NEW LA Drivers Exam

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[let freedom sing]

NEW LA Drivers Exam

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California Driver's Exam, and for those of you who do, study real hard. This is a new exam. Since driving conditions (and culture) are unique in Los Angeles, you may not have realized that the California Department of Motor Vehicles has now issued a special application and driver's test solely for the Los Angeles Metropolitan Area.

GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION:

Name:___________________ Stage name________________ Agent:___________________ Attorney:_____________________ Therapist name:_________________ Sex: ___male ___female ___formerly male ___formerly female ____both *If female, indicate breast implant size: _______ Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in any way? Yes___ No ___

Please list brand of cell phone: ________. *If you don't own a cell phone, please explain:____________________

Please check hair color: Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde Teenagers: [ ] Red [ ] Orange [ ] Green [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead

Please check activities you perform while driving: (Check all that apply) [ ] Eating [ ] Drinking Starbucks coffee [ ] Applying make-up [ ] Shaving (male or female) [ ] Talking on the phone [ ] Slapping kids in the back-seat [ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs [ ] Tanning [X] Snorting cocaine (already checked for your convenience) [ ] Watching TV [ ] Reading Variety [ ] Surfing the net via laptop [ ] Discharging firearms / Reloading

Please indicate how many times a) you expect to shoot at other drivers _____ b) how many times you expect to be shot at while driving _____

If you are the victim of a carjacking, you should immediately: a) Call the police to report the crime. b) Call Channel 9 News to report the crime, then watch your car on the news in a high-speed chase. c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone company for 911 call not going through. d) Call your therapist.

In the event of an earthquake, you should : a) stop your car b) keep driving and hope for the best. c) immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones. d) pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 9.

In the instance of rain, you should: a) never drive over 5 MPH. b) drive twice as fast as usual. c) you're not sure what "rain" is.

Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week: ______.

Are you presently taking any of the following medications? a) Prozac b) Zovirax c) Lithium d) Zanax e) Valium f) Zoloft g) All of the above h) None of the above *If none, please explain: __________________.

Length of daily commute: a) Less than 1 hour b) 1 hour c) 2 hours d) 3 hours e) 4 hours or more * If less than 1 hour, please explain:____________________.

When stopped by police, you should: a) pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready. b) try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405 Freeway. c) have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit.

When turning, you should always signal your intentions by: a) using your directional signals. b) what is a "directional signal"?

Which part of your car will wear out most often? a) the wiper blades b) the belts c) the horn

The "bright" setting on your headlights is for: a) dark, poorly lit roads b) flashing to get the car ahead to move out of the way c) revenge!

Your rear view mirror is for: a) watching for approaching cars b) watching for approaching police cars c) checking your hair

[tom paine 2]

BTTT

[PeaceBeWithYou]

The turn signal is used:
a)to give the inspection station another item on the inspection checklist.
b)to signal the car in the lane next to you to speed up.
c)After you have changed lanes to taunt other drivers.

[AppyPappy]

When pulled over by the LAPD, please have your drivers license, registration, bribe and gang sign ready for the officer.

[petuniasevan]

I took my driver's ed course and got my learner's permit in LA county in 1979.

It's nice to know things haven't really changed...

[Bella_Bru]

When stopped by police, you should: a) pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready. b) try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405 Freeway. c) have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit.

KCAL-9, always has the best high speed chases.

[CdMGuy]

Since you don't live in California, you have no business making snide comments that our police accept bribes. Maybe that is a problem where you live, but in 99 out of 100 times in California, if you attempt to bribe an officer to get out of a traffic ticket, you will wind up in jail. Plus, there are very few warnings given out here. If you are stopped for an offense, you will nearly always be given a ticket.

[AppyPappy]

In LA, there are three major gangs: The Bloods, The Crips and the LAPD.

[Pagey]

I'm glad it was a Californian that posted this.I Don't know what my reaction would've been if otherwise.Still LOL.Bribing a cop???Not one chance in hell.Know that.

[daviddennis]

I moved at the same time my company moved, so I live in the same community as I work. As a result, I can get to work in five minutes flat.

Am I breaking a law or something? :-)

D

[let freedom sing]

What was that-- professional courtesy?

[let freedom sing]

What was that-- professional courtesy?

[let freedom sing]

What was that-- professional courtesy?

[CdMGuy]

Not surprising for one cop to let another cop go. The comment that the police give warnings in 50% of the cases is pure BS in California. The Highway Patrol gives tickets in the overwhelming majority of stops. In the city where I live, traffic enforcement is fairly intense, and when you get stopped, you get a ticket. Those cops I pass with a stopped driver are not writing love notes in that book of theirs.

[CdMGuy]

You must have great eyesight to be able to see all the way from VA to CA. Did you ever live here? If not, they you know nothing about police practices in this state, as well as gang activity.

Maybe you should go over to the Indiana daylight savings time board and post your opinions there as well? I am sure they would love to hear what a Virginian has to think about standardizing DST in Indiana.

[CdMGuy]

Have you tried bribing a cop to not write you a ticket in Pasadena or elsewhere in CA?

[motzman]

It's a humor post, ease up on AppyPappy will ya?

[altair]

I can get to work in five minutes flat. Am I breaking a law or something? :-)

In Southern California? Yes. You're not contributing your fair share of the gasoline tax everyone else is paying.

[altair]

Plus, there are very few warnings given out here. If you are stopped for an offense, you will nearly always be given a ticket.

Rare indeed. The only time it ever happened to me was late at night and the officer had no back up. I was pulled over for having one headlight dead (big mistake in California). He told me to get it fixed right away instead of writing up a fix-it ticket.