Free Republic

A number of polls in diverse locations indicate that mental illness may be far more pervasive than most experts have thought. A poll conducted by Time magazine and the Rockefeller Foundation claims to have found that 88 percent of people support bigger government. “People are scared,” said Time magazine Managing Editor Richard Stengel. “Personal responsibility is too big of a burden for the average guy. He needs the comfort of a ‘big brother’ who’ll be there to tuck him in at night, so to speak.” “It’s the government’s job to take care of the people,” declared poll respondent, Melissa Pewler....

MIAMI, FL - A civil rights group protested outside the offices of the National Hurricane Center today over what it claims is a disparity in the organization's storm naming process. The group staged the protest due to what it sees as "an elitist, bigoted practice that favors whites and Hispanics".

The Mexican government announced that it will honor U.S. Senator Ted Kennedy by granting him citizenship in what President Felipe Calderón called “the emerging ‘Greater Mexico.’” “Señor Kennedy’s staunch defense of the rights of so-called illegal immigrants has been a cornerstone of the effort to unite the Norte Americano continent into one political entity,” Calderón proclaimed. “As a ‘founding father’ of ‘Greater Mexico,’ he deserves to be awarded citizenship.” Calderón contrasted what he contended was Mexico’s “spirit of generosity” in awarding Kennedy citizenship with U.S. plans to build a barrier on the border. “Thanks to the work of Señor Kennedy,...

Planned Parenthood Association’s (PPA) political action committee released a new TV ad slamming presidential candidate Senator McCain for his opposition to abortion and his “indifference” to insurers covering erectile dysfunction drugs like Viagra. The charge of “indifference” was leveled after McCain admitted a lack of expertise on the topic. “I don’t know enough about it to give you an informed answer,” McCain replied when asked whether it was fair for insurers to pay for Viagra. “I guess that would be something for the insurers and their customers to work out on their own.” “The indifference, the ignorance, it’s astounding,” exclaimed...

<p>In a little intramural joshing in the magazine world, Vanity Fair today posted a send-up of the by-now infamous New Yorker cover meant to be a satire of attacks on Barack Obama's patriotism.</p> <p>The New Yorker's version showed Democrat Obama in Muslim garb fist-bumping his wife Michelle while the American flag burned in the fireplace under a portrait of Osama bin Laden.</p>

In a bid to “kill two birds with one stone,” Democrats in congress have introduced the Transportation and Housing Options for Gas Price Relief Act of 2008. This bill calls for the federal government to issue every American a “good pair of walking shoes” and mandates that “large appliance boxes be set aside as temporary housing for those who lose their homes due to mortgage defaults.” “The beauty of this plan is that the housing will be portable,” said an enthusiastic Representative Earl Blumenauer (D-Ore). “People will be able to live closer to jobs they can walk to. We will...

Since Barack Obama is on an historic trip to the Middle East and Europe, John McCain is struggling to get some media attention this week. His campaign brainstormed for weeks, desperately trying to match the drama and spectacle of the upcoming Obama rally at the Victory Gate in Berlin.In a daring bid to wrench attention from his Democratic rival in the 2008 presidential race, Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) today embarked on an historic first-ever visit to the Internet. Given that the Arizona Republican had never logged onto the Internet before, advisors acknowledged that his first visit to the World Wide...

Former Vice President Al Gore (D) offered the opinion that global warming, not terrorism, is the biggest threat to America. The former VP said that it is imperative that the nation go “green” before it is too late. “Terrorists may kill thousands,” Gore said. “Warming will kill billions and destroy civilization. If the government doesn’t take immediate action, the survival of the United States as we know it is at risk.” Step one of Gore’s proposed plan of action calls for the federal government to establish a “carbon-offsets” reserve. The reserve, modeled on the “Strategic Petroleum Reserve,” would have the...

