The Homes of the Suburb - Of Freshly Cut Grass and Barbeques

4.26.2008 | 5tealth

[5tealth]

The modernized America we know today is largely dominated by suburbs, the perfect mix of city and ranch, commonly on the outskirts of cities. Its not the stacked to Timbuktu apartments like in New York, Kansas City, and Chicago, but its not the "home on the range" sort of thing. We know the modern suburb as nicely assorted houses, separated by lush, thick, dark green lawns, that are neatly cut every weekend. We know them with the smell of barbeque every Sunday after the residents have come home from Church. Its these modern American paradises that house the factory-workers, the office workers, and the firemen. Policemen, doctors, and all of the other professions kids dream of being while they're in kindergarten and pre-school. Behind these excellently spaced houses owned individually by the owner, are squares of perfectly assorted segments of land that comes with the housing, commonly known as "the backyard". Next to the housing unit in the "backyard" is a nicely squared, nicely placed wooden or concrete patio, complete with chalk left out by the kids with a hop-scotch playing field drawn, and a common circular grill which is commonly used by the father of a family, as I mentioned every Sunday after Church.

The lawn is a precisely cut piece of work, that gives the housing unit (front yard, home, and backyard) a farm-like feel, because it gives the father (and sons sometimes) of the typical suburban family something to do on Sundays while all the stores around their paradise are closed. The main crop of this farm is grass, which comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes. Complete with all-natural weeds that give the residents something to get worried over. The common kinds of grass on their lawns are Mixtures. The other kind is Blends. HowStuffWorks writes, "Mixtures are combinations of different types of grass. The various species all have different strengths and weaknesses, so collectively they hold up to just about anything. Blends are combinations of different varieties of the same type of grass. Blends are not as adaptable as mixtures, but they are generally more attractive because of their uniformity." Its these facts that the residents of the suburban paradise have to keep in mind while selecting their grass seed about every year.

The grill is located in the backyard usually on the patio. It gives the father some way to cook while the mother kicks him out of the kitchen. Or a reason to invite all of his other suburban friends over to have whats called a "Barbeque". Barbeque is the type of food they usually produce from this ritual, along with hotdogs and some hamburgers. The grill is usually spherical and opens up around the middle, revealing a floor with metal bars at about the middle of the sphere. Under which you put charcoal to cook the food. Some grills are cyndrical but work in the same common way.

This all things we commonly expect about the Suburb. But many things have changed since the '50s when this would have been taking place. For one thing, stores are all open on Sundays, so barbeques don't really take place. And the teenage punky emo kid who listens to all sorts of loud music and is out drinking and driving at the same time. The common lawn is left unattended a lot, and grows out of proportion. A communistic "Home Owners Association" has formed in almost every modern suburb community, and tries to control it's residents with unlawful power and driven by it's great corruption, it usually succeeds in doing so. Commonly in 21 century suburbs of today, BB Guns are prohibited outside houses. That means kids resort to rap and sagging their pants down and turn their hats sideways and play basketball. JUST LOOK OUTSIDE! Almost every house that has a kid inside of it has a basketball goal outside. Theres nothing wrong with basketball, its just the kinds of people who support it now. Rappers, gangsters, and the regular homie that comes from the "ghetto", or the neglected suburb developed in the late '60s.

Face it guys, the suburb needs some serious revival medicine. It used to be a paradise, and now its a hell.

[Larry Lucido]

You were banned from truegalaxies.com?? After one month????

http://www.truegalaxies.com/forums/member.php?u=17631

[Ditto]

Gas prices going up will bring an end to Suburban living.

I grew up in the city but have lived and worked in the "Suburbs" for over 30 years now. Even with high gas prices now, what I spend on gas every day is less that a cup of Starbucks coffee.

City living? Ben there, done that. I ain't going back.

[5tealth]

lol yeah I was there, I was 5tealth, and alas, I was banned.

I loved being there, I bought the full version of the game to play on the server when it came out, but then I was banned because I noticed “corruption” in some of the moderators like Nom-Anor and they banned me. They also banned me for political reasons. Like slandering Global Warming on their forums.

It was never for me if I cannot speak my mind, because I am a free soul, a conservative at heart, and wherever conservatives are shut out, I will be there standing next to them.

[Skooz]

Nice.

Now tell me how to get rid of the moles who are devouring my lawn.

[Larry Lucido]

They also banned me for political reasons. Like slandering Global Warming on their forums.

Okay, I like you now. Welcome.

[5tealth]

you get one of those traps that has the spiky box thing that can go into the ground and set it right on the mole hill after you cave it in. The mole will come try to fix it and SHINK! hes dead, or injured. In which case you dispose of him.

[Ditto]

Now tell me how to get rid of the moles who are devouring my lawn.

Got rid of mine when I got a nice little mutt from the pound. She would flush them and I would whack them with a shovel.

We made a great team. It was great fun for both of us.

[txhurl]

Shink?

[5tealth]

yup. its the sound the trapping/killing mechanism makes when in the climax of operation. in other words; SHINK!