Free Republic 4th Quarter Fundraising Target: $88,000 Receipts & Pledges to-date: $52,151
59%  
Woo hoo!! And we're now over 59%!! Thank you all very much!!

Keyword: satire

Brevity: Headers | « Text »
  • Dem Antics in Florida Defy Logic [semi-satire]

    11/16/2018 4:31:52 PM PST · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 Nov 2018 | John Semmens
    The Florida Democratic Party made a post-election bid to "cure" defective ballots in the hope that a court would order these ballots to be counted in contradiction to state law. Chair of the Party, Terrie Rizzo explained that "it's only after all the legally compliant votes have been counted that we know how close the election was and whether it's worth the effort to try to get non-compliant ballots counted. With Republicans holding slim leads it was our assessment that bending the rules in the hope that a friendly judge would reward our effort seemed warranted." Meanwhile, defeated Sen. Bill...
  • DC to Crack Down on "Play Dates" [semi-satire]

    11/14/2018 7:59:45 AM PST · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 11 Nov 2018 | John Semmens
    The practice of parents with similarly aged children meeting up for play dates is in the cross hairs of the DC bureaucracy. State Superintendent of Education Hanseul Kang has charged that these informal arrangements "are an illegal intrusion on turf reserved for my department. There are public institutions targeting young children and their development. Every hour wasted at some play group run by unqualified parents is an hour that could have been spent in a program run by professionals. It doesn't matter that the play dates are voluntary or that participation seemingly hurts no one. We will levy fines or...
  • Broward County Brings In Expert Consultant To Speed Up Ballot Count

    11/13/2018 6:53:29 PM PST · by Ciaphas Cain · 12 replies
    The Babylon Bee ^ | November 13, 2018
    FLORIDA—Broward County, which has had trouble meeting its legal deadlines in the counting of ballots, has now brought in a consultant to speed up the recount: counting expert Count von Count. The Count wasted no time and immediately began counting as soon as he saw the ballots. He picked up one and said, “One vote for governor, eh eh eh.” After that, he picked up a second ballot and said, “Two votes for governor, eh eh eh.” Next, he picked up a third ballot and said, “Three votes for governor, eh eh eh.” “Wow!” exclaimed Broward County official Stanley...
  • Vox Justifies Leftists Terrorizing Opponents [semi-satire]

    11/13/2018 7:18:47 AM PST · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 11 Nov 2018 | John Semmens
    Last week a loud and angry mob of Antifa activists surrounded the home of Fox News personality Tucker Carlson engaged in lengthy chanting of leftist slogans and ended up breaking the home’s front door. Tucker’s terrified wife barricaded herself inside and called the police. While most media commentators on both sides of the left-right spectrum denounced this tactic, Vox Senior Correspondent and co-founder Matthew Yglesias hailed it, saying “I think the idea behind terrorizing his family is to make them feel some of the fear that the victims of MAGA-inspired violence feel thanks to the non-stop racial incitement coming from...
  • satire:Hillary Clinton: 'The Only Crime I Ever Committed Was Stealing The Hearts Of The American Peo

    11/12/2018 2:05:14 PM PST · by OddLane · 37 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 11/12/18 | Babylon Bee
    In an interview over the weekend, Hillary Clinton continued to deny any wrongdoing in the various controversies she was involved with during her time as Secretary of State and the 2016 Democratic candidate, claiming her only crime was "stealing the hearts of the American people." The interviewer asked Clinton if she was guilty of any of the myriad accusations against her when she admitted to being "100% guilty" of being America's sweetheart. "If being an extremely likable person beloved by every true American is a crime, then lock me up!" she said, laughing. "I'm guilty on all counts! Put me...
  • In L.A. Vet Blocked from Voting [semi-satire]

    11/12/2018 7:24:31 AM PST · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 11 Nov 2018 | John Semmens
    On election day a poll monitor in a Los Angeles precinct blocked army veteran John Reader from voting because of “the symbol of hatred” on his shirt. The symbol: a US flag. “I thought displaying the flag was a general expression of patriotism, you know for our country,” Reader said. “How’s that a hate symbol?” The poll monitor who would only give his first name (Bill) asserted that “someone so ignorant as to not know that the American flag is a symbol imperialism, oppression, and hatred shouldn’t be voting in our elections. Generous person that I am, though, I offered...
  • South Park issues rare apology for 'ManBearPig' skewering of Al Gore