<p>The New Yorker's Washington correspondent has been denied a press place on Barack Obama's tour of the Middle East and Europe after the magazine depicted the presidential candidate as a terrorist on its cover.</p> <p>The Obama camp said there was not enough room on the aircraft but the move is being seen as a snub to the magazine.</p>

Democratic presidential hopeful, Senator Barack Obama (D-Ill.), took his campaign east over the weekend. The three major television networks (ABC, CBS and NBC) accompanied him to “document this historic occasion.” Obama characterized the move as a bid “to reach out to all of the 57 states and bring them the same message of hope and redemption that I have shared with the three dozen or so states within the continental United States.” “This is definitely thinking ‘outside-the-box,’” gushed ABC News anchor Charles Gibson. “Lesser men may be content to be president of America. Senator Obama has a real chance to...

Poll: Congress got mad hate for ya votahs.Americans have one more thing to whine about. According to a recent Zigby poll, members of Congress have never had a lower opinion of the American people. The poll indicates that for the first time congressional opinion on the people they serve has fallen to single digits. A total of eight percent of Congress members say they have a "good opinion" of the American people. Only six percent of the members surveyed said they had a "great opinion" of their constituents. "This is historic," said Raymond Zigby, who runs Zigby polls and still...

The MSM brain freeze caused by that infamous New Yorker cover cartoon has finally thawed and the humorless prigs who are in the tank for Barack Obama realized that it doesn’t look good when journalists denounce other journalists for exercising their free speech rights. The Obama campaign also belatedly realized its reaction to the broad satire was “really dumb damage control,” writes Andrew Malcolm of the Los Angeles Times: It was a huge PR mistake by a campaign that doesn't make many. The denunciations by both presidential campaigns accomplished one thing: They pushed a simple cartoon to the top of...

[Warning! This is satire. If there is any resemblance to reality in the text below, it is purely intentional.] Al Gore, former Vice President of the United States, Nobel Peace Prize co-winner, and winner of a Hollywood Oscar for his documentary, “An Inconvenient Truth”, was at it again, giving another of those “The End is Near” speeches in which he advises the rest of us to stop driving, get rid of our air conditioners, and do everything else to avoid global warming. He says we only have ten years in which to do this. After that, says Al Gore, there...

The fact that the former Democratic presidential candidate and civil rights leader Rev. Jesse Jackson wanted to cut out some of Barack Obama's nuts for himself was hardly a surprise to anyone familiar with their miraculous properties. For a long time, people from all cultures of America and beyond have sought to incorporate Obama's nuts into their lives, both as objects of beauty and as tools for the body, mind and spirit. Every Obama's nut is unique with various properties and characteristics and has the ability to induce hope, as well as store, receive, and transmit energy. Other legendary properties...

We all know John Semmens, who posts regularly from his AzConservative satire site. People regularly mistake his work for reality, sometimes to hilarious effect, but sometimes just to a sad conclusion. In this story, we will look at two letters to the editor to a local paper here in Manassas. First, "On Barack Obama and Patriotism", A. Vic Poillucci, July 11, 2008: Mr. Obama’s response — “As I’ve said about the flag pin, I don’t want to be perceived as taking sides. There are a lot of people in the world to whom the American Flag is a symbol of...

THIS IS NOT A DRILLJuly 16, 2008 Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, or as she is called on the Big Dogs blog, "the worst speaker in the history of Congress," explained the cause of high oil prices back in 2006: "We have two oilmen in the White House. The logical follow-up from that is $3-a-gallon gasoline. It is no accident. It is a cause and effect. A cause and effect." Yes, that would explain why the price of oral sex, cigars and Hustler magazine skyrocketed during the Clinton years. Also, I note that Speaker Pelosi is a hotelier ......

California’s Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger (R) called drilling for more oil “too simple a solution.” “If we make fuel cheaper again, people won’t have to give up their bad habits,” Schwarzenegger claimed. “Besides, many important people own beach-front property in California. Even the slightest threat to the value of these properties would be intolerable. This is especially so if the reason is to postpone a much needed change in the way ordinary people live and travel.” The Governor proposed, instead, that California voters approve a $10 billion bond as a “down payment” on a $40 billion plan to construct high-speed passenger...

