Free Republic
Browse · Search
Bloggers & Personal
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

Jill Says Joe Will Win Reelection [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 7 April 2024 | John Semmens

Posted on 04/09/2024 10:36:00 AM PDT by John Semmens

In an interview on "CBS Mornings," First Lady Jill Biden dismissed polls showing her husband losing to Trump because "the polls do not account for the millions of ballots we already have in storage. This is the strategy that worked for us in 2020 and it will work again."

She also pointed out that "new voter registrations are significantly out-pacing population totals in many states. Federal law forbids states from requiring people to prove they are citizens before registering them to vote. All they are allowed to do is ask if they are. If the applicant says yes the state must register them."

CBS Mornings Co-host Tony Dokoupil asked "what about Aaron Strauss' warning that unregistered voters strongly favor Trump? How do you deal with that?"

"There's a box on the registration form for Party," Jill reminded him. "If the box for Republican is checked we simply discard that registration after the person goes away. The person will never receive a mail ballot nor will their name be on the books at the polling place. These enemies of democracy will be covertly disenfranchised before they can ever cast a ballot for a Republican."

The First Lady concluded by saying "the most important thing, though, is that as a very wise man once observed 'those who vote decide nothing. Those who count the votes decide everything.' Democrats controlled the counting in critical cities and counties during the last two election cycles. Polls that predicted a 'red wave' were thwarted by the diligent efforts of partisans of democracy. This cycle will prove just as frustrating to the Republicans as the previous two."

In related news, in anticipation of a possible freak occurrence resulting in a Trump win, the Biden Administration has implemented changes in federal personnel rules that will make it harder for employees to be fired or laid off. Office of Personnel Management (OPM) Director Kiran Ahuja explained "the revised rules are about making sure the American public can continue to count on federal workers to apply their skills and expertise in carrying out their jobs without undue interference from a subsequent change in the Party that controls the executive branch."

If you missed any of the other Semi-News/Semi-Satire posts you can find them at...

https://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php/topic,528893.0.html


TOPICS: Government; Humor; Politics
KEYWORDS: ballotsinstorage; polls; postandrun; satire; selfpromotion; youngvoters

1 posted on 04/09/2024 10:36:00 AM PDT by John Semmens
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: John Semmens

Jill the new Nancy ?


2 posted on 04/09/2024 10:37:20 AM PDT by butlerweave
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: John Semmens
"the polls do not account for the millions of ballots we already have in storage. This is the strategy that worked for us in 2020 and it will work again."

Did she really say that?

3 posted on 04/09/2024 10:40:01 AM PDT by mikey_hates_everything
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: mikey_hates_everything

Ok, never mind...


4 posted on 04/09/2024 10:40:30 AM PDT by mikey_hates_everything
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: John Semmens

this election is a 50/50 jump ball. Trump is slightly ahead but the black vote and youth vote will go home to Biden in the fall.


5 posted on 04/09/2024 10:42:45 AM PDT by nbenyo
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: John Semmens

America misses $1.80/gal, no inflation, wars, or border invasions.


6 posted on 04/09/2024 10:42:52 AM PDT by bray (You can tell who the Commies fear.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: mikey_hates_everything
LOL!

This is how ballots appeared in 2020


This will be 2024


7 posted on 04/09/2024 10:51:25 AM PDT by z3n (Kakistocracy)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: John Semmens

Of course he’ll win. That’s what election fraud is all about. 🙄


8 posted on 04/09/2024 11:24:27 AM PDT by Georgia Girl 2 (The only purpose of a pistol is to fight your way back to the rifle you should never have dropped)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Georgia Girl 2

Finally, an impartial, and non-partisan election prediction./s


9 posted on 04/09/2024 11:26:43 AM PDT by volare737 (Diversity is something to be overcome, not celebrated.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8 | View Replies]

To: John Semmens

One person’s dream is another’s nightmare.


10 posted on 04/09/2024 11:45:29 AM PDT by Belteshazzar
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Belteshazzar

I have to wonder about election fraud as the day comes when the sheep are separated from the goats. Well, not that much because many of us already know what the result will be for those who don’t repent of such an act.


11 posted on 04/09/2024 3:01:14 PM PDT by oldtech
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 10 | View Replies]

To: Belteshazzar

I have to wonder about election fraud as the day comes when the sheep are separated from the goats. Well, not that much because many of us already know what the result will be for those who don’t repent of such an act.


12 posted on 04/09/2024 3:01:26 PM PDT by oldtech
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 10 | View Replies]

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
Bloggers & Personal
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson