Keyword: satire
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The awards and honors keep rolling in for the former US CJCS. After receiving an honorary promotion to 6 stars and a consulting job with the CCP, Milley is now to be honored with knighthood. King Charles has selected the order of Benedict Arnold for Milley's knighthood for his outstanding planning and leadership during the Afghanistan retreat. Milley said he was greatly honored to follow in the huge footsteps of Arnold. Milley's former boss, SOD Lloyd Austin, complimented Milley on the honor and hoped he could attain knighthood in the future as the first DEI selectee.
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New York City is paying $387 per day to house and feed each migrant household in taxpayer-funded shelters. Over the course of a year this amounts to $141,255 per household. The median household income in the US is $75,000. A full-time minimum-wage job pays less than $15,000. Sen. John Barrasso (R-Wyo) asked Department of Health and Human Services Secretary Xavier Becerra "why workers who have to live on less should should be taxed so much for the less than lavish accommodations being provided for illegal immigrants?" Becerra said "we aren't letting New Yorkers bear all the burden of supporting these...
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This week, the Republican National Committee (RNC) filed a lawsuit against Michigan Secretary of State Jocelyn Benson for violating the National Voter Registration Act (NVRA). The NVRA requires states to remove ineligible voters from the rolls. These ineligible voters include people who have moved or died. Failure to purge the rolls of such persons makes it easier for others to fraudulently cast ballots in the names of these persons. This marks the second time in the last three years that Benson has been sued for not cleaning up the voter rolls. A 2021 suit filed by the Public Interest Legal...
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Disappointed that his 2022 abuse of the Emergencies Act to suppress public protest against his draconian Covid restrictions was ruled unjustified by Federal Court Justice Richard Mosley, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is now pushing legislation called the Online Harms Act (Bill C-63). This law would allow the government to impose prison sentences of up to life behind bars on persons who post "hate speech" on social media. Civil liberty advocates have called the proposed law "totalitarian" and "Orwellian." George Washington University law professor Jonathan Turley asserted that "the proposed law constitutes a doubling down on Canada's totalitarian commitment to...
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On Friday, Fulton County Superior Judge Scott McAfee ruled that Fulton County District Attorney Fani Willis will be allowed to continue to persecute former President Trump and his co-defendants for trying to overturn the 2020 presidential election results in Georgia. The only condition Ms. Willis has to meet is to persuade her sex-partner Nate Wade to withdraw from the case. Judge McAfee explained that "the testimony I've heard over the past two weeks confirms that both Ms. Willis and Mr. Wade lied under oath in their attempt to conceal both the illicit affair and the fiscal impropriety of the payments...
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OTTAWA — In a groundbreaking decision that sent ripples across the geopolitical landscape, the Canadian Supreme Court has ruled that the term "Justin Trudeau" is outdated and should instead be replaced with the more inclusive term, "Person With A Vagina." The unanimous ruling asserted that using the narrow term "Justin Trudeau" fails to accurately represent the diverse spectrum exemplified by the person who currently holds the position of Prime Minister of Canada. "We must move beyond archaic labels that do not reflect the full breadth of our society and indeed the person who governs it," declared Chief Justice Richard...
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A recent New York Times/Sienna College poll showed that Trump's policies were favored by 40% of voters, who said the policies had helped them personally, compared with only 18% who said the same about Biden's policies. Additionally, 43% of voters said that Biden's policies had hurt them, almost double the percentage who said the same about Trump's policies. Sen. Chris Coons (D-Del) brushed aside these findings "because Democrats seem to have out-performed polls pretty consistently over the past few cycles in 2018, 2020, and 2022. There's no reason to expect this to change no matter how many polls show voters...
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U.S. — An attack by a cell belonging to a violent extremist group was averted last week, as terrorists decided against hijacking a plane after finding out it was made by Boeing. The hijacking, which was allegedly planned to be carried out over the weekend, was called off at the last minute after the group of terrorists behind the plot discovered the flight they were targeting was a Boeing 737, which meant everyone on board — including the terrorists — would be in serious danger. "We're not going anywhere near that deathtrap," said terrorist Abu Musab Alwani, who masterminded the...
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Incensed by the US Supreme Court's unanimous decision to disallow Colorado Secretary of State Jena Griswold's action to bar Trump from being on her state's primary ballot, Rep. Jamie Raskin (D-Md) has revived a bill that would grant the Department of Justice (DOJ) the power to declare a person guilty of insurrection and disqualify them from appearing on the ballot. "Everyone knows Trump committed insurrection," Raskin said. "We all saw him on TV urging his followers to storm the Capitol and stop Congress from counting the electoral votes that made Joe Biden the nation's lawful president. The Court overlooked this...
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Former UN Ambassador Nikki Haley says "I no longer feel bound by the promise I made to support the eventual GOP presidential nominee." She justified her reversal, saying "it was made under duress. The Republican National Committee required that all candidates sign this pledge in order to be permitted to participate in the debates. Besides, as Lenin once said when he was criticized for breaking his election promise to give the peasants land, bread, and peace--'promises are like pie crusts, made to be broken.' He went on to totally transform his country in ways never seen before." "Anyway, it is...