WASHINGTON, DC - Democrat presidential hopeful Barack Obama today continued efforts to attract a wide spectrum of voters with stunning bipartisanship. At the risk of angering his party's base to appeal to more moderate and conservative voters, Obama has modified his policy on taxes. To appeal to both supporters of increasing taxes and supporters of decreasing taxes, Obama proposed to keep the Bush tax cuts permanent, but impose a stiff tax on the cuts.

Apparently, late-night hosts are having trouble making fun of presidential candidate Barack Obama. One experienced writer stated, "The thing is, he’s not buffoonish in any way." Cough. The sad thing? That quote wasn't supposed to be ironic. Hoping to ease the creative burden upon late-night comedy writers, I offer them The Top Ten Ways to Mock Obama! [Several Photoshops follow...]

There is plenty funny about Barack Obama if you don't happen to worry about being called a racist or happen to think he is the Messiah. I had posted these pictures and captions on a forum I frequent but since the professionals need a little help, I'll post them here as well.

Former President Bill Clinton (D) warned voters against electing former prisoner-of-war Senator McCain president. “POWs are not like us,” Clinton observed. “They’ve been held captive in barbaric conditions, tortured and humiliated by this country’s enemies. How can they ever be objective enough to deal with our country’s enemies as president?” Clinton argued that his evasion of military service saved him “from building up the prejudices against and hatreds for different cultures and political systems that could have compromised my ability to govern effectively. My judgment was untainted by any suffering and privation that could have biased my views. The same...

House of Representatives Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) said calls by Republicans to drill for more oil “is not the answer America needs.” “Making gasoline more affordable would be the exact opposite of what we need to do,” Pelosi asserted. “We need to wean the country off of its dependence on fossil fuels. We can only do this if we discourage Americans’ love affair with their cars and put an end to the frenzy of excessive and senseless driving.” In support of her contention that Americans’ driving habits are “excessive” and “senseless,” the Speaker pointed to a recent study showing that...

If the New Yorker cover had been a satire of McCain ...... then it probably would've run in the National Review. Here's P-I cartoonist David Horsey's idea of what it might look like. If the McCain cover also existed, which would you say is worse? P.S. - A New York Times piece on how difficult it is to make jokes about Obama quotes comedian Bill Maher making a good point: ""If you can't do irony on the cover of The New Yorker, where can you do it?"

The BAM Racing team that offered Senator Barack Obama’s presidential campaign a potential sponsorship deal in the Sprint Cup series disclosed that the Illinois senator declined the opportunity. BAM team spokesman Rhett Vandiver said that Bill Burton, an Obama campaign spokesman told him there would be no sponsorship. “The Obama campaign will not be sponsoring a car in the Sprint Cup series,” said Burton. “Sponsorship would be interpreted as an endorsement of this mindless sport and its fans.” Burton called NASCAR a “significant source of air pollution” and labeled its fans “mostly ignorant rednecks who probably tote guns everywhere they...

It seems like the DUmmies are completely unaware of their astounding level of hypocrisy. As we saw YESTERDAY, KOmmie (also DUmmie) heads were exploding in outrage over the New Yorker cover featuring Barack Obama and his wife. Fast forward just a few hours later and the DUmmies are expressing admiration for a New Yorker cover that made Vice President Dick Cheney look like an evil pumpkin as you can see in this THREAD titled, "Do you remember this New Yorker cover from 2007? I still have it!" No sense of irony in DUmmieland over their hypocritical reactions to these...

Barry,So, you found this satirical New Yorker cover art "tasteless and offensive."Welcome to public life.Guess what? In Washington, political cartoonists and caricaturists spare no one. *Update* Chris at The Hot Joints reminds me of this truly disgusting cartoon run in the Obama-worshipping Rolling Stone magazine last month:Here's a reminder of the crap Condi Rice has had to deal with over the years: . . .

