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50 Things a Man Should Be Able To Do
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Posted on 07/28/2010 5:41:48 PM PDT by Kimmers

50 Things a Man Should Be Able To Do Friday, July 23, 2010, 8:00 AM Joe Carter

[Note: Every Friday on First Thoughts we host a discussion about some aspect of pop culture. Today’s theme is "Renaissance Man" lists. Have a suggestion for a topic? Send them to me at jcarter@firstthings.com.]

Every man does not need to know how to tie a bow tie. Let’s get that clear up front. I don’t know why it is on every “Things a Man Should Know How to Do” list but it’s simply not true. If you have a reason to wear a bow tie (e.g., you’re going to prom, your name is George Will) then you can ask someone or you can look it up. That’s what Google and preppie college Republican exist.

But there are some things that every man should be able to do. Here are fifty. Not necessarily the fifty most important (though some are), just fifty things a man should be able to do if he wants to live a good life.

1. Forgive your parents – They did the best they could . . . or they didn’t. Either way, you’re a man now so it’s time to move on.

2. Ask your parents to forgive you—You know what you did. They do too.

3. Change a diaper so that the baby is cleaner and you are no dirtier than when you started.

4. Perform CPR and the Heimlich maneuver.

5. Use a soldering iron to fix a loose connection.

6. Comfort a child—If you want to judge the character of a man, observe how he treats a child. He may not have any himself—he may not even like kids—but if he can provide them comfort when they are scared or hurting then he can’t be all bad.

7. Cook one signature dish.

8. Calculate square footage—Width x length.

9. Innocently flirt with a woman at least twice your age—Without causing offense or being disrespectful, of course.

10. Write three coherent, connected, and grammatically correct paragraphs—If it’s really necessary, you should be able to repeat the process well enough to add three more. Unless you have a job that requires extensive writing, that’s probably all you’ll ever need to get by.

11. Navigate your way around an unfamiliar city without getting completely and utterly lost.

12. Differentiate between various types of mortgages and insurances and know which one is best for your situation.

13. Get a prostate exam without crying.

14. Know what a prostate is.

15. Make and follow a budget so that you can get out of—and stay out of—debt.

16. Tell a spellbinding (though not necessarily true) story.

17. Survive in water for at least a few minutes without drowning– 71 percent of the earth’s surface is covered by water. You’re bound to fall into it sometime.

18. Know the four lifesaving steps—stop the bleeding, start the breathing, protect the wound, treat for shock.

19. Give a great compliment—Tip: Be specific, be sincere.

20. Tell a joke that is (a) clean, and (b) funny.

21. Make a brief, informative speech in public without having an anxiety attack and/or using PowerPoint.

22. Type with more than two fingers.

23. Know how to use the mass transit system in any city within 100 miles of his home.

24. Use reference materials to find out any information that you’ll ever need to know.

25. Recite the Ten Commandments from memory—If you remember them, it’s easier to follow them; if you follow them you’ll avoid about 90 percent of the self-inflicted damage that will screw up your life.

26. Carry on a conversation with someone who bores you to tears.

27. Recognize when you are boring someone to tears with your inane banter.

28. Make a plan for the first 24 hours after a zombie apocalypse—Sounds silly but you’d be surprised how much you can learn about yourself by thinking through unlikely scenarios.

29. Perfectly cook scrambled eggs.

30. Push-start a car with a manual transmission—By the way, as I learned in the summer of 1988, you can’t push start a car with an automatic transmission. (I still don’t know why I was stomping on the brake as if it were a clutch.)

31. Tell the difference between snark and wit.

32. Properly maintain your basic form of transportation, whether it be a car, bike, horse, feet, etc.

33. Grow food—even if you never owned a vegetable garden, you need to understand the basic theory of how to grow food. When the zombie apocalypse happens, you’re going to be hungry.

34. Make it through the rest of your life without saying the thirty-seventh dumbest sentence in the English language: “I have to learn for myself.”

