Posted on 08/30/2016 9:21:58 AM PDT by John Semmens
The State Department issued a warning to US citizens advising them to avoid foreign travel for the "foreseeable future." The warning was sparked by what the Department characterized as "an unfortunate misunderstanding of a recent multi-million dollar payment to Iran."
"We thought we were paying off an amount due Iran from the cancellation of the Shah's 1979 purchase of jet fighters," explained Payton Moore, Undersecretary for Islamic Relations. "The government of Iran thought we were paying ransom for four Americans they were holding prisoner until a plane delivering the $400 million in cash arrived in their country. Now the Iranian government has instructed police and military units to take more American 'criminals' into custody for future exchanges."
The misunderstanding was confirmed when Iranian Minister of Commerce, Mehdi Ghazanfari, bragged that "the exchange of American spies for cash compensation is the most efficacious investment available to us. The return exceeds that of any other industry that we could conceivably undertake."
The Minister recommended expanding the scheme to include "arresting Iranians with relatives who are American citizens. The loyalty of anyone with family in the United States is suspect. We can test their loyalty to Iran by inducing them to invite family members for a visit. We can then arrest the visiting Americans and earn a generous profit by ransoming them back to the US government."
Ghazanfari hastened to point out that "this doesn't mean we shouldn't continue to export Muslim refugees to countries where they can collect welfare benefits. As the Quran tells us, it is every Muslim's right to receive the jizya from the kafirs. The benefits aren't as robust as they ought to be, but as more Muslims attain citizenship in the western countries they will use their votes to remedy this deficiency."
In related news, the US State Department announced that "as a courtesy to former Secretary Hillary Clinton" it won't be releasing her 2009-2013 appointment calendar until after the November election. Department spokesman Herman Hushman called it "a simple case of helping out an alumna of the agency during a difficult time in her life."
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
http://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php/topic,222382.0.html
In other news, the state department issued a travel warning for the U.S. and warned all citizens to leave the country immediately. This is due to the recent influx of muslim syrian refugees who are likely to view Americans as infidels who need to be raped and/or have their heads chopped off...as an act of love.
This is brilliant!! BTT
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