Posted on 11/05/2008 7:32:29 PM PST by According2RecentPollsAirIsGood
First of all, please forgive yet another vanity in a time when there isn't a bonfire big enough to consume all the ones so far.
I consider the people here on FreeRepublic to be some of the most intelligent and also just downright decent people I know. Thus I feel I can trust your thoughtful opinions on most things. I'm still kind of young (24), and there's a lot I don't know about life. Right now, I need some relationship advice.
I have a girlfriend right now who I deeply love. We met online through another message board, and have known each other for several years as friends. A little less than a year ago, I met her for the first time in person (she lives in upstate NY, I'm in Texas) as a friend, we kind of hit it off after that, met up again later in June, and became an official couple. Things have been going extremely well so far, we see each other a lot, and we both very much love each other. I've even thought about asking her to marry me someday assuming everything continues to go well and any major hiccups are resolvable.
One of the reasons I think we've done so well so far are that we early on (before we started dating) found out that we agreed on a lot of major things that are important to a relationship. First of all, she is believing, church-going Christian (Methodist) as am I (Lutheran). I've dated non-believers before and the relationship has worked out very badly both times, thus, faith has become a very important quality to me. We also agree on abstinence until marriage, an extremely rare quality amongst young people nowadays, and that has put both her and my mind at much greater ease as we go along.
In addition, we get along very well together and have quite a few similar interests. We both have the open mind, resourcefulness, and will to make a long distance relationship work for now until we can get closer to each other. And her parents adore me. They're dairy farmers and as such are down-to-earth, genuine people, and they've instilled that in her as well. I've never had so many things going right with someone before.
Ok, sorry for all the lengthy background. The following is why I'm writing this. In obvious contrast to me, my girlfriend is adamantly anti-political. She thinks politics is depressing, she doesn't care for anyone on either side, and she avoids discussing it like the plague. Honestly, I thought I could deal with that. It is depressing, after all, and almost nobody on either side is worth a damn. A while back she let slip that she was undecided who to vote for in this election. Since then I've sporadically tried to point out the reasons to not vote for Obama, even if McCain does suck. I've tried to relay how his policies are going to personally affect both my family and hers. I even suggested that if she just didn't care, she probably shouldn't vote. I became extremely worried as election day approached.
Well, I called her yesterday, and she told me that she did indeed vote. So I asked her for whom because I'd been really wanting to know. She wouldn't tell me. I told her it was important to me, but she still refused. I think it's fairly obvious what that means.
Personally, I'm devastated by this election. I feel like I don't live in the same country anymore. I see a bleak future for anyone who wants to be successful. She, on the other hand, isn't really bothered. She didn't think her vote mattered anyways (it didn't, NY). As she's told me, she just doesn't consider politics an important part of her life and thinks everything's crappy and depressing regardless of who's in power.
She has utter apathy towards it all, and I think yesterday her vote was one of sheer ignorance. You know people like that. They don't realize that the few things they do hear in the news are abject lies. They may be decent people who, if they actually knew a tenth of what someone stood for, would not even consider voting for them. I mean, from what I've mentioned above, I think most of her core values are fairly conservative even if she may not make that connection. I think she's just naive and probably got duped. Her intractability on talking about these things, though, is probably going to make it hard for me to make headway.
So I'm very confused what to think. I was praying really hard she'd vote the right way, and I now I feel sick to my stomach. I love her greatly, and I worry that as I see the awful things planned for this country become reality that I'm going unwillingly connect her with them. I'm trying to chalk it up to apathetic ignorance on her part (which I think it is), but I don't know if that will always keep me placated.
I also will admit that I really don't want to have to face everything alone if it's going to eventually be as bad as we think it is.
Geez, I'm sorry for the long post. I've just been really worked up.
So I'm just asking for some help in figuring things out. I would appreciate if people would refrain from throwaway responses like "just get rid of her" or "get over it" or "suck it up." If anyone is married to someone who doesn't have the same beliefs as they do, I'd be interested in how you make things work. Or if you know people like my girlfriend and have advice on how to gently educate her more about our side. Or if you think I don't need to make a big deal of it, let me know. And if so, what are some ways to cope with it or ignore it or keep it from festering in my mind or what? Or just anything you have to say. I love her, and even after hearing my full out despondency last night, she still says she loves me. I need to sort myself out.
Have you considered calling Dr Laura on this one?
Hey, first act like a man, don’t be a whiner, OK? We don’t like whiners ....
Secondly, it’s good to vent. Perhaps there are people here that can offer good advice ... I can’t. In a guy the first thing I look at is his eyes, then his mouth. If both of them don’t smile, well .....
If you do believe that her vote for Obama was out of ignorance then I believe that your influence after you marry will change that.
However, if you are passionate about politics and feel that you must share it with your spouse, then it may be a good idea to have a sit down with her and explain this. If she loves you and understands and agrees to at least appear mildly interested while you express your passion, then you have a keeper.
If it turns her off so bad that she breaks up, then you have discovered an incurable flaw in your relationship. Move on and find a young Ann Coulter. (and one not so skinny;^)
I did NOT need to see that bald headed idiot. All he needs are horns and he is the anti-Christ.
Her churches are liberal compared with yours, if so. She will still know a fair amount about the Bible, but understand her denomination, especially if she is United Methodist, has come extremely close to approving gay ministers. Read up on it. I expect the United Methodists, from their multiple attempts to pass this internal allowance, will flip to gay ministers within the next couple years.
She has been exposed to stuff that prevents her from truly believing in absolutes when it comes to the Bible. As a result, touchy-feely things will trump logic (Scripture).
This can be worked on over time, though. Also, long-distance relationships from meeting on the internet can work, as I know more than six relationships having initially met from long distances (most from different countries) and seeding very well (not a hint of divorce from any, yet).
You need to tell her how important this is to you, if she truly doesn't otherwise care.
Find out what her view on abortion is, or ask her if she believes any religion except Christianity can make it to Heaven. This will help you know how bad you've got it with her.
I hope for the best with you. Stay pure until marriage, too.
I appreciate your problem. It must be quite disappointing.
But, I think the best thing you can do right now is nothing — give it time. Don’t press your girlfriend on the subject, or try to educate her — later, over time it may be possible, but if you press it now, you may end up damaging a relationship, which could potentially blossom into something later.
Right now you are upset over the election, as are many of us who understand the magnitude of the disaster.
Don’t let your girlfriend’s lack of political understanding add to your concerns.
Just go on and talk about all the other things you talk about, do the things you usually do together, appreciate everything you have in common, avoid politics for a while, then later, in a few months, you can share some points, values, explanations with her on occasion, educating her why she should care.
But, as I said, this is not the time — just get yourself distracted from politics for a while, then time will tell how things will work out, you both have time, no need for major decisions either way.
Best wishes and good luck!
Yeah, a romance novel. I'm not trying to be a cop here but at what point do we call someone out and help them become a more sophisticated FReeper.
I ask you forgive my typos in advance since I am typing from my phone. My hubby was a flaming Klintoon Koolaid drinker when we met almost ten yrs ago. We’ve been married 4 years and discuss politics- we disagree on some things but he at least pays more attention than he used to.
Can’t go into great detail now - phone is hard to type on - but take heart; it can work.
You need to ask yourself how important it is to you to love and marry someone who has a different worldview than you do. It sounds like your are both young, so her opinions may not be fully formed yet, and you can influence her. But if her decision was not fully and thoroughly thought through, you shouldn’t hold it against her. But only you can determine whether or not this issue is something that is a deal killer or not in regards to a permanent relationship. If this is someone you can’t feel comfortable with with these matters, you really need to explore your feeling and come to your own conclusions about it before you make any big jump. Remember though, you can’t control other people, you can’t change other people, only you. You can also love someone who has a different world view, but that doesn’t mean you should make a committment for life to them if it makes you unhappy.
Hope that helps.
I’m pretty sure she is pro-life. You’re right, a lot of people have been fooled. Hopefully, that will be temporary. And yeah, I am staying away from people I know are going to piss me off. Maybe that will keep calm me down. Thanks for your honest opinion.
He’s young. He’s in love. He’s confused. He’s one of us and he’s asking for our help.
I say we give it to him if we can.
Hmmmmmmm.........have you told her that this bothers you? If you cannot communicate openly now, it likely won’t get better.
I think I’d try to, in person, have a heart-to-heart about how important this is to you. If she is apathetic and admittedly uninformed, ask her if she would accept your educating her.
I would lead with the faith that you share since much of politics today is spiritually connected inasmuch as it involves morality, etc.
Help her to understand that individual political decisions are intricately entwined with one’s faith. If her faith is as you say, she may be open to hear you out.
This is a good post. The guy is looking for advice from like-minded people.
I’m married to a liberal-leaning lady.
It’s often very hard to discuss anything political without it turning into a fight. Neither of us was adamant about politics when we met, but Bill Clinton awakened my conservative nature, led me to Free Republic and made me realize how screwed up the perception of conservatism in this country is in popular culture.
I deal with the situation by avoiding discussing politics for the most part which sometimes bothers her, but when we do discuss politics I just get very upset.
It’s not easy so I would suggest getting it out in the open before you commit. You can definitely make it work but you have to know where you stand. I’m bothered by her not telling you her leanings. I suspect that’s a bad thing. Not that she would be a liberal-but that she’s holding back on something important to your peace of mind.
It all depends on what matters the most to you.
If you want to connect on the deepest level, and share the things that are the most important to you, then maybe you can’t with her. It depends on how important your political/worldview is to you.
I personally think the human race is about to be extinct in a few years, probably from nukes, and I know I would not be happy living with somebody who thought the future was all roses. I wouldn’t be able to share my deeper feelings and thoughts.
In order for a relationship to work for the long haul, you have to love each other plus be good friends. Most of your values should be the same. Finally, you have to be able to write things off/overlook things/save being critical for the big things, because no relationship will ever be perfect.
Good luck!
Second: the purpose of marriage is for husband and wife to help each other in their Christian walk and to rear children for whom they provide the first church and the first proclamation of the Love of God in Jesus Christ. If you and your friend reasonable think you can do that, including providing a model for yourselves and your children of two people loving one another while they disagree, then go ahead and marry her. If not, then don't.
She’s three years older than me and currently finishing up her Masters while working on her family farm.
Does one exist anymore? My dear, once conservative, LCMS is racing down the liberal road as fast as the liberal synod president can drive.
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