Free Republic

A Saudi court has ruled in favor of the public display of a crucifix, despite a Kingdom-wide ban on Christian symbols. The only proviso is that a beheaded human body has to be attached to it: RIYADH (Reuters) – A Saudi court of cassation upheld a ruling to behead and crucify a 22-year-old man convicted of raping five children and leaving one of them to die in the desert, newspapers reported on Tuesday. The convict was arrested earlier this year after a seven-year old boy helped police in their investigation. The child left in the desert after the rape was...

Left-wing news commentator for MSNBC Keith Olbermann declared voter demonstrations against the Administration’s health care bill “terrifying” and urged that “they be stopped in some way.” The remarks came in response to a massive rally in Washington this past Thursday by opponents of the health care bill originally slated for a vote in the House of Representatives on Saturday. “Here are our duly elected members of Congress trying to do their job, trying to fix a broken health care system, when mobs of ignorant yahoos descend on them,” Olbermann complained. “How can we expect to govern the people of America...

Note: This is satire designed to show the ludicrous nature of the media coverage on the Ft. Hood issue. It is not designed to trivialize a terrible event but to make people understand better what happened and how the event is being dangerously distorted.] By Barry Rubin When John Wilkes Booth opened fire on President Abraham Lincoln in Ford’s Theatre in April 1865, the media was puzzled. “True, the actor was outspoken in his Confederate sympathies and viewed himself as a Southerner,” said someone who knew him, “but that was no reason he might want Lincoln to be dead.” The...

With less than half the doses estimated to be needed likely to actually be available, the government has set rules aimed at directing short supplies to those deemed most vulnerable. As expected, children and pregnant women top the publicized priority list. Unexpectedly, though, it has been disclosed that Wall Street bankers and brokers have also been allocated a share of the scarce supply. U.S. Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner explained that “ordinary people can’t be expected to understand the strategic need for us to keep Wall Street up and running. Missing a single day’s trading because of the flu could cost...

Analysis of the pending Obama Administration health care bill indicates that most taxpayers will end up paying more, yet get less medical care than they currently do under preexisting plans. This, however, is not a bad thing according to an Obama Administration spokesperson. “An estimated 90% of visits to the doctor are unnecessary,” observed Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius. “By eliminating as many of these visits as we can, we will hold down the cost of care. We will also be reducing the frequency with which patients are injured by doctors. Most people aren’t aware that being...

These days, it seems you can't turn around without hearing about comedian Jeff Dunham, arguably the most popular ventriloquist since Shari Lewis and Lamb Chop -- and lot more polarizing. In case you don't know Dunham, he's been a ventriloquist for 25 years, has generated 350 million hits on YouTube and, according to Forbes, earned $30 million last year (placing him just behind Jerry Seinfeld and Chris Rock as America's richest comedian). He also earned record-breaking ratings last week for the the premiere of 'The Jeff Dunham Show' on Comedy Central. But he's also got plenty of detractors, and a...

In a shocking, pre-dawn announcement, President Obama upheld his end of the bargain, and named D. Scozzafava his Special Advisor on Reproductive Rights, thus rewarding the Republican Candidate for his only consolation in the November 3rd Elections, otherwise a PR nightmare for the neophyte Executive. The President’s call to the Scozzafava residence came right after the “Thank You” from Democrat Owens who, as he put it, “Couldn’t have done it without her.” “Ms. Scozzafava’s special recognition by Pro-Abortion organizations and her talent as a politcal hermaphrodite make her a natural here in Washington,” noted the President. “We are thrilled to...

New York—In a stunning show of support for Rush Limbaugh, the National Football League™ has decided to sue Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson for $300 million in libel over his ousting in a bid to buy the St. Louis Rams. Sharpton and Jackson, who led the charge in spreading slanderous and libelous racist statements, are now going to have to pay for their thuggish tactics in agitating the mainstream media, the sports media and Americans in general. NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell, is spearheading the lawsuit, realizing his egregious error in the generation of revenue that only Rush Limbaugh could’ve added...

