The author hits the nail right on the head here. He finally came to the point where he realized that he only wanted to want to be free from his same-sex attraction - but not really.
That final surrender is where Jesus wants us to get to - to realize that no amount of will-power will ever free you from any of the hurts, habits and hang-ups that torment so many followers of Christ. It’s only when we truly submit our selves to God that His Spirit who lives within us can begin to change us.
This is true for anything that gets in the way of getting closer to God. I speak from experience - years of painful experience spent thinking I could ‘do it’ by just sinning less, praying more, being a better person.
It didn’t work for me then; it doesn’t work for me now; it will never work for you, either.
He wanted Salvation but on his terms. That’s not how it works. You come just as you are. God is not your employee.
That is true of any sin people are caught in.
I knew a woman who was an alcoholic and wanted free from the mess she made of her life, but didn't want to give anything up.
She claimed to have accepted Jesus but would NOT read Scripture or attend church, or get the help she needed.
All she wanted was a comfortable life with someone providing for her.
She died a few months after I lost contact with her and I hope for her sake that her commitment to Christ was genuine.
“It’s only when we truly submit our selves to God “
What does that mean exactly?
Temptations will still exist.