Big Business: The US Government is the New Bank of America Government as the Big Lender Massive new US bank formed: Gosbank USA By PETER S. GOODMAN For millions of Americans, the government has morphed from lender of last resort into effectively the only lender. Today the GSEs Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac merged with the Federal Reserve Bank, the US Treasury Department, Goldman Sachs, Citigroup and JP Morgan Chase to form Gosbank USA Capping a year of crisis in the credit markets and global financial system that led to the nationalization of banks in Europe and England, the US...

Former professional wrestler and Minnesota Governor, Jesse “The Body” Ventura has cast his hat into the ring as an Independent candidate for the Senate seat currently held by Republican Norm Coleman. Ventura said his candidacy was mainly inspired by a desire to “body slam that smirking, obnoxious twit—Al Franken—into political oblivion.” Franken, the Democratic candidate for the seat, is perhaps best known for his years on the “Saturday Night Live” skit comedy show that has aired on NBC for over three decades. “The ‘Al Franken Decade’ was over more than 20 years ago,” said Ventura, needling the comedian for one...

(2008-07-14) — The Bush administration’s plan to use the Federal Reserve and the U.S. Treasury to save two mismanaged quasi-governmental mortgage companies has already revived confidence in the U.S. free enterprise system both at home and abroad. “This just proves that American capitalism works,” said an unnamed analyst from Bear Stearns. “The self-correcting mechanism of free markets still happens as if guided by an invisible hand. This week we caught another glimpse at that hand. Too bad Adam Smith wasn’t alive to see it.” Around the globe, investor faith in the U.S. economy was buoyed by the news that the...

The Reverend Jesse Jackson said his offer to cut Senator Obama’s nuts off “should not be construed as, in any way, hostile to the Illinois senator’s drive to become the country’s first African-American president.” “Senator Obama is already in solid with the Black community,” Jackson pointed out. “He will get 90 percent or more of the Black vote. His big problem will be winning over former Hillary supporters. I’m just suggesting that he’d have a better chance with this demographic as a castrati.” Leslie Bianco, spokesman for the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender (LGBT) Political Action Committee (PAC) said people...

The cover of the July 21, 2008 New Yorker will feature the Obamas in a negative light. Both the Obama and McCain campaign call it “tasteless and offensive”. The New Yorker is a publication laced with satire, cartoons, and other commentary regarding the lifestyles of urban New Yorkers. Of course they are generally left leaning, but that’s nothing new. In a press release issued with the preview of the magazine, the following statement was asserted: “On the cover of the July 21, 2008, issue of The New Yorker, in ‘The Politics of Fear,’ artist Barry Blitt satirizes the use of...

Presidential candidate Senator Obama (D-Ill.), spurned an invitation from a coalition representing armed services personnel, veterans and their families to participate in a nationally televised town-hall-style meeting with the presidential candidates near Fort Hood, Texas, the largest active-duty military base in the country. Obama campaign spokesman, Ron Ehwey, characterized the planned event as “an attempted ambush by ‘hostile forces.’” “We’re leading in the polls,” Ehwey boasted. “There’s no need for our man to take this kind of risk.” Ehwey rebuffed allegations of “cowardice,” saying that “the American people need a leader who understands which risks are worth taking, not some...

IF OBAMA LOSES, THE CONVENTIONAL WISDOM WILL BE that it was because sleazy rightwingers portrayed him as a Muslim terrorist sympathizer. When that happens, show 'em this New Yorker cover and remind 'em that The New Yorker is not generally regarded as a right-wing publication. (But it's satire! Actual article here.) Plus, this: "The panelists agreed it would succeed in its goal of getting attention." Gee, do you think? Meanwhile, some people are actually talking about the story, instead of the cover. UPDATE: Ann Althouse: The artist is Barry Blitt, and I have to say that I think the cover...