    11/11/2018 6:58:11 PM PST · by Behind Liberal Lines · 45 replies
    NBC News ^ | Nov. 8, 2018 / 5:10 PM EST | By Janelle Griffith
    The creators of the show “South Park” have issued a rare apology, reprising the character ManBearPig to make amends for a dis that is more than a decade old. In a 2006 episode during season 10 of the animated series, Al Gore issues a stern warning to the students of South Park Elementary School about the “single biggest threat to our planet.” He was talking about ManBearPig, a creature meant to represent climate change... “South Park” was effectively mocking the global issue at the center of “An Inconvenient Truth.” Now, 12 years later, show creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker...
  • Contrasting Abortion Decisions in Two States [semi-satire]

    11/11/2018 10:12:33 AM PST · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 11 Nov 2018 | John Semmens
    In this election abortion ballot measures appeared in two states. In West Virginia, voters approved a constitutional amendment with the following wording: “Nothing in this Constitution secures or protects a right to abortion or requires the funding of abortion.” In Oregon, voters defeated a measure that banned taxpayers funding of elective abortions. Oregon is one of 17 states that forces taxpayers to fund elective abortions. Because the state has no abortion restrictions, tax dollars pay for unborn babies to be aborted for any reason up to the moment before birth. In 2017, Gov. Kate Brown (D) signed a bill expanding...
  • Video Proves Acosta Lied [semi-satire]

    11/10/2018 7:30:34 AM PST · by John Semmens · 13 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 11 Nov 2018 | John Semmens
    This week, CNN's Jim Acosta lost his White House press pass. The events leading up to this began with his abuse of the press conference's opportunity to question President Trump live in front of multimedia. Given an opportunity to ask a question Acosta launched into a lecture about how the caravan from Guatemala was not an invasion. Trump attempted to agree to disagree, but Acosta persisted in berating him. Having gone way past a reasonable time with the microphone, Trump asked Acosta to let another member of the media have a turn. Acosta continued to rant and an intern attempted...
  • Broward County Official Defends Violating Law {semi-satire]

    11/09/2018 7:02:08 PM PST · by John Semmens · 15 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 11 Nov 2018 | John Semmens
    In the wake of closely contested races for Senator and Governor, Broward County Elections Supervisor Brenda Snipes sought to defend violating state election laws. Under state law each county is required to report the number of ballots to be counted in a timely fashion. Broward was one of the two out of 67 counties not to do so. Snipes contended that her lack of compliance with the law "was guided by a higher loyalty. It seems like every election new boxes of ballots keep being found in the darndest places. In order to ensure that these voters are not disenfranchised...
  • DC Takes Step Toward Allowing 16-Year-Olds to Vote [semi-satire]

    11/06/2018 11:04:32 AM PST · by John Semmens · 10 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 4 Nov 2018 | John Semmens
    A bill to lower the voting age to 16 for all elections, both local and federal, was approved by the Judiciary and Public Safety committee of the DC City Council by a 3-0 vote. It is now slated for a full Council vote in the very near future. Council member Charles Allen sought to rebuff critics who contend that people this young don't have enough real life experience to be informed voters. "They may still live with their parents and haven't had the burden of supporting themselves, but neither have the legions of welfare recipients who currently vote," Allen pointed...
  • Google Rejects Blackburn Ad [semi-satire]

    11/05/2018 10:42:24 AM PST · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 4 Nov 2018 | John Semmens
    The communications giant rejected a political ad from Tennessee Republican senate candidate Marsha Blackburn because “it shows Democrats in a bad light.” The ad shows Democrat mobs engaged in several incidents of violence and threats of violence. Google did not dispute the truth of the content. Google CEO Pichai Sundararajan explained that “truth is not a defense against bad manners. Pointing out some else’s faults is not the way to start a beneficial dialog. The criticized party is not usually motivated by criticism to modify his behavior in the direction desired. Rather than allow Ms. Blackburn to waste her money...
  • Dems Vow to Punish Opponents of their Warped Ideology [semi-satire]

    11/04/2018 10:36:40 AM PST · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 4 Nov 2018 | John Semmens
    In what she hopes will be a clinching argument for voters to give Democrats the majority needed to control Congress, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (Calif) vowed that “strengthening penalties against those who oppose the LGBT agenda will be a top priority.” “Our society is stained by continued resistance to the rights of the LGBT community,” Pelosi complained. “We see religious adoption agencies insisting on placing children in homes with both a mother and a father. We see schools that bar boys who see themselves as girls from using the girls locker room. We see small businesses trying to get...
  • A Sign for the Times