CBS’ Mark Knoller reports that the Obama Administration is on pace to more than triple the output of rounds of golf played by a president while in office. In his first nine months in office, President Barack Obama has played 24 rounds of golf. It took President Bush 34 months to play as many holes. The President’s Press Secretary, Robert Gibbs, attributed the feat to “the superior dynamism of an agenda focused on hope and change. The faster pace set by the President is emblematic of the energy he has brought into the White House. It should bolster confidence in...

The chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, Senator John Kerry (D-Mass) labeled General Stanley McChrystal’s proposal to send 40,000 additional U.S. combat troops to Afghanistan “ill-considered.” “This kind of blind blustering and saber-rattling might have sold in the Bush era, but it’s a new day under Democratic leadership,” Kerry boasted. “A more cautious and deliberate approach must guide us.” In support of his position, the Senator cited a resolution passed unanimously by the Berkeley City Council calling for “an end to the United States’ barbarous ravaging of Afghanistan with cowardly remote attacks.” “At least the so-called jihadis have the...

The chairmen of the House and Senate foreign relations committees—Representative Howard Berman (D-Calif) and Senator John Kerry (D-Mass), respectively—are demanding the librarians at the Law Library of Congress to suppress a report on the Honduran crisis. The problem with the report is that it concludes that the removal of former Honduran President Manuel Zelaya was carried out in accordance with that country’s constitution. “This report directly contradicts the President’s position on this crisis,” Berman pointed out. “It creates an air of confusion regarding US policy on this matter. On matters of foreign policy, this nation must speak with one voice...

White House Spokesman Robert Gibbs dismissed arguments that there is no Constitutional mandate for requiring people to purchase health insurance. “The President’s opponents are tying themselves in knots over arcane notions of ‘enumerated powers’ and ‘rights supposedly reserved to the people’ when the issue is as simple as can be,” Gibbs asserted. “I’m no Constitutional scholar, but as I read the document, President Obama is the nation’s Supreme Commander. And if the Supreme Commander gives an order, everyone is obliged to obey it—’game over.’” Gibb’s statement was backed up by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) who maintains that the issue...

Recent disclosure that the so-called “cash for clunkers” government program that paid new car buyers up to $4500 each for the trade-in of qualifying vehicles actually cost taxpayers an average of over $24,000 per trade-in due to government “red tape,” prompted a scathing response on the whitehouse.gov web site. “Quibbling over the cost to taxpayers is both untimely and unseemly,” wrote an anonymous White House staffer. “The important objective is to pump money into the economy. It wouldn’t have mattered if we simply threw currency from the windows of a moving car. In this case, the government employees who processed...

And so the captain ordered the entire ship’s company was assembled. Suddenly, Ahab cried out to them, “What do ye do when ye see a Middle East conflict, men?" "We negotiate!" was the rejoinder from a score of the sailors. "Good!" cried the captain, "And what do ye next, men?" “We offer unilateral concessions!” "And what tune is it ye sing as ye give them, men?" "The Peace Process Chanty!" More and more strangely and fiercely glad and approving, grew the countenance of the captain at every shout; while the mariners themselves began to get excited, especially the Conflicts’ Management...

The Democratic Party of New Jersey is pressuring the Secretary of State to ignore discrepancies on the signatures that are supposed to verify absentee ballots. Under state law, anyone can cast an absentee ballot for any reason. Paul P. Josephson, a lawyer representing the New Jersey Democratic State Committee, declared “this level of scrutiny is unwarranted and discriminatory. Just because a signature contains misspellings, or a different address or name than the registered voter is insufficient reason for disqualifying the vote. Many Democratic voters are poorly educated, illiterate, or worse. Cracking down on these ‘errors’ will disproportionately depress the votes...

CBS News skepticism regarding the number of jobs saved by the Obama Administration’s stimulus legislation raised ire at the White House. CBS News reporter Chip Reid aired a report revealing that many of the Administration’s claimed “job saved or created” totals were either exaggerated or false. Separately, CBS investigative reporter Stephen Stock worked undercover to expose a pattern of fraud at medical clinics operating in South Florida. This is part of an estimated annual $60 billion worth of fraud perpetrated in the government’s Medicare and Medicaid programs. “We’re putting CBS on notice,” said Barack Obama’s Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel....