35. Endure an insult with grace.

36. Wash a load of white clothes without turning everything pink.

37. Load, shoot, and clean a firearm.

38. Admit being wrong in a situation that will cost you dearly.

39. Physically protect your loved ones and be willing to risk life and limb if necessary to keep them safe.

40. Lead your family in prayer.

41. Cogently explain and defend your most fundamental beliefs, preferably without raising your voice.

42. Hug another man.

43. Take harsh criticism without being defensive.

44. Differentiate between love and lust—and avoid the latter.

45. Recognize wisdom and know how to get it.

46. Help someone who is vomiting (without throwing up yourself).

47. Write a letter of recommendation.

48. Write a love letter.

49. Avoid the Three A’s That Ruin Your Life: Anger, Adultery, Apathy.

50. Be able to list at least 50 more things a man should be able to do.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat
KEYWORDS: manlist; men; weakersex
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To: 50cal Smokepole

OMG! I haven’t considered the wisdom of Lazarus Long for decades!

I absolutely LOVE the collective memory and wit displayed by FReepers.

My addition to the list: A man should know how to (first) relax a woman - melting away the ordinary tensions of the day. Then (second) he should be able to fill the woman with tension of a different sort, without resorting to actions unacceptable outside the public purview.

(Relieving the second tension wave should be accomplished in private, of course...)


51 posted on 07/28/2010 7:16:52 PM PDT by MortMan (Obama's response to the Gulf oil spill: a four-putt.)
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To: shibumi

Oooh! I guess I should make it clear that I’m over 36 years old, huh? LOL


52 posted on 07/28/2010 7:17:09 PM PDT by 50mm (Valhalla I am coming)
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To: Kimmers

Real men don’t follow lists.


53 posted on 07/28/2010 7:18:43 PM PDT by Talisker (When you find a turtle on top of a fence post, you can be damn sure it didn't get there on it's own.)
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To: Talisker

Real men know that a list is what the slow guy reads while the guy who knows what’s happening gets on with life...


54 posted on 07/28/2010 7:19:40 PM PDT by MortMan (Obama's response to the Gulf oil spill: a four-putt.)
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To: Kimmers

I have no reason to forgive my parents. They is what they is, and made me what I am....

I am comfortable with that and them.


55 posted on 07/28/2010 7:22:52 PM PDT by Vendome (Don't take life so seriously... You'll never live through it.)
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To: Kimmers

Face the possibility of a situation where you have to kill another person, or they will kill you, and that no other alternative exists.

To keep your equanimity in the face of abundance, taking only what you need.

To safely capture a dangerous wild animal without harm to either it or yourself.

Risk your safety to protect someone else.

To honor someone who truly deserves being honored.

To foul up so gloriously that it will never be forgotten.

(Example, February 4th is the celebrated “Day of the Fart of Abu Hasan”.)

http://www.pitt.edu/~dash/fart.html#historicfart

To step on one footprint’s worth of land that likely no person has ever set foot on before.


56 posted on 07/28/2010 7:23:01 PM PDT by yefragetuwrabrumuy
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To: Kimmers

Re; #1 Forgive your parents...

I never forgave them. Instead, I wrote my dad a letter before he died telling him all the things I learned from him. I didn’t consider I had a right to judge, but I did have the right to realize the legacy he gave me, from his wit to his wisdom, to his general knowledge of how to make the universe work in an acceptable fashion.

It was very therapeutic for me - to reflect on how much he had taught me.

And, according to my mother, it was a treasured keepsake for him.

And if anyone is wondering - YES, I am crying as I type this. I miss you, Dad.


57 posted on 07/28/2010 7:25:12 PM PDT by MortMan (Obama's response to the Gulf oil spill: a four-putt.)
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To: Kimmers

A real man stands among equals, carries those who are weaker, and kneels before God.

Everything else is just details.


58 posted on 07/28/2010 7:27:38 PM PDT by Pan_Yan
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To: 50cal Smokepole

If you research it a bit, you’ll find a disturbing number of people who think the Lazarus Long list is nigh unto impossible, and that a person is accomplished if they can do maybe three of them, and that being able to do one is a good goal.

I’ll admit the “comfort the dying” one eludes me, and “plan an invasion” is a challenge. Most of the rest lack only an opportunity to try.


59 posted on 07/28/2010 7:30:43 PM PDT by ctdonath2 (+)
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To: Kimmers

A man needs to know how to thrive if civilization continues on defying all rational thought.

A man needs to know how to survive if civilization continues on, but without an economy.