The United Nations is reported to be considering ordering the return of the 60 recently freed hostages of the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia (FARC) to their captors because “their release was obtained through deceptive and dishonest means.” “The Colombian government agents misrepresented who they were and failed to carry out the agreed upon exchange,” said UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon. To carry out the rescue mission, Colombian security forces infiltrated FARC, posing as members who were ordered to transport the hostages as part of a trade for the release of imprisoned rebels. “If we let this go we run...

Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe fresh from his rigged election victory, fended off a possible move by the two-day summit of the 53-nation African Union to sanction him for murdering supporters of his opponent. In juxtaposition to the worldwide criticism he has faced, Mugabe’s argument that he was “no worse than many others in this room” hit the mark. The attendees of the meeting declined to issue any public rebuke of their colleague. Instead, his fellow leaders urged Mugabe to form a unity government with Zimbabwe's opposition. Mugabe endorsed this recommendation with enthusiasm, saying that it is fully compatible with the...

In what the media are hailing as “an incredibly nuanced take on a very sticky problem,” Democratic presidential hopeful, Senator Obama announced a “bold new approach” for dealing with the war in Iraq. Under Obama’s plan, he will “confer with the commanders-on-the-ground in Iraq to ensure a militarily sound strategy is followed.” At the same time, “performance benchmarks that the Iraqi government will be required to meet will be monitored.” Erstwhile supporters of the Illinois senator expressed outrage at what they are calling a “sell-out.” “Conferring with the Army brass and monitoring benchmarks are the Bush policies for this war,”...

Washington—In what could be her boldest move yet, Nancy Pelosi plans to sue for the Iran missile launches. The lawsuit comes after Tehran’s test of missiles that could hit the Jewish state. In their attempt to flex their muscles in a show of force, Iran’s Revolutionary Guard has only incited a fiercer, more determined opponent, Nancy Pelosi, D-CA, willing to take whatever legal measures necessary to bring down the brash regime.

Sniffer dogs trained to spot terrorists at railway stations have been blocked from coming into contact with Muslim passengers “in order to be sensitive to Islamic religious beliefs,” according to a report for the United Kingdom’s Transport Department. Under the Islamic faith, dogs are deemed to be “unclean.” It is acknowledged that banning the dogs would severely restrict the effectiveness of efforts to prevent a repeat of the July 2005 bus and railway bombings that killed over 50 people. “We realize that the knee-jerk reaction is that security must take priority over religious dogma,” said Duncan Dimsdale, spokesman for the...

TEHRAN, IRAN - The Iranian government downplayed the test firing of nine long range missiles today, claiming the devices were merely 'fireworks', and had no military value. The government asserts that the fireworks are intended purely for peaceful entertainment purposes, and that they pose no threat to other nations.

Senator John Warner (R-Virginia) suggested that Congress consider banning unnecessary automobile travel in order to help save gasoline. “In 1974, when we faced oil prices of $12 per barrel, Congress set a national 55 mph speed limit,” Warner remembered. “Studies showed that this saved 167,000 barrels of oil per day and reduced highway fatalities by an estimated 4,000 per year. Now, with oil prices more than ten-times higher we need more drastic action.” Under Warner’s proposal all non-essential automobile travel would be banned. A “Bureau of Travel Permits” would be established within the Department of Transportation and charged with determining...

Iranian Foreign Minister Manouchehr Mottaki says his government is hoping that a President Obama will reestablish a U.S. diplomatic presence in his country. “The absence of a U.S. Embassy reduces the ability of our government to effectively communicate with the U.S. government,” Mottaki asserted. “The present arrangement is no substitute for the face-to-face interaction we enjoyed when Jimmy Carter was the U.S. president.” The United States has not had a formal diplomatic presence in Iran since the embassy was overrun by Iranian “students” and the staff taken hostage in 1979. Since that time, the Swiss Embassy has represented U.S. interests...

Louisville, KY—In an attempt to fix the prices at the gas pumps, Louisville’s Attorney General, Jack Conway, and Governor Steve Beshear, have ordered the construction of Soviet-Era Gulags for punishment of those convicted of price gouging at the gas pump.

Boise, ID - For many in America the Fourth of July is about fireworks, barbeques and celebrating the pride they feel for their country. For others it's a tragic reminder that the United States has not provided them with the vast wealth they have always desired. "I don't understand why everyone uses the 4th to celebrate the good America has to offer when its policies haven't led to everyone amassing exactly as much money as they'd hoped," said waiter Jerold Payton. "Don't remind me I'm free to live the life I choose when the life I choose has not led...

In what the media are hailing as “a breath of fresh air that adds a large dollop of class to the campaign,” presidential contender Senator Barack Obama (D-Ill.) disassociated himself from supporter General Wesley Clark’s contention that Republican rival Senator John McCain’s military record should count against him. “The truth behind General Clark’s remarks is beyond question,” Obama said. “While fighting in Vietnam, McCain did bomb innocent women and children, lose his plane and get captured by the enemy. Not a sterling record, to be sure. But these mistakes occurred long long ago, when McCain was a young man. They...

Denver—With a recent move to relegate peaceful protestors beneath the Denver homeless population, Re-create 68 has now vowed that there will indeed be “a bloodbath” at the Democratic National Convention should they try to keep them fenced in. The American Civil Liberties Union and several advocacy groups have filed an amended complaint to their lawsuit, stating that their First Amendment rights have been violated by security restrictions. “What the hell do they think we are? Barnyard animals,” asked Tom Mestnik, a member of The Re-create ’68 Alliance, an umbrella group organizing the protesters. “They’re giving the homeless a free pass...

Retired General Wesley Clark has gotten into hot water for his remarks expressing doubts about John McCain's fitness to lead the nation, despite McCain's Navy service and status as a former prisoner of war. It's a good Clark has 23/6's resident PR expert to defend him: STATEMENT FROM THE WORLD'S WORST PR GUY: Ladies and gentlemen of the press, thank you for meeting me at this Captain D's Seafood Kitchen as I elaborate on the comments of my client, Wesley Clark. First off, Gen. Clark's comments were taken wildly out of context. Yes, he said, "I don't think riding in...

You too can write like a loony conspiracy theorist! Welcome to the THB Moonbat Writing Tutorial, M1. In this first lesson we will go over the style and content guidelines for writing like a true left-wing Blogger. You only need to learn a few simple rules and you can be up and howling at the moon like all your buddies! Please read each rule carefully and complete the Sample Assignments below. The Moonbat Stylebook: 1. Rage Against the Dying of the Light. Emotion is a perfectly acceptable alternative to reason. In fact, in most cases it’s preferable, because you don’t...

Massachusetts State Representative James Fagan (D-Taunton) argues that “Jessica’s Law,” which prescribes a mandatory 20-year sentence for rape of a child under 12, would force him to verbally and psychologically destroy the victims in order to free his clients. “As a defense attorney it is my obligation to use any legal means to help my client avoid a conviction,” Fagan explained. “The harsher the punishment for conviction, the more vicious I must be to try to ensure it doesn’t happen. If a 6-year-old is going to testify against my client, I’m going to rip her apart. I’m going to make...

Some European officials, speaking under conditions of anonymity, are expressing concerns that Senator Obama may become the next U.S. president. “It’s not that we don’t like Obama on a personal level,” said one source. “He is a lot like us, but that is a cause for worry. We have always counted on America. America saved us from Hitler. America deterred the Red Army from marching into Western Europe. America was there to ward off the bullies who picked on us.” “Maybe having a gauche ‘cowboy America’ to rely on is a crutch we don’t really want to part with,” said...

Harrisburg, PA—In what can only be construed as an attack on McCain’s character, Obama claimed that John McCain wasn’t an authentic American hero. The claim came the day after his speech on patriotism and Wesley Clark’s attacks on McCain. In a question and answer session with reporters, Obama remarked that patriotism was “supporting your country and your government when it deserved it.” “However,” crowed Obama, “I do not question John McCain’s patriotism, rather, I question his American hero status. I would love for someone to tell me how getting shot down and spending time as a prisoner of war makes...