    11/04/2018 3:47:17 AM PST · by sodpoodle · 6 replies
    email | 11/4/2018 | Owens Funeral Home
    A sign In Vice-President Pence's home town in Indiana, in the Front Window of a Business: WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH PRESIDENT OBAMA, HILLARY CLINTON, NANCY PELOSI, HARRY REID, ALL THE ELITES OF CONGRESS, THE MASS MEDIA, AND ALL OF HOLLYWOOD THAN WITH ONE CONSERVATIVE AMERICAN!!! This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in Whiting, Indiana (V-P Pence's home town). You are probably either outraged, or saddened, or elated, depending on your political persuasion. However, we are a society which holds the Freedom of Speech, as perhaps our greatest liberty; and after all. it is...
  • O'Rourke Campaign Aides Discuss Illegal Aid to Caravan [semi-satire]

    11/03/2018 11:43:14 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 4 Nov 2018 | John Semmens
    In one of those Veritas undercover videos, Dominic Chacon, a field manager for the O'Rourke campaign in El Paso, Texas tells Anapaula Themann, a field organizer for the O'Rourke campaign, about his efforts to get supplies to the caravan from Honduras trying to make its way into the United States. "These are all potential votes for Beto," Chacon asserted. "We've got to do whatever we can to ensure that they get here by election day. They need food and water. Beto has the money to pay for these supplies. We would be letting him down if we don't get these...
  • "Experts" Say GOP Ad Featuring Cop Killer Unfair [semi-satire]

    11/02/2018 4:10:34 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 4 Nov 2018 | John Semmens
    The unveiling of a new GOP TV ad featuring Luis Bracamontes, an illegal immigrant who was convicted of killing two California deputies in 2014, was declared "unfair" by what the media described as numerous "experts." Arizona State University professor Kim Fridkin called it a "scare tactic. Just because some immigrants are murderers doesn't mean we shouldn't let them in. After all, some native born Americans are murderers. Does this mean we should kick them out? I think we ought to pay heed to the wisdom of Forrest Gump. A caravan of immigrants is like a box of chocolates—you never know...
  • Leftists Express their Ideas on Religious Tolerance [semi-satire]

    10/31/2018 10:25:29 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 28 Oct 2018 | John Semmens
    In a speech at a Democratic National Convention event in Philadelphia sponsored by the Boycott, Divest and Sanctions (BDS) movement, the House Armed Services Committee member Rep. Hank Johnson (D-Ga) compared Jewish residents of Judea and Samaria to “termites.” In New York City, posters calling Christian supporters of President Trump “trash” began appearing attached to city litter baskets. Vito Turo, a spokesman for the city’s Department of Sanitation, hastened to reassure city residents that “we do not condone the unlawful defacement of City litter baskets and have asked the artist who designed these posters to submit them for review and...
  • Cash Giveaways to Fight Poverty [semi-satire]

    10/30/2018 11:29:08 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 28 Oct 2018 | John Semmens
    Declaring that “it is unfair that whites have more money than minorities,” Sen. Cory (Spartacus) Booker (D-NJ) has concocted a plan to hand wads of cash to “deserving black kids.” Dubbing these giveaways “opportunity accounts,” Booker boasted that “there’s no telling what these young people are capable of doing if only they had the money to do it.” Under Booker’s scheme minority youths would be eligible for “no strings grants of up to $50,000 they could use for wealth-building purposes. Most of the investment opportunities in the ghetto require cash. We’ll be giving these youngsters cash they could use to...
  • [satire] CNN Criticizes President Trump For Not Taking Full Responsibility For World War II

    10/28/2018 11:40:10 AM PDT · by gattaca · 37 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | October 25, 2018 | Babylon Bee
    <p>WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a special report Thursday, CNN's Jim Acosta took President Trump to task for failing to take any responsibility for causing World War II.</p> <p>The president was criticized for not acknowledging that his rhetoric may have contributed to the conflict that spilled out across the globe in the late 1930s. While some historians acknowledge that there may have been other factors—like the Treaty of Versailles, the expansionist Japanese Empire, and a certain German fascist—a large swathe of liberal scholarship has now pinned the war squarely on Donald Trump.</p>
  • A Few ‘Not Crazy Democrats’ Make Appeal to Voters [semi-satire]

    10/28/2018 10:47:16 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 28 Oct 2018 | John Semmens
    With polls showing a close race with her Republican challenger Josh Hawley, Sen. Claire McCaskill (D-Mo) launched a campaign ad aimed at persuading voters that she is “not one of those crazy Democrats. If you look carefully at my record you’ll see that I am a sane Democrat. I haven’t claimed I’m an Indian. I haven’t urged mobs to harass Republicans in public places. And I definitely am not Spartacus.” “Sure, there’s been a little bit of self-dealing on behalf of my husband, some tax evasion and eviction of a few disabled vets from one of our properties,” the Senator...