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Posted on 04/30/2011 10:02:07 PM PDT by JustAmy
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LOL!
LOVE IT!!!!! LOL!
AMEN! And its nothing Obama did, either. I don’t want him to be a hero here! I’ve never heard him utter Osama’s name and we know he won’t say terrorist!
Our grand and wonderful U.S. Military got him!
teehee........so funnnnnnnnnny!
OH HAPPY DAY!
I am so grateful to those brave heroes who did this operation.
This is one time I will listen to Zero..I still can’t bear to look at the TV.
Bin Laden was living the good life I heard in a mansion outside of Islamabad..GAG
I can’t watch the fake president. I’ll have to take someone else’s word for what he crows about.
We can now celebrate that OBL is finally dead. Bet he’s disappointed in those virgins! *grin*
PUNS FOR THE EDUCATED
1. King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, “I’ll give you 100,000 dinars for it.” “But I paid a million dinars for it,” the King protested. “Don’t you know who
I am? I am the king!” Croesus replied, “When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are.”
2. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were
avid bowlers. Unfortunately, all the Swiss league records were destroyed in a fire, ...and so we’ll never know For whom the Tells bowled.
3. A man rushed into a busy doctor’s office and shouted, “Doctor!
I think I’m shrinking!” The doctor calmly responded, “Now, settle down. You’ll just have to be a little patient.”
4. Back in the 1800’s the Tate’s Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products, and since they already made the cases for watches, they used them to produce compasses. The new compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is the origin of
the expression — He who has a Tate’s is lost!
5. A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the
toilets and urinals, leaving no clues. A spokesperson was quoted
as saying, “We have absolutely nothing to go on.”
6. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, “The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on.”
7. A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and
found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted
on complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, “I must have taken Leif off my census.”
8. There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deerskin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin.
All three became pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy.
The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This
just goes to prove that... The squaw of the hippopotamus is equal
to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides. (Some of you
may need help with this one.)
9. A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal Brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the Brujo looked him in the eye and said, “Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don’t need enemas.”
10. A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day, his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with:
Transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
“America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves.”
Abraham Lincoln
This one is a little different… two different versions… two different morals
OLD VERSION
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away..
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!
MODERN VERSION
The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving.
CBS, NBC , PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast.
How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when the y sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green.'
ACORN stages a demonstration in front of the ant’s house where the news stations film the group singing, “We shall overcome.” Then Rev. Jeremiah Wright has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.
President Obama condemns the ant and blames President Bush, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the Pope for the grasshopper's plight. Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.
Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.
The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government Green Czar and given to the grasshopper.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn’t maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.
The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the ramshackle, once prosperous and once peaceful, neighborhood.
The entire Nation collapses bringing the rest of the free world with it.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote in 2010.
Good one, Luv.
Bless our troops, Dear Lord.
Amen.
A man called his mother in Florida. “Mom, how are you?”
“Not too good,” said the mother. “I’ve been very weak.”
The son said, “Why are you so weak?”
She said, “Because I haven’t eaten in 38 days.”
The man said, “That’s terrible. Why haven’t you eaten in 38 days?”
The mother answers, “Because I didn’t want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call.”
Have you ever felt overwhelmed by rules and expectations? Think of how the Jewish people must have felt as they tried to keep up with more than 600 rules from the Old Testament and many more that had been imposed on them by the religious leaders of their day. And imagine their surprise when Jesus simplified the pursuit of righteousness by narrowing the list down to just two—“love the Lord your God” (Matt. 22:37) and “love your neighbor as yourself” (v.39).
In essence, Jesus is telling us that the way God knows we love Him is by how we treat people. All of them. Let’s face it—loving our neighbor can be a challenge. But when we do it to express our love to God, we unleash a powerful motivation that loves whether the person deserves it or not. And as we love God and our neighbor, everything else falls into place. If I love my neighbor, I won’t bear false witness against him, covet his wealth or his wife, or steal from him. Loving others for God’s sake even provides the grace and strength to forgive those who have heaped injustices upon us.
Who needs to see God’s love today through you? The more unlovable the person, the greater the statement about how much you love God!
Read: Matthew 22:34-40
I’ll be with you all when I can. Very little sleep last night and feel all wrung out...LOL!
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ALL glory, honor and credit to the valiant members of the United States Armed Forces for striking a mighty blow for the peace of the world.
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