Vermont State Rep. Fred Maslack has read the Second Amendment to the U.S.. Constitution as well as Vermont 's own Constitution very carefully, and his strict interpretation of these documents is popping some eyeballs in New England and elsewhere. Maslack recently proposed a bill to register non-gun-owners and require them to pay a $500 fee to the state. Thus Vermont would become the first state to require a permit for the luxury of going about unarmed and assess a fee of $500 for the privilege of not owning a gun. Maslack read the "militia" phrase of the Second Amendment as...

Reminiscent of the authoritarian regime in George Orwell’s 1984, the Obama Administration introduced some “newspeak” terms into our political debate earlier this year. The “war on terror” became an “overseas contingency action” and “acts of terrorism” became “man caused disasters.” Seemingly innocuous changes in statements appeared to do no harm at the time. Now, however, when one looks at the execution of “overseas contingency actions,” the change in semantics reflects a change in urgency. We have seen Obama drag his feet in Afghanistan while our casualties mount. Rather than denounce “acts of terrorism,” we are striving to understand “entering a...

Who can tax the sunshine...

President Barack Obama’s nominee to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC), Chai Feldblum, has rankled many by calling the promotion of traditional marriage “wrongheaded.” “The idea that two-parent families are a positive force for good is mistaken,” Feldblum argued. “In fact, its touted key strength—that it is best for children—is its greatest weakness. The Earth is already overpopulated. Adding more children can only worsen this problem.” Feldblum contrasted traditional heterosexual marriage with the gay lifestyle, calling it a comparison that does not bode favorably for so-called traditional values. “The great virtue of homosexual relationships is that they don’t produce more...

National Public Radio’s Kevin Whitelaw blames “right wing ideologues” for destroying the reputation of the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now, more commonly known by its acronym—ACORN. “By relentlessly focusing on ACORN’s election fraud, mismanagement, embezzlement and other criminal activities, right wing fanatics are overshadowing the significant accomplishments of this great organization,” Whitelaw contends. “They’ve gotten millions enrolled for welfare. They got millions to vote for Obama.” Whitelaw characterized recent revelations that ACORN employees advised applicants on how to set up an illegal prostitution business as “misguided zealotry.” “It’s easy for those who earn an honest living to ridicule...

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) said while the Democratic Leadership is concocting a second dose of federal spending to stimulate the economy, it won’t be called a “stimulus package.” “There’s been too much bad publicity for the first stimulus package,” Pelosi said. “People are mocking us because unemployment is now higher than what we said it would be if we didn’t pass the first stimulus package. People say we just made things worse. This is undermining faith in the government.” Pelosi downplayed criticisms that the first stimulus package served mainly to bailout blundering financial institutions, instigate corruption, and promote waste....

House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer (D-Md) rebutted claims that a government mandate compelling everyone to buy health insurance would be unconstitutional. “As I read the Constitution, the government has the right to enact any requirement it deems serves the general welfare of the nation,” Hoyer asserted. “If we feel that the nation’s general welfare would be served by requiring everyone to purchase health insurance, we will do so. If we feel that the general welfare would be served by forcing everyone to get a flu shot, then everyone will have to get a shot.” Hoyer maintained that “the idea that...

Obama Administration advisor David Axelrod said his analysis of Fox News broadcasts confirms that “it is not really a news station and should not be treated as such. The President has requested that the Federal Communications Commission “review Fox’s broadcasts and determine whether its license should be revoked.” Two key charges against Fox are pending. One is that “its on-air personnel are insufficiently diversified.” “We feel fairly certain that the racial and ethnic composition of the on-air staff does not reflect a proportionate balance with the composition of the nation’s population,” Axelrod said. “This is a violation of the Equal...

President Barack Obama declined to participate in a celebration of the 20th anniversary of fall of Communism in Europe, saying he has “mixed feelings” about the event and “too little time to spare.” “On the one hand, Communism did some brutal things,” Obama acknowledged. “On the other hand, they had some noble goals and made some important progress toward achieving them.” Among the noble goals achieved according to the President were “the provision of universal health care, free college education, and the elimination of capitalistic greed. We can only hope to do as well in our country.” The president cited...

Former Vice-President Dick Chenney’s comment accusing the Obama Administration of “dithering” on the decision whether to send more troops to Afghanistan drew sharp rebukes from key Democrats. Administration Press Secretary, Robert Gibbs dismissed Chenney’s comments as “off-base.” “Where Mr. Chenney sees dithering, the reality is that we are pursuing a conscious policy of aggressive equivocation,” Gibbs said. “The aim is to keep America’s enemies off-balance. Not knowing whether more US troops are on the way will undermine their planning.” Defense Secretary Robert Gates echoed Gibbs’ take on the issue, explaining that “postponing a decision on deployment throws a monkey wrench...

Two separate incidents of potential school yard mayhem were narrowly averted by decisive action on the part of public school officials in New York and Delaware. In Delaware’s Christina School District, 1st grade student Zachary Christie was spotted eating lunch with an unauthorized Boy Scout mess kit tool—a combination knife/fork/spoon. Disaster was avoided when the vice-principal quickly disarmed and immobilized the child. The school’s “zero tolerance” policy calls for the offending 6-year old student to be sentenced to 45 days in reform school. School officials rebuffed arguments that the child’s age and the circumstances should be taken into consideration. “This...

The Sweet Singer's verse is concerned to a large extent with total abstinence and violent death -- the great Chicago fire, the railway disaster of Ashtabula, the Civil War, the yellow fever epidemic in the South. She sings death by drowning, by smallpox, by fits, accidents by lightning-stroke and sleigh. "Julia is worse than a Gatling gun," wrote Bill Nye; "I have counted twenty-one killed and nine wounded, in the small volume she has given to the public." She also greatly relishes normal infant mortality, especially in cases where the little victim possesses blue eyes and curling golden hair; but...

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) rejected the idea of incorporating tort reform into the health care legislation now under consideration. The issue arose when the Congressional Budget Office estimated that tort reform could reduce health care costs by $54 billion over the next decade. “Look, $54 billion is a drop in the bucket for a program that will cost at least $2 trillion over the same period,” Reid observed. “The impact on the taxpayers will be inconsequential.” Reid contrasted the “minuscule savings for taxpayers with the devastating impact that reducing tort costs would have on trial lawyers. The benefit...

Despite a United Nations’ report finding that Honduras acted within the parameters of its constitution in removing sitting President Manuel Zelaya, the Obama Administration remained firm in its demand that Zelaya be restored to power. “While we certainly respect the UN’s right to a different point of view, we must insist on the reestablishment of the Zelaya Government,” said President Barack Obama. “His removal was founded on an adherence to formalistic procedures rather than a true expression of the people’s will.” “It is our belief that the popular referendum President Zelaya sought is fully compatible with the core democratic principles...

A week of hard negotiations between the United States and Russia netted what Secretary of State Hillary Clinton classified as “significant breakthroughs in our two countries’ relationship.” Among the breakthroughs cited by Secretary Clinton—Russia will be allowed to inspect US nuclear weapons sites, Russia retains the right to preemptive, first-strike use of nuclear weapons, and Russia will not assist the United States in seeking sanctions against Iran’s acquisition of nuclear warheads. “By acceding to their demands we are showing them that we do not pose a threat to their interests,” Clinton explained. “A gesture of submission on our part eases...

Crowder pokes fun at rap music and the Nobel Peace prize.

Ridiculed by right-wing commentators for remarks indicating that Mao Tse-tung was her favorite philosopher, White House communications director Anita Dunn fired back at her critics, saying that “racial prejudice and ideological blinders shouldn’t keep us from acknowledging greatness wherever we find it.” “Mao rescued his country from centuries of feudalism,” Dunn claimed. “The person that could accomplish such a feat is worthy of both admiration and emulation.” Dunn said Mao’s detractors “make too much of the so-called brutality of his methods. The masses of China were largely illiterate—like most of the world’s people. There was no time for squeamish notions...

