Boop the Bank Robber’s Nose!
Don’t Let Him Get Away With It!
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Posted on 04/26/2012 7:15:21 AM PDT by the_devils_advocate_666
I always did the .45 caliber slug to the temple test.
I’d shoot myself with a .45 in the temple, and if she called 911, she was a keeper.
I’m willing to bet a large chunk of Obama bucks that this guy’s wife, in her heart of hearts, believes she has lost approximately 0 arguments.
A woman goes to see her priest/rabbi/marriage counselor and says; “I hate my suband. He’s mean, nasty and abusive. I’m going to divorce him.”
The priest/rabbi/marriage counselor says; “Well go ahead. But first.. do something that will make his life miserable.” She is eager to do that so she takes his advice;
“Cook for him, clean for him, have relations on demand if he wants it. Do everything to please him and make him happy for one month with no arguing or complaining. Then leave him. And that way, he will be even more miserable when you’ge gone and he’ll realize what a fool he was for mistreating you. Trust me.. he will suffer even more if you do this.”
So she takes his advice and leaves. 3 months later the priest/rabbi/marriage counselor runs into the woman on the street and asks how her divorce is going?
“Divorce??”; exclaims the woman; “What divorce? Why would I divorce the sweetest, most wonderful and caring husband in the world? He is truly a gentleman and I’m more in love with him than ever.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So. How do you suppose that happened?
36 years this year for another pair of losers over here. :)
“Although I quibble with the word choice ‘losers,’ the observations and philosophy of this article seem spot on.”
I agree, “Sweet Surrender” would have been much better. I love that song by John Denver - it is indescribably liberating.
Or maybe “Mutual Surrender”.
LOL! Explains a LOT of your posts, Laz!
That’s wonderful! Next week is our 26th anniversary.
I have have many ask how we remained married so long. (Or as I put it, she put up with me this long.) My simple answer refers to our first rule we discussed before marriage: Divorce is not an option. It is amazing how well you can work things out when you realize that there is no running away. Of course, we had a 2+ year engagement and kissed for the first time at the altar, so we might be even bigger losers.
My parents had a wonderful marriage of each losing to the other for life. They were in love all 69 1/2 years of their marriage. I was always in awe of their wonderful love for one another and how it always triumphed over adversity of every kind.
“What’s that?”
Back in the days when cars had the little button on the door one would push down to lock the door.
You lock both doors. When you get to the car with your girl, you unlock her door, help her in then walk around the car to unlock your door.
If she reaches over to unlock the door for you, she’s a keeper. If she doesn’t reach over the seat to unlock your door for you then get rid of her because she is selfish. :-)
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for >10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave underarms and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a bedspread.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your hair (with bar soap).
Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
Find the remote – ITS GAME TIME!
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