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Most of my readers have never been pope, and probably only one or two ever will be, so you don't realise how difficult the job of a pope is. You probably think that it just involves sitting around in Rome eating pasta, going to Mass, and occasionally saying something about Catholic doctrine. And the latter ought to be easy enough, as just about every issue under the sun has been discussed by previous popes, so you don't have to say anything original, although you can of course rephrase things in your own words. On no account try to change any...

Following the Home Office's decision to ban the entry of three persecuted archbishops from Iraq and Syria (Sharaf of Mosul, Shamani of Nineveh Valley, and Alnemech of Homs and Hama), who were invited to participate in the consecration of a Syrian Orthodox cathedral, it has now been revealed that a similar discourtesy was extended to Pope Francis. This is apparently the true explanation of why the Holy Father will be visiting Ireland, the land of "Enda Life" Kenny, in 2018, but not the bigger island next door. Said a spokesman for Amber Rudd, the Home Secretary. "We received a visa...

[St Raymond of Penyafort] Not one of my favourite saints: for some reason canonists called Raymond tend to upset me. Anyway, at dawn my servant Spadaro (whose duties include a little light cleaning, cooking, and insult-writing, and who feeds the papal sockpuppets) rushed into my humble chambers brandishing a letter from Raymond, Cardinal Burke. Dear Sir or Madam, Following your lack of response to our five dubia, we have the honour of informing you that Amoris Laetitia is an heretical document, and you are therefore officially in schism with the Catholic Church. Your title henceforth is Antipope Francis, and your...

Scene: the Vatican. Pope Francis is addressing a few selected younger cardinals. All the usual suspects are there: Schönbörn, Cupich, Farrell, Tagle, Marx, etc., but, surprisingly not Sarah, Burke or Pell. Francis speaks. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Welcome to the training course for new popes. Of course I fully expect to carry on for another 15 years, until I have totally rewritten the Ten Commandments and the Sermon on the Mount; however, accidents will happen, and I may have to retire to Avignon instead. Alternatively, Burke says that if he can find four doctors, he will have me sectioned. So it seems best...

Following a violent disagreement in the Vatican about what exactly 2+2 adds up to, Pope Francis has decided to call an Extraordinary Synod to help define (or more probably, "develop") Catholic doctrine on the subject. #Father #Spadaro makes #a #hash of his #arithmetic. Now, about that expenses claim, Father... Of course, this is not a new question. The famous "Kasper proposal" was that 1+1+1 should equal 2, at least in the context of marriage, provided the numbers had been properly accompanied and allowed to discern that their consciences were really telling them to do whatever they pleased. Four (or was...

CARTHAGE, MO—The popular line of cutesy Precious Moments figurines is getting a long-awaited addition with an upcoming “Conquest of Canaan” series of collectibles, sources confirmed Friday. The figures will include iconic events from the momentous time in Israel’s history, including the circumcision of all Jewish males encamped at Gilgal, the slaughter of the wicked inhabitants of Jericho, and the stoning of the deceitful pillager Achan. “We wanted to depict some of the bloody, violent bits of the Bible in an adorable way,” a Precious Moments representative said as she showed off a collectible set of the five corpses of the...

From the Comments on his article "Pope Francis’ Christmas Address to the Roman Curia." You’re a mean one, Mr. Pope. It’s shocking but it’s true. You mock the young and faithful. You make your Cardinals blue. Mr. Pope. You’re worse than a really bad case of Spanish Flu. You’re a mean one, Mr. Pope. You fired your own chief guard. You did it right before Christmas. Now there’s a heart that’s hard. Mr. Pope. At this point, I’m won’t be sending you a Christmas card. You’re a mean one, Mr. Pope. The faithful don’t trust your smile. You love atheists...

A vanity thread of Christmas (yes, 'CHRISTMAS' rather than 'holiday') jokes and humour. I ask Mr. Robinson's indulgence for this 'vanity' posting, adding some humour to a stressful time. Please add your humorous comments. (And BTW 'humour' is spelled properly, using the Queen's English. 😁. I am a Canadian and a Monarchist, after all and, the intelligence of our Monarch easily exceeds that of our Prime Minister Haji Justin Turd-owe .)