A man needs to know how to survive if there is no civilization tomorrow. All it takes is one large sunspot to erupt 1 AU away, and in 41 hours there won’t be much left here on Earth.

With the above understood, you need to know basic economics and investments. Bonds and CDs, Puts and Calls, interest owed, dividend income due.

You need to know how to both read and *write* a legal contract.

Basic math. Basic reading.

You need to have basic goods stored at home.

You need a bugout bag.

You need to be prepared for lawlessness at various levels, from politicians and reporters abusing civilized society, to carrying a dummy wallet to flip to a mugger so that you have the option of reaching for your CCW after he begins to turn his back to you, down to armoring your vehicles with surplus body armor and 3M security film on the windows in case of widespread anarchy.

Know how to sail. Know how to fly. Know how to drift a car and how to not high-center a 4x4 truck.

Know how to sharpen a knife and clean a firearm.

Know how to shop. Priceshop on-line to verify that any price someone gives you is in the ballpark.

Know how to pay your bills. Know how to hustle if you have to have income off the grid.

Know how to travel internationally and how to recognize those who are intent on fleecing you.

Know how to fight and how to avoid fights.

Know loyalty to your friends and family.

Know how to train a dog and ride a horse.

Know how to maintain your car and your house.

Know how to use good manners and how to defuse a bully.

Know how to enjoy an evening out with your wife without embarrasing her over a mistake by a $3/hr+tips waiter or cook.

Know how to slow-dance, build a fire, and cook a fish.

Know how to throw a football, catch a baseball, and shoot a basketball.

Know how to sew, burp a baby, and educate your children.

Know how to do the math; is a business deal really a “deal” or not?

Know how to listen to your boss and to your employees.

Pray.


60 posted on 07/28/2010 7:31:19 PM PDT by Southack (Media Bias means that Castro won't be punished for Cuban war crimes against Black Angolans in Africa)
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To: Pan_Yan

That was good.

A bit serious for this thread, but really good.


61 posted on 07/28/2010 7:31:36 PM PDT by shibumi (Pablo, wily, clever and detractive as all get out!)
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To: Vendome

Your parents gave you the chance to be whatever you are, because they gave you the chance to be.


62 posted on 07/28/2010 7:37:06 PM PDT by MortMan (Obama's response to the Gulf oil spill: a four-putt.)
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To: ctdonath2

I suck at that whole “write a sonnet” thing. But I’m still looking down at the grass, rather than up, so maybe I can learn. :-)


63 posted on 07/28/2010 7:52:12 PM PDT by 50cal Smokepole (Effective gun control involves effective recoil management)
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To: MortMan

If only they knew what I would become? LOL


64 posted on 07/28/2010 7:54:03 PM PDT by Vendome (Don't take life so seriously... You'll never live through it.)
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To: CodeToad

I thought the same thing. Use mass transit? Hug another man? Type with more than two fingers?

C’mon!

When a guy can maintain his own car, truck, cycle, boat AND snowmobile, he doesn’t need mass transit.

A hand shake is good enough.

If the guy has to type with more than two fingers, the chick better know to fix the washer and dryer.


65 posted on 07/28/2010 8:17:53 PM PDT by Ladysmith ("A community organizer can't bitch when communities organize." Rush Limbaugh)
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To: TheOldLady

Yep.


66 posted on 07/28/2010 8:22:27 PM PDT by Salamander (And I think I need some rest but sleeping don't come very easy in a straight white vest.)
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To: Kimmers

I fail 17, 23 & 30.


67 posted on 07/28/2010 8:23:45 PM PDT by Sloth (Civil disobedience? I'm afraid only the uncivil kind is going to cut it this time.)
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To: Kimmers

11. Navigate your way around an unfamiliar city without getting completely and utterly lost.

But this is how you find the best dinning establishments. The real skill it finding it again the next time.


68 posted on 07/28/2010 8:36:56 PM PDT by ThomasThomas (Isn't enough always enough?)
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To: MortMan
Lazarus (RAH) was speaking in non-gender terms. lol

Another of my favorites:

Get a shot off fast. This upsets him long enough to let you make your second shot perfect.
— Lazarus Long

69 posted on 07/28/2010 8:40:14 PM PDT by 50cal Smokepole (Effective gun control involves effective recoil management)
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To: Kimmers
Innocently flirt with a woman at least twice your age—Without causing offense or being disrespectful, of course.