Implant false memories by 'seizing control of circuits. Posted in Biology, 16th October 2009 13:43 GMT An alliance of boffins from Oxford University and Virginia, America say they have developed a technique for "writing directly to memory" in a living brain, "seizing control of brain circuits" to create a memory of an experience which had never actually happened. Thus far, according to the research, the technique works reliably only on flies. "Flies have the ability to learn, but the circuits that instruct memory formation were unknown," says Oxford insect-brain expert Gero Miesenböck. "We were able to pin the essential component...

Guest post by Barack Hussein Obama, POTUS, LOTUS, and BOTUS* Since Dr. Dave planted this kid today to ask me this question during a town hall meeting I spoke at in New Orleans, I had Anita Dunn commandeer this dumbass web site so I could post my official response. So I could be clear. Or clearer than I was when I told that kid in public: "I think that you've got to take it with a grain of salt. Some of it is just what's called politics where, you know, once one party wins, then the other party kind of...

ST. LOUIS -- Conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh today was booted from a group seeking to buy the St. Louis Rams because fabricated Wikiquotes now constitute rock solid evidence on which the MSM can base race card smear campaigns. Limbaugh, meanwhile, said on his radio show that he'll take his $450 billion personal war chest -- earned exclusively by the increasingly anachronistic expression "sweat of his own brow" -- and launch a bid for the Republican presidential nomination against Democrat pResident Barack Obama in 2012. "Folks, I don't even know if he plans to run for a second...

Illinois Senator Dick Durbin (D) said those criticizing the healthcare bill because of its length (over 1,000 pages) compared to the Ten Commandments of the Bible aren’t being fair. “Look, first off, God was dealing with simpler issues in simpler times,” Durbin complained. “We live in more complex times. It’s to be expected that we’d need more words to deal with these more complex issues.” “Besides, has the brevity of the Ten Commandments really done the job?” Durbin asked. “It seems that many didn’t get the message. If God had been a little more verbose maybe the world wouldn’t be...

The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) is working assiduously to get prisoners registered to vote in the state of Maine. Maine is one of only two states in which it is legal for prison inmates to vote. Vermont is the other. Rachel Talbot Ross, president of the Portland chapter of the NAACP said “it is time to bring prisoner voting into the mainstream. A growing proportion of our population is comprised of criminals who are behind bars. Denying this segment of society the right to participate in self-government is a taint on our democracy.” Ross pointed...

Do you have anti-gun Democratic friends who do not seem as ‘joyous’ as they were after the election of the “Great One�? Maybe they’re worried about their ‘security’ at home with the increasing “residential crime� they’ve been reading about. Also, maybe they realize now that the police can’t be everywhere to protect them within seconds. Well here’s ‘good news’ for them. Smith & Wesson has just announced a new handgun designed just for the person who is un-familiar with – and possibly afraid of – handguns, yet wants to have adequate home protection: The “SW18044L� (‘L’ signifies ‘liberal’).. You will...

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) says it’s time we “got in step with the civilized nations and adopted our own value added tax.” A value added tax assesses each producer of output for the increment of additional value he/she contributes to the making of goods or services. This type of tax is common in Europe. “This nation is desperately in need of more revenue to support government programs,” Pelosi asserted. “We need to tap new sources. A huge untapped source is the activity of creating value in the products sold.” The Speaker maintained that “simple equity and environmental justice argue...

Former Honduran president Manuel Zelaya complained that a “broad coalition of conspirators collaborated in ousting me from my post.” The conspirators are alleged to include US right-wing politicians, the international Zionist cabal, and extraterrestrials. “The hand of these nefarious agents can be seen in the manner of both my removal from office and in the continuing humiliation I am forced to endure,” Zelaya argued. “Rather than just having me shot by a military junta as is the time-honored custom in our part of the world, the conspiracy invoked constitutional procedures jointly endorsed by the court and legislature. Now I must...

