.m. as I was lying in bed watching TV. This was before I’d let the Democrats know I was officially a hopeless case.
"My name is Austin, from Progressive Network," he said plaintively. "And it's really hard for me to hear when you talk through the window like that."
You'll have to imagine a particular petulant whiny tone here, the kind impatient customers use with salesclerks when they're about to complain to the manager about bad service.
I pointed out that I had a "No Solicitors" sign up, which he'd ignored. He insisted he wasn't a solicitor, but Austin, from Progressive Network, and he'd like to talk to me about some very important progressive causes...
"Go away right now or I'll call the police!" I yelled.
"I wish you would call the police," said Austin, after a short pause. "Because then at least I'd have a nice warm policeman to talk to, instead of a cold bitch like you."
He did eventually turn around and leave, but at that point I was so enraged it was all I could do not to open the door at last, if only to chase Austin from Progressive Network down the street and stomp him and his gray ponytail into a shapeless, bloody heap.
So that’s another reason, I explain now when I tell this story, why I became a Republican. It’s my small contribution to public safety.
— Catherine Seipp is a writer in California who publishes the weblog Cathy's World. She is an NRO contributor.
Wasn't Howie Dean just braggin on tv about how many ppl they have going door to door?
And Brokeback Mountain references are so 2005.
Tell me how you really feel.
I've found that a polite "no thank you", followed by chambering a round into my shotgun clears up any hearing problem a "solicitor" might have. But then, I don't live in Hollywood, where they seem to be especially deaf and/or dense.
The article appears to be a regurgitation of the same drivel the idjit Seipp posted in December 2005.
http://cathyseipp.journalspace.com/?entryid=690
Now that's LAME, but then-consider the source.
If I were to wager, the Huntress is Catherine and you are crapping in her stew.
However, I am not a gambling man.
APf
May 2006: Not long ago, I went to one of those Hollywood parties peopled with old-fashioned paleoliberals—you know, the kind which is still trying to figure out just how he remains in office.
I took my friend Luke Ford, a right-wing blogger known for his tactless remarks but who at least always wears a suit. Luke began talking to a "nice old lady," as he put it
-------------
I wonder how many more times Seipp is going to get by with citing this silly story (which is transparent in itself).
"Luke remarked he didn't plan to see Brokeback Mountain because he had no interest in watching gay men having sex, and did that make him a homophobe? Yes, came the predictable answer."
I like that.
I'm not Catherine.
Billy Bob Thorton has mounted on his porch, next to his front door, a mounted gun with "We don't dial 911" written directly above it. I love that!
I bet.
One of my neighbors showed up at my door in 2004 with a moveon.org button on his lapel. He's a graying early baby boomer/ ex-hippy type. I unloaded on the guy. Told him to get the "ef" off my property etc.
I see him at block parties and graduation parties and it turns out he knew nothing about Soros and moveon. He is just another progressive useful idiot.
By the way, I find the best thing to say when the Sierra Club door knockers come by is " Sorry, I'd love to chat, but I dont want my baby seal fillet to burn".
Around here I get a lot of cute college girls coming up to me to talk their "Do you want to stop the criminal Bush administration?" crap. I used to just say "No" but now I can't help myself, maybe it's my advanced age (40), I smile back and say "Oh, you're not falling for that Groupthink" or "Do you know how much Haliburton stock Michael Moore owns?" or I just insult "Che!" I just can't help myself.
bttt
"I wish you would call the police," said Austin, after a short pause. "Because then at least I'd have a nice warm policeman to talk to, instead of a cold bitch like you."
Can't you feel the love?
Great new tag!
The "progressive" door knockers (they're really regressive, but that's a whole 'nother thread) don't come around as much since I've started using derision and laughter in response to their lame points. Asking them "Does that routine REALLY work on people? How amusing!" really seems to get their goat. A few more comments about how ignorant people must be to fall for that kind of drivel, and my name seems to go on a "don't knock" list. I'm pretty polite, on the other hand, giving the brush off to Jehovah's Witnesses.
WE ARE REPUBLICANS BECAUSE…
We believe that our government’s most solemn duty is to keep its citizens safe.
We believe a vibrant entrepreneurial spirit will keep our economy strong and provide more opportunities for workers and families.
We believe that free enterprise and the encouragement of individual initiative and incentive have given this nation an economic system second to none.
We believe in building an innovative economy to compete in the world, because America can compete with anyone, anywhere, thanks to our entrepreneurs and risk-takers who keep us on the cutting edge of technology and commerce.
We believe in strengthening our communities, because our children deserve to grow up in an America in which all their hopes and dreams can come true.
We believe in protecting our families, and respect the family’s role as a touchstone of stability and strength in an ever changing world.
We choose strength over uncertainty, results over rhetoric, optimism over pessimism, opportunity over dependence, freedom over fear, and moving forward over turning back!
Great post. I wish we could get that reply to "Austin from the progressive network".
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