There aren't any extant.

70 posted on 07/28/2010 8:41:48 PM PDT by xone
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To: RandallFlagg
I am alway prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse!

Rule Number 2: Double Tap!

71 posted on 07/28/2010 8:42:34 PM PDT by Mad Dawgg (If you're going to deny my 1st Amendment rights then I must proceed to the next one...)
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To: MrPiper

You got to 42?


72 posted on 07/28/2010 8:43:17 PM PDT by cornelis
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To: xone
Innocently flirt with a woman at least twice your age—Without causing offense or being disrespectful, of course.

Or hanging out in a cemetery.
73 posted on 07/28/2010 8:43:32 PM PDT by aruanan
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To: aruanan

I think you need some response for it to be actual flirting. Used to have underage beers in a cemtery, no one complained and the cops wouldn’t get out of their cars to look.


74 posted on 07/28/2010 8:48:05 PM PDT by xone
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To: MrPiper
42. Hug another man.

NOT!!!!!!! unless he's choking...this list was written by a women!

Not even your dad or elderly uncle? Sure ya would! :)

75 posted on 07/28/2010 8:59:37 PM PDT by CAluvdubya (WASS!)
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To: Kimmers

I’m a woman but i have a husband and two teenage sons but here’s the way my list would go:
1. Be able to protect and defend the women in your life.
2. Change the oil in a car
3. change a flate tire.
4. know how to fix things...pretty much anything:)
5. don’t get caught crying by your women....unless someone died!
6.Be kind to children, animals and the elderly.
7. Back up your woman.
8. Family first.
9. know how to hunt, clean and cook game.
10. Work hard and get dirty doing it...

anyone care to add more?


76 posted on 07/28/2010 9:03:26 PM PDT by annelizly
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To: Kimmers
The only two things a man needs to be able to do is love his wife and kill the enemy.

Everything else is optional.

77 posted on 07/28/2010 9:16:38 PM PDT by fortheDeclaration (When the wicked beareth rule, the people mourn (Pr.29:2))
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To: annelizly
Got any sisters that are single Cute Smileys
78 posted on 07/28/2010 9:18:39 PM PDT by csense
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To: annelizly

Good for you. I have a son and a daughter who are being taught the same things. I don’t differentiate. My daughter is being taught guy stuff so that if she ends up with a pansy, she won’t be be left in a jam.
All those things listed but mostly to be self reliant.
My mother killed herself and my father died shortly after and I ended up being the old guy in the family at the ripe old age of 28. It’s kinda personal. Never hurts to be prepared.


79 posted on 07/28/2010 9:26:05 PM PDT by Texas resident (Outlaw fisherman)
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To: PA Engineer

My mom had a ‘60 Falcon that could be push started.


80 posted on 07/28/2010 9:52:51 PM PDT by gracie1 (visualize whirled peas)
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To: gracie1
My mom had a ‘60 Falcon that could be push started.

That was my first car. I always considered it to be the American version of the Volkswagen. I really miss it to this day (if you didn't mind replacing the generator bushings every 900 miles).
81 posted on 07/28/2010 10:46:32 PM PDT by PA Engineer (Liberate America from the occupation media. There are Wars and Rumors of War.)
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To: Kimmers
4. Perform CPR and the Heimlich maneuver.

CPR is best performed at the beach. People who are stretched out on the sand and are very still tend to jump right up after the first few tries. Amazing!

The Heimlich maneuver can be performed in any restaurant but be prepared for some angry diners unless they are actually choking since all of them tend to spit up up their food if squeezed hard enough.

82 posted on 07/29/2010 2:32:21 AM PDT by count-your-change (You don't have be brilliant, not being stupid is enough.)
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To: Kimmers

bfl


83 posted on 07/29/2010 3:07:01 AM PDT by Skooz (Gabba Gabba we accept you we accept you one of us Gabba Gabba we accept you we accept you one of us)
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To: 50mm

Pedophile! You said you were 12.


84 posted on 07/29/2010 3:18:04 AM PDT by TheOldLady (Tagline ran away from home again. It's in for it this time.)
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To: maine yankee; humblegunner; Eaker; 50mm; shibumi; Salamander; Allegra; Markos33; Larry Lucido
"Too girly for you?"