VATICAN CITY -- Pope Francis, who turns 80 on Saturday, responded to thousands of people singing "Happy Birthday" on Wednesday by joking that doing it early may bring a jinx on him."Thank you very much for your greetings for my upcoming birthday," the Argentine pope said at his general audience, the last public appearance before the birthday. "But I'll tell you something that will make you laugh. In my country, expressing greetings ahead of time brings bad luck and those who do it are jinxers," he said...

Please watch this video, before you continue reading. I apologize. I realize you can never get back the 53 seconds you just lost. But I’m certain filling your mind with the Word of God, a good YouTube sermon, or Christ-centered worship music will go far to erase the grotesque visual from your mind. And what was it, exactly? What was it that you just saw. What you just saw was the warm-up entertainment (called “evening gymnastics”) before the evening session of a “church” conference. The “church”: Imi Kirken–the most influential church in the Stavanger area of Norway, if not in...

I think the juggler (with a red pepper in mid-air) charmed me the most (Sr. Faustina, is that you?) The Carmelite Sisters of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, in Los Angeles have taken the “Mannequin Challenge” during Thanksgiving prep, and it’s as delightful and fun as they are. Enjoy!

Continuing his series of Wednesday catechetical addresses on mercy, Pope Francis devoted November 23 general audience to two spiritual works of mercy: instructing the ignorant and counseling the doubtful. “These two works are related and both can be practiced daily in our families and communities,” the Pope said to those gathered in Paul VI Audience Hall, according to the official English-language synthesis of his remarks. “The Church’s mission of evangelization has always been accompanied by teaching and the founding of schools, since education promotes the dignity of the person and provides for the full development of his or her God-given...

Irondale, Ala., Nov 20, 2016 / 04:03 pm (CNA/EWTN News).- If you picture a nun's first profession of vows, you probably picture a serene, peaceful affair with the sisters singing harmoniously and everything running joyfully and smoothly.But the day of Mother Angelica's first vows was anything but.Outside, a blizzard spit snow and ice, snarling roads and delaying the guests and the presiding Bishop James McFadden.Inside, different storms were brewing. As then-Sister Angelica knelt behind the grille, trying to pray before taking her vows, the organist sister and the choir director, Sr. Mary of the Cross (with whom Sr. Angelica...

Telling the press today that instructions of Pope Francis’ IKEA gift to them had numerous inconsistencies, four cardinals wrote a letter to him asking that he “resolve the uncertainties and bring clarity to the instruction manual for the armchair.” “We the undersigned, but also many bishops and priests, ask that you provide the correct interpretation to page three of the IKEA instructions for your AMÖRIS Armchair gift,” the cardinals wrote. They went on to add that “both theologians and scholars have proposed interpretations” of how to put the armchair together, especially its third and fourth pages, “which contradict one another.”...

Imagine for a moment the unlikely scenario of Pope Francis and Lt. Columbo standing in the Vatican's parking lot and sharing in the kind of wheel-kicking car-talk that goes on between men the world over.

Lord Jesus, protect the vote tallies tonight as people go to bed. We ask You to root out all chicanery, deception and evil in this election process; let the vote be accurate and true; any one trying to fake these tallies we ask that You would expose them and send confusion into their ranks... in the name of Jesus, we ask.

No (Meghan Trainor Parody by the Bear) (Music posted on source link.) Pope Francis: I think it's so cute / and I think it's so sweet How you let your blogs encourage you / to understand me, But let me stop you there / before you can even Tweet... "Nah" to the "Ah" to the "No", "No", "No" Your Dogma is "No" Your Tradition is "No" Your Church is "No" You need to let it go You need to let it go Need to let it go "Nah" to the "Ah" to the "No", "No", "No" Your matrimony is "No"...

It’s weird to think about, but a lot of the things we take for granted are almost shockingly recent inventions. The can opener didn’t exist until 1870—nearly a full century after canned food was first produced (people ate so much canned food that year, you guys). Doors have been around forever, but doorknobs weren’t invented until 1878 (and people were finally able to leave their houses). And grape juice?

It's great that C-3PO knows over six million languages. It's less great when he buzzkills your Pentecostal revival by saying all the languages you're speaking are fake. And yes, sorry, 1 Corinthians 13, not 14. My apologies. Or, as they say in Pentecostalism, twa bravintisha.

The latest from the Lutheran Satire guy.