In a draft chapter that failed to make the final editor’s cut, the late Senator Ted Kennedy boasted that he had slept with more than 1,000 women during his life. The Senator also recounted that he was quite pleased that it only cost him a total of $10 million in hush money. “In a way, the drowning of Mary Jo helped keep down the costs,” Kennedy wrote. “My ability to skate on that convinced many of my subsequent conquests to be reasonable in their demands lest a similar fate befall them.” The chapter also expressed some regret over the Kopechne...

VAIL, CO - Taking a break from some early-season October skiing, former vice-president Al Gore met with reporters this morning to discuss the looming global crisis with respect to global warming. Despite recent data that suggests that the earth's temperatures peaked in 1998 and have been steadily moving downward since and despite gathering proof that we are in fact entering another ice age, Mr. Gore stressed that it is very important that we do not allow the coming ice age to take our eyes of the ball of the real problem confronting us long-term - global warming caused by human...

In an effort to extract U.S. armed forces from Afghanistan, the Obama Administration has sent out peace feelers to the Taliban contingent upon their disentanglement of themselves from al-Qaeda. Press Secretary Robert Gibbs sought to clarify the difference between Taliban and al-Qaeda. “Al-Qaeda has carried out terrorist strikes around the world,” Gibbs pointed out. “The Taliban have confined their murders and oppression to those within the borders of Afghanistan. The President is confident he can live with that.” Taliban leader, Mullah Mohammed Omar is said to have welcomed “the offer of surrender from the ‘Great Satan,’” expressed his willingness “to...

Adapted by Barry Rubin from Jean Hersholt's translation of Hans Christian Andersen's story, "Keiserens nye Klæder" Many years ago there was a man who wanted to be Emperor, for according to the peculiar customs of that country of which I speak, the Emperor was elected. Fortunately for him, and unfortunately for many others, the man met a couple of political consultants who saw him as the ideal client. Together they would ride to the heights of power. To become Emperor, they explained, required a good image, a fine manner of speaking, and a handsome appearance. But in those days before...

To the surprise of nearly everyone, the Norwegian Nobel Committee has awarded its 2009 Peace Prize to US President Barack Obama. Committee Chairman Thorbjørn Jagland said that “a number of key factors went into our decision.” “First, President Obama is more for peace than any other person on the planet,” Jagland asserted. “Such earnest enthusiasm for an ideal merits special recognition.” Jagland observed that a similar standard led the Committee to award the Peace Prize to former US Vice-President Al Gore in 2007. “If we are giving Mr. Gore the Prize for his earnest enthusiasm on behalf of global warming,...

Do you miss those days in Little League when everyone received a trophy no matter how poorly you played? Now glory can be yours, for the Nobel Peace Prize is within reach of even the most incompetent fools. Just open a box of Cracker Jack.

CNN’S WOLF BLITZER: In surprising news, we've just learned this morning that President mmm-mmm-mmm Barack Hussein Obama has been awarded the title of Miss Universe for 2010. Sources indicate his girly pitch at Major League Baseball’s All-Star game this past summer was so stunningly feminine it put him far beyond the talents and beauty of next year’s potential competition, and the Miss Universe Organization decided to award Obama the honor without ever holding the pageant. The sheer elegance of his many appearances on the covers of Newsweek and Time merely added diamonds to his crown. [Holds his hand to the...

Well, this should settle all the rumors. Congrats, Bill, hey...it's an improvement from murdering people!

U.S. President Barack Obama told a crowd of admiring White House press corps reporters that he was "deeply honoured" to have won the 2009 Publishers' Clearing House Sweepstakes. As the President was having an early morning working breakfast with czar Kevin Jennings, Obama was surprised to hear the doorbell ring and see the cryogenicaly revived body of Ed McMahon and Dick Clark on the White House doorstep, cheque in hand. "I can't believe it!" said Obama. "That's more free money than I've ever seen working for ACORN!" "For the first time in my life," said an estatic Michelle Obama, dressed...