I agree.
How important are many of these ‘skills’ outside the urban enviroment.
This list should be labeled;
Metro-sexual 101

Yes, I figured if I called my FRiends, they would man it up a bit, especially Salamander and Allegra.

85 posted on 07/29/2010 3:23:27 AM PDT by TheOldLady (Tagline ran away from home again. It's in for it this time.)
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To: Kimmers

after all this, you may get an opportunity to get a spot in a Progressive Insurance commercial with Flo...


86 posted on 07/29/2010 3:24:42 AM PDT by sit-rep
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To: TheOldLady

My birthday is February 29 so I only have a birthday every 4 years.


87 posted on 07/29/2010 3:58:18 AM PDT by 50mm (Valhalla I am coming)
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To: Eaker
...they left, “be able to out drink a Scotsman” off the list.


88 posted on 07/29/2010 4:02:18 AM PDT by TheOldLady (Tagline ran away from home again. It's in for it this time.)
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To: Kimmers

#51 Know how to use jumper cables


89 posted on 07/29/2010 4:04:45 AM PDT by Puddleglum ("due to the record harvest, rationing will continue as usual")
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To: 50mm

The eyebrows, the hair, the moustache! That’s me! I do have a nicer fur coat though.


90 posted on 07/29/2010 4:11:56 AM PDT by TheOldLady (Tagline ran away from home again. It's in for it this time.)
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To: CAluvdubya
42. Hug another man.

NOT!!!!!!! unless he's choking...this list was written by a women!

Not even your dad or elderly uncle? Sure ya would! :)

None of the above are alive, and I never hugged either. Men shake hands....

91 posted on 07/29/2010 4:17:00 AM PDT by MrPiper
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To: 50mm

Show me your birth certificate.


92 posted on 07/29/2010 4:31:56 AM PDT by TheOldLady (Tagline ran away from home again. It's in for it this time.)
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To: TheOldLady; maine yankee; humblegunner; Eaker; 50mm; shibumi; Allegra; Markos33; Larry Lucido

Men.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Av8F21L5AYs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhm7DMvapGA

No “list” necessary.

Sal “Hot For Herger” Amander


93 posted on 07/29/2010 4:35:09 AM PDT by Salamander (And I think I need some rest but sleeping don't come very easy in a straight white vest.)
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To: Salamander

Same director who did Die Hard, huh?


94 posted on 07/29/2010 4:39:52 AM PDT by Larry Lucido (A woman is like an artichoke; you have to do a bit of work to get to her heart ~Insp. Clouseau)
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To: Larry Lucido

You really think I bothered to read the credits?.....:))


95 posted on 07/29/2010 4:41:18 AM PDT by Salamander (And I think I need some rest but sleeping don't come very easy in a straight white vest.)
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To: annelizly
7. Back up your woman.

I know how to back up a computer. Is this like that?

96 posted on 07/29/2010 4:52:16 AM PDT by SoothingDave
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To: Salamander

Love that movie. The way Banderas’s character learned Norse particularly sticks in my mind, but the whole thing was great.


97 posted on 07/29/2010 5:03:19 AM PDT by TheOldLady (Tagline ran away from home again. It's in for it this time.)
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To: TheOldLady

Banderas was in that movie?

I reckon I didn’t notice him.

:)


98 posted on 07/29/2010 5:08:46 AM PDT by Salamander (And I think I need some rest but sleeping don't come very easy in a straight white vest.)
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To: Kimmers
There is only one on the list that I cannot do to perfection...

Innocently flirt with a woman at least twice your age—Without causing offense or being disrespectful, of course.

.....unless I visit a cemetery.

99 posted on 07/29/2010 5:16:24 AM PDT by wtc911 ("How you gonna get down that hill?")
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To: MrPiper
Fatherhood has become a jail....

Oh my, you poor, sad fool.

Note that I'm not criticizing people who don't have kids, especially if they don't like kids. But father hood a prison? That's a laugh. I have four kids, the oldest is 15 and being a dad is the best job going.

100 posted on 07/29/2010 6:46:37 AM PDT by Mr. Silverback (Anyone who says we need illegals to do the jobs Americans won't do has never watched "Dirty Jobs.")
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