My Wife is Mentally Ill

July 28, 2015 | rfreedom4u

[rfreedom4u]

Comments and advice are welcome. Life sucks sometimes.

[Mamzelle]

How old was she when the symptoms started?

[rfreedom4u]

She was 32 when they started.

[Ditter]

What a nightmare you have been living. My mother in law had some mental health problems but nothing as bad as your wife. I don’t have any advice but you have my prayers.

[thackney]

The Lord bless you and keep you;
the Lord make his face shine on you
and be gracious to you;
the Lord turn his face toward you
and give you peace.

- - - - - - -

It may not sound like an answer to your question, but it is all I can offer on the subject.

[ImJustAnotherOkie]

Fortunately this has not happened to me, but it has to my friends and I’m suspect of someone close. It’s often passed down through the generations, as for advice, I have none.

[rjsimmon]

Dealing with a spouse that has an illness is weary on the soul. My wife suffers from chronic and acute attacks of pancreatitis as well as recently having a pulmonary embolism. The doctors at the ER typically believe she is drug seeking and treat her like a junkie. Her condition was caused by a surgeon that improperly sliced her pancreatic duct, but could not be considered malpractice, so she suffers.

As a military man, I compartmentalize and take care of the house, kids, and pets as I should, but trying to deal with what my wife has become (extremely short tempered, massive weight gain, constantly sleeping, little to no will to live, etc.) is taxing on our children and has its effects on me as well.

I deal with it through prayer and other Marines that attend my church. This is my advice to you as well. Please turn to Christ as He is the only answer. Our wives may never be healed in this life, but will not suffer in the next. Be patient with your bride as she is going through something that is more frightening to her than anything we could imagine. In her lucid moments, she probably realizes what is happening but cannot express it. Try to imagine if you were truly able to see angels and demons, how would those around you react?

[mmichaels1970]

Sorry to hear about your situation. Before I got married, I asked myself seriously if I would jump between a bullet and my wife. When the answer was "yes", I felt I was ready.

In my opinion, the sacrifices you have made, and continue to make, appear to be heroic. There is no way I can possibly understand what you continue to go through every day. I do have a child with mental illness that may kind of give me a small idea of these kinds of challenges. With that said, I would hope you continue to be the hero.

Not sure if you've gone this route, but going to therapy yourself might be a good way to find somebody to help you with these difficulties as they arise.

[momtothree]

“So, do I stay or do I go?”

I don’t think anyone but you can make that decision, rfeedom4u. I will say this: I am very sorry that you have gone through so much torment and that your wife is mentally ill. Do you know of any mental illness in her family? Was she diagnosed and if so.. with what? May I say that I do applaud you for keeping the family intact while the kids were growing up. I say this because you must have provided some stability and comfort to your children.

[Shery]

God intended for marriage to be until death do us part, however, no one can discount the hell you’ve been through. Sounds like it has almost been like living with someone who is unfaithful as she surely has not been a marriage partner. Turn to the Lord if you want real help. You did not say whether you are a believer or not, but I can say with assurance that He sees your plight and is there to help if you call on Him. I know of others who have been through similar things as believers. They stayed on to care for the spouse, and through it all, God was there, but they enjoyed His peace in their situation because they did not give up.

[tgusa]

This sounds very much like my Mom, although it happened to her later (her 50’s). It was diagnosed as dementia, although I think that was the ‘easy course’. I do know that it wore my Dad out to the point that his dementia wasn’t diagnosed until my Mom passed. Tough row to hoe, my FRiend. Prayers up. Bottom line .... your and your childrens’ health is the primary concern. Get your wife the care she needs and DO NOT take ‘no’ for an answer from TRICARE. There are lawyers (and congresscritters) who will help.

[SuzyQue]

You’ve both got my prayers.

You don’t mention family other than your kids. Do you or she have family who can help? What about friends or church members? Sounds like you need some “down-time” and a little bit of peace. Is that possible?

[oh8eleven]

So, do I stay or do I go?
You need to discuss this with a lawyer, a doctor and a priest ... not necessarily in that order.

[dinoparty]

I have no advice either except to tell you that you have lived a better life than most of us because of your heroic, sustained commitment to your marriage and your children in the most difficult of circumstances. Please don’t think you are “missing out” on living a “normal life”. I only wish I had the courage and strength that you have.

[rfreedom4u]

We’ve both been to numerous therapy and counseling sessions. I’ve even gone by myself for a while.

[umgud]

I can’t tell you what to do, but be honest with yourself. Do you think she will ever get any better?

[Drawsing]

This life is short and only a vapor compared to eternity. Honor your vow to love in sickness and in health. Take measures to protect your safety, but don’t stop caring for her.

1 Corinthians 4: “For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”

[AppyPappy]

I can only answer for what I would do in that circumstance.

I would do something different. If I always stayed, I would leave. Sometimes, people feel “safe” indulging their psychosis because they knew there is a safety net. Whatever happens, someone will care for them. If I can push them into that place where their problems must be confronted, maybe they will take them seriously.
IOW they quit taking their meds because you are always there if anything goes wrong. If you take that away, they might decide that taking their meds is the best strategy.
I had a friend who was married to a woman who was physically abusive when she went off her meds. He started leaving to go hang out with friends out of state. Once she figured out he had a place to get away from her, she quit being physically abusive. Despite her mental issues, she was still rational.

[mad_as_he$$]

I will be slammed for this but IMHO get out. Get out and make yourself as scarce as possible. There is little chance you can have her permanently committed in today’s climate. You did your duty, your kids are adults. You deserve a chance to be happy. The stress will/has take(n) a toll on you. Separate your affairs from hers and get a divorce.

Some things cannot be fixed and the mental “health” industry is a wreck. As you said she has had multiple diagnoses and medications. You cannot force her to take her meds, so again get out as cleanly as possible.