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NEW YORK, NY — After being viciously booed at an FDNY promotion ceremony last week, New York AG Letitia James has announced she will be issuing $355 million-dollar fines to the perpetrators. "Last week, I was cruelly assaulted and insurrected by racist Trump supporters," said the Attorney General in a statement. "Our democracy is no place for firefighters to express their displeasure with the weaponization of the justice system against their preferred candidate. I will not rest until every guilty party has been tracked down and brought to justice. With a $355 million-dollar fine. And maybe also prison. Thank you."...
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Ordinarily, such a conclusion would prompt a change in venue. However, Democrat operative Marc Elias made this observation gleefully "with a jury pool drawn from a population in which only 5% voted for Trump in the 2020 election the odds of him being found guilty regardless of any evidence are extremely favorable." Jury pool aside, Judge Tanya Chutkan, who is overseeing the case, is already on record bemoaning the fact that Trump isn't in prison. She told defendants convicted for trespassing in the Capitol on January 6, 2021 that "the people who mobbed that Capitol were there in fealty, in...
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Maricopa County Attorney Rachel Mitchell has refused the request from New York City (NYC) District Attorney Alvin Bragg that Raad Almansoori, a suspect charged with the murder of Denisse Oleas-Arancibia in the Soho 54 Hotel on February 7, be sent back to NYC. She explained that "Almansoori was already arrested for murder, but was released without bail. If I send him to Bragg he will be back on the streets of New York posing a threat to innocent lives. Here he is charged with carjacking and stabbing a woman on Feb. 17 and sexually assaulting another woman at a McDonald's...
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British High Court Judge Dame Karen Margaret Steyn ruled that former President Donald Trump's suit for damages against Orbis Business Intelligence, a consultancy founded by former MI6 officer Christopher Steele, was "likely to fail" and that "Trump is liable for the entire amount of Orbis' legal expenses." She ordered Trump to pay £300,000 as a down payment before the total costs are decided by a specialist judge. Orbis has estimated that its costs to defend against Trump's suit exceed £600,000. The dossier prepared by Steele for Hilary Clinton's unsuccessful 2016 campaign for president falsely accused Trump of engaging in sex...
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On Thursday evening President Biden gave his third State of the Union address. According to him he is doing a great job. He revived a collapsing economy and created 15 million new jobs. Made the world safer today than when he took office. Stopped the heartless Republicans from gutting Social Security and Medicare. And unified the country. Not everyone agreed with his assessment. CNN disputed the claim that Biden had rescued a collapsing economy by pointing out that the annualized fourth quarter economic growth growth rate from 2020 was 4.3%, while the annualized fourth quarter economic growth growth rate from...
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Another State of the Union address is upon us! As frightening as that may be to hear, it is important for the American people to hear from the president and find out about all the things that have been accomplished in the last year. Here are the top accomplishments Biden covered during his speech: Creation of several brand new words: This will be accomplished just during the speech itself. Finalization of the Louisiana Purchase: He will announce he hammered out the deal with Napoleon last week. The Mexico-Egypt border has been totally secured and there are no problems down there...
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WALTHAM, MA — A somber mood fell over one of the nation's foremost defense contractors this morning, as Raytheon lowered its flags to half-staff after Nikki Haley announced she was dropping out of the 2024 presidential race. The aerospace technology corporation, which had been holding out hope that the world would enter a new era of highly profitable war, destruction, and death with the onset of World War III, was devastated by this morning's news that Haley had suspended her campaign. "This is a major blow," said a Raytheon spokesperson. "We are deeply saddened by the news of Nikki Haley...
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The World Economic Forum (WEF) is urging governments to ban people from growing their own food. Klaus Schwab, founder and chairman of WEF, asserted that "the dabbling of amateurs in food production is bad for the climate. The dispersed nature of home gardens makes them hard to regulate. Abolition is the best way to eradicate this undesirable use of scarce resources." "Our goals for the masses of zero meat and dairy consumption, zero automobile ownership, a maximum of three new items of clothing per person per year, and only one short-haul flight of less than 1500 km every 3 years...
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In an appearance on ABC's "The View," psychologist and TV personality Dr. Phil asserted that "the lockdowns of schools did more harm to children than COVID ever could have. In '08, '09, smartphones became common, and kids stopped living their lives and started watching other people live their lives, and so we saw the biggest spike and the highest levels of depression, anxiety, loneliness and suicide since records have been kept. COVID hits 10 years later, and the same agencies that knew what had already happened are the agencies that shut down the schools for two years. Schools are the...
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WASHINGTON, DC — According to unnamed sources, Democrats have discreetly petitioned the Supreme Court to keep current President and presumptive Democratic nominee Joeseph Biden from appearing on the ballot in any state. "They were able to keep states from barring Trump from the ballot," Senator Chuck Schumer told reporters. "What we were wondering, I mean quietly of course, if it wouldn't be too much trouble that is, to, um, keep President Biden from being on the ballot in, say, all 50 states?" Democrats explained they still very much support the President in his bid for reelection and think he's totally...
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