Posted on 09/16/2005 5:41:08 AM PDT by BJClinton
Sweet! It's Friday. At least, that's what my desktop calender say. Time to crack open an e-Beer, or a real one if you're at home...or have a lenient boss...or you're just going "Office Space" on us. Anyhow, get yer silly on!
NB450
Dang, I have to wait 13 minutes to crack open my first looted Heinekin!
Daun ENG has introduced its new ‘pet dry room’ (DOGGIE MICROWAVE) at FCI Seoul International Dog show. Infrared radiation helps to dry the skin fast and protect the skin from rashes(WHILE HEATING EVENLY FOR THAT FRESH FROM THE OVEN CRUNCH)
Q: Did you hear what UT coach Phillip Fulmer got on his S.A.T. exam?
A: Drool
(Go Gators!)
Woo Hoo! It's Friday!!!
An Irishman was drinking at the pub all night.
The bartender came up to him and told him that the bar was closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face.
He tried to stand up one more time with the same result. So he figured he'd just crawl outside, hang out for a while, get some fresh air and hopefully that would sober him up.
Once outside he stood up and fell again right on his face.
So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home and when he arrived at the door he tried one more time with the same results.
Exhausted, he then gave up and started crawling to the bedroom.
When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up.
This time he managed to pull himself upright but he quickly fell right into the bed and fell sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.
The next morning, he woke up with his wife standing over him shouting at him.
"So, you've been out drinking again!!"
"What makes you say that?" He asked as he put on an innocent look.
"The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again."
That's some frog you have there.
Q: How do you make a media hormone?
A: Take away the cameras and microphones!
KNIGHTS: Camelot! 
ARTHUR: No, on second thought, let's not go to Camelot.
KNIGHTS: Right!
ARTHUR: It is a silly place.
The Plan! You gotta love Robin Williams...... Even if he's nuts! Leave it to Robin Williams to come up with the perfect plan. What we need now is for our UN Ambassador to stand up and repeat this message.
Robin Williams' plan...(Hard to argue with this logic!)
"I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for peace. So, here's one plan."
1) "The US will apologize to the world for our "interference" in their affairs, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those 'good ole boys', we will never "interfere" again.
2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea, the Middle East, and the Philippines. They don't want us there. We would station troops at our borders. No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence.
3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of whom or where they are. They're illegal!!! France will welcome them.
4) All future visitors will be tho- roughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit!!!! No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.
5) No foreign "students" over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a "D" and it's back home baby.
6) The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while.
7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go some place else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)
8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not "interfere." They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them are stolen or given to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything.
9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island some place. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.
10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer. The Language we speak is ENGLISH...learn it...or LEAVE...Now, isn't that a winner of a plan?
"The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying 'Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'you want a piece of me?' "
I particulary like the "VOTE DEMOCRAT" bumper sticker almost out of view.
"Vell", says Ole, "Lena and I, ve vent over der to the Safeway and got some things for our dinner, and now ve yust going over to the drugstore for our pills..."
"OLE!" says the cop, "Lena fell out four blocks back!!" "Oh, tank God" said Ole, "I tot I vas goin' deaf!"
Robin Williams' Peace Plan
Claim: Comedian Robin Williams came up with a plan for how the U.S. should handle foreign affairs.
Status: False.
Example: [Collected via e-mail, 2003]
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Hey!! There's nothing funny about the return of the NHL!!! |
My coworkers are starting to peek over the cubical walls.
*choke*
*snort*
*muffled laughter*
Opps forgot link..
http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/williams.asp
The only thing I'd change is # 2 to include religious, social, medical, and any other aide group/society members from the US along with any type of US military.
Other than that; it's about perfect.
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