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Posted on 03/31/2011 9:31:17 PM PDT by JustAmy
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Glad lonestar had fun.
.WHAT!???
You mean they wouldn’t understand about a dog who uses the internet and resides at Rainbow Brridge...and once ran for Governor of California?
If they only knew how clever you are, Weinie!
Great to hear lonestar had a good time!
Weinie!
Sorry to hear you lost out on the get together. Tell you what, one of these days you just come here, (just you cause you lost out), and I’ll take you to the car club meetings, and the cook outs, and the chance to ride with the windows down, and we’ll howl out some good old rock tunes on the highway together, two old dogs as it were!
Easter is not about brightly colored eggs, wearing pastels, or enjoying a big meal, although it could include these. Easter is about the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.
For some, Easter will be a great day, spent surrounded by family and friends. But for others, it will be a sad day, because Easter is a reminder of a loved one who has died and is now desperately missed.
Death seems so cruel, so harsh, and so final. That is what the disciples were feeling when they saw their Lord, whom they had left everything to follow, hanging on the cross. They were devastated. Death had crushed them. But if they would have gone back in their memories, they would have recalled an important event and statement Jesus had made.
They would have remembered Jesus standing at the tomb of his close friend Lazarus. They would have remembered that Jesus did something completely unexpected: He wept (see John 11:35). Jesus wept, because He knew that death was not part of God's original plan. Humanity was not meant to grow old, to suffer with disease, or to die. But because of the sin of Adam and Eve, sin entered the human race, and death followed with it. And death spread to all of us. Jesus wept, because it broke His heart.
But standing there at Lazarus’ tomb, Jesus also delivered these hope-filled words: “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live” (John 11:25). Death is not the end. And the resurrection of Jesus Christ proves it.
If you have put your faith in Christ,and accepted Him as your Lord and Savior then Easter means that you will live forever in the presence of God.
I was thinking of the both of you a day or so ago. Wondered what you did about the hotel you had made reservations for and had forgotten which one???
So glad you enjoyed your trip, lonestar, and I bet you did tell them about Weinie!! (Well, on the other hand they may have thought you were crazy.) Glad you’re back safe and sound!
Thank you for the very pretty purple graphic and words, ladies.
Your tulip graphics yesterday were so pretty, Meg.
Conor, your daffodils were just gorgeous yesterday. The solid whites looks as if they are bowing their heads for the Easter celebration! I think you may have a green thumb!
Thank you, jaycee. :-)
Hugs to the both of you!
I guess ‘most of you’ who have made so many pretty openings, its possible to forget one occasionally. I loved the colors so much.
Hugs Back!
Lamh Foistenach Abu!
Hi Lori.
Not around much the past couple of weeks.
You made that lovely graphic in March of ‘08. It is great to have an archive of wonderful Opening Graphics.
Thank you for ALL of your contributions.
I am joining a gym/fitness center with a friend and we are going to pledge to actually use it at least three days a week. They have great programs for people with health problems. Having COPD requires that I approach exercise a little differently and I have decided I need professional guidance with this. Up until now I have not considered exercise at all because I didn't think I could do anything. We will see how this goes. :-)
Lori, I just got this in my email from my DIL, and I laughed so hard I had tears running down my face:
A WOMAN’S WEEK AT THE GYM
If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you.
This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.
Dear Diary, For my birthday this year, I purchased a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 year years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26 year old aerobics instructor and a model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started !
The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
___________________________________________________
MONDAY
________
Started my day at 6:00am. Though to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god— with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile.WOO HOO!!
Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines...
I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very Inspiring !
Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-up, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
___________________________________________________
TUESDAY:
_________
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It’s a whole new life for me.
____________________________________________________
WEDNESDAY:
____________
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it.
I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERRY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the h*ll would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators ?! Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other sh*t too.
______________________________________________________
THURSDAY:
___________
A**hole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn’t help being a half an hour late—it took me to work out with dumbbells.
When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny b*tch to find me. Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine— which I sank.
________________________________________________________
FRIDAY:
__________
I hate that b*stard Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinney, anemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move wothout unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don’t have any triceps!
And if you don’t want dents in the floor, don’t hand me the damn barbells or anything that weight more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.
Why couldn’t it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
_________________________________________________________
SATERDAY:
__________
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the srenght to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel...
__________________________________________________________
SUNDAY:
________
I’m having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-—like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God'
The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?'
Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'
'Yes,' the class said.
'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'
A little fellow shouted, 'Cause your feet ain't empty.'
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'
What a coincidence! My gym experience has started out almost exactly the same. Our guide/trainer this morning was a cute little buff guy named Eric, I think. His sexy European accent distracted me from paying attention to minor details, LOL. Eric truly acted like he had nothing more important to do than show us around his domain and answer all our questions, and even laugh at our cute little jokes about how tortuous the equipment looked - as if he hasn't heard them all! He showed us around all the pool, the track and the classrooms and explained all the equipment. Eric did a fabulous job making this whole experience look like it is going to be just tons of fun. However, the people actually using the equipment weren't all smiling, so we'll see. LOL!
One thing I am not too sure about is whether or not Eric is going to be our trainer after we join. He mentioned something about someone named Egor. This concerns me. ;-)
I actually had tears running down my face, visualizing those days “with a personal trainer”! And when you posted you were going to get a trainer - I had no choice but to post that little piece!
Just remember Jack LaLanne - he spent 96 years excercising and juicing - and STILL died. ROTF!!!
A long-time retired, elderly couple were married for over sixty years. Although the man and women were not poor, they were far from being rich. They managed to get comfortably by skimping and watching their pennies.
The elderly man and women were both in excellent health for their age, mainly because of the wife’s insistence on healthy foods and exercise since their sixties.
As fate would have it, the couples excellent health didn’t help a bit when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed.
Being the good, honest couple, they wound up in Heaven.
When man and woman reached the pearly gates, they got a welcome from St. Peter who escorted them inside Paradise. First, St. Peter took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath.
A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet. The couple gasped in astonishment while St. Peter said, “Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.”
The old man asked how much money all this luxury was going to cost.
“How much? Of course, nothing,” replied St. Peter. ‘You have earned this by being good during your lives and this is your reward: Heaven with all its blessings and luxuries.”’
The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth.
“I love golf but how much for the greens fee?” asked the old man. “I couldn’t afford to play much more than twice a year on Earth.”
“Remember, this is Heaven,” emphasized St. Peter. “Play as much as you want and every time you golf you get it for free — always on the house, in other words.”
Soon they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood, lamb chops, steaks, exotic deserts, free flowing beverages and all the over 200 varieties of wine.
“Don’t even ask,” said St. Peter to the man. “This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy”
The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife. “Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?” the old man queried.
“This will amaze you, more than the fact everything is free,” stated St. Peter with a smile on his face. “You can eat as much food and drink wine as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat, sick, or really drunk. This is Heaven!’
The old man was still not totally satisfied, “No gym to work out at?”
Not unless you actually want to exercise for the fun of it,’ was the answer.
“No testing my sugar or blood pressure or all the other tests my wife has asked me to do over the last twenty years or so.”
“Never again,” said St. Peter. “All you do here is enjoy yourself.”
At this point, the elderly man glared at his wife and uttered, “You and your “effing” bran muffins and all the other healthy stuff. We could have been here fifteen years ago!”
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