Posted on 03/12/2007 11:23:15 AM PDT by aculeus
Alien visitors to planet Earth are boycotting genetically modified (GM) crops, claims a leading scientist.
Buck Uranus, chief astronomer for the William H Carpenter Foundation in Nevada, believes the extraterrestrials are refusing to create crop circles in GM maize, wheat and other cereals because of fears of possible side-effects.
The scientist has conducted a major survey of crop circles created over the past five years and says he has not found a single example left in fields containing GM crops.
"In my spare time, I channel messages from alien beings," said Uranus, "and from what I've been hearing, these guys have got some serious reservations about what we're doing down here. One of them told me he's even thinking of using another planet for his artwork."
According to Uranus, one shape-shifting lizard said: "The long-term effects of these 'frankenstein crops' are just so uncertain. Let's face it, it's not natural. And after the rigours of crossing many light years of space in order to leave some pretty patterns in your fields, we'd rather not take that extra risk."
The visitors from outer space also have fears about contamination of plants on their own worlds, says Uranus. He claims that one Gray told him: "Just imagine — we accidentally pick up a few seeds on our undercarriage and take them home without knowing. They could spread like wildfire then and we'd end up paying Monsanto an annual fee just to grow flooble beans on our own planet. Madness."
Monsanto has not commented on these allegations.
This guy's talking out of his ass.
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| Nobody expects the Weekly World Inquisitor! |
Maybe it would be OK if they made other shapes. Maybe on genetically engineered crops, they could make double helixes or something.
"In my spare time, I channel messages from alien beings," said Uranus,
This guy's talking out of his ass.
>>>
You can't make this stuff up...
...oh never mind they did.
What? Are the Anna Nicole Smith threads losing steam?
Cool! Ann will have to
update her book on fighing
the vicious b@st@rds . . .
Is this article a joke?
Buck, You're an Anus, allright.
You have to understand these guys are still smarting over our taking away Pluto's planet status. Talk about insensitive...
The first of many clues this is satire... but so accurately portraying many of the junk scientists on Algore's team, easy to believe one would publish such a theory.
Semper Fi
US plans to invade space
The empty vastness of the universe must be made safe for democracy, says US President
by Buck Trousers, Invasion Editor
The US Government is planning to invade space as part of its 'War on Terror'™.
The invasion plans were discovered among the effects left in a motel room by NASA astronaut Sean O'Flighty, who is currently being sought by Florida police authorities and the FBI on charges of aggravated buggery, peddling child pornography and blasphemy.
The plans were subsequently leaked by a blogger, known only as 'Nightstick', who is believed to be a law enforcement officer.
"The plans call for the building of a squadron of armed Shuttles," claimed Nightstick. "Apparently, Bush fears there might be aliens out there harboring weapons of mass destruction.
"It looks like they learned something from Iraq, though," he added. "There's a whole chapter on the possible international repercussions of the invasion and what to do about it. Basically, we're just going to claim that space belongs to America anyway and we don't need permission — let alone a UN resolution — to invade it."
This was later confirmed by a White House spokesman who said: "It's ours. We got there first. So there."
US President George W Bush later gave a statement to the press in which he said: "There's a lot of space out there, and it's important it's all made free for democracy. That's why we have to ensure no-one else gets it."
He added: "If we ever do meet any alien lifeforms, I feel certain, deep in my heart, that they will want nothing more than to be American."
The crop circles aren't appearing because that's where Hillary Crack Corn peed on the crops. The aliens know bacteria when they see it.
So, does this guy make his reports directly from the mothership?
Alternate possibility . . .
he doesn't know his ___ from a hole in the ground.
You must've found this on Fark. Good find, BTW!
ROFL
Oh